Many of us have placed our own priorities on hold while we cared for our loved one. Now is a time to rediscover our old interests or open up to new experiences.

What a great program.

The other thing I found out recently that the Brits do is to provide funds to the caregiver if they are looking after a parent who is a veteran.

I've been looking into such things as my FIL is an RAF veteran and found out that they will pay the caregiver so s/he can stay at home with the parent if they need full time care.

Lorraine

This is a great subject, Jim. Thanks for bringing it out on the forum. It is something all caregivers at some point have to deal with. I can tell you from my perspective just how very difficult it has been for me to get my life back. The fact that right after Mom died I experienced many major life changes at once may have something to do with why I have had such a difficult time getting to where I want to be in my life.

This type of program needs to be researched here to see if there is anything like this available for caregivers i this country.

Vicki

Sugarlips

Jim, good site, I have not read it all but very informative.I think it is generally felt that once the loved one passes on life goes on.That is true but the adjustment is not always that easy.Many times it takes many small step to get to another point in life.Every thing revolved around caring with all time being taken.Then you have a change that you had no time to prepare for.First you have to deal with all the feelings that come with the passing of the loved one.Then find your place in socity once again.The list goes on and on.Good subject and article.

I came across this web page from Great Britain--why can't the US get something like this going?


After Dementia...


And not to seem flip---we have the information for the stages of t he disease and the humorous (yes, humorous) listing for caregiver's dementia.

Where do we find information that the former caregivers can access to help them put their lives back on track?



Use today wisely,
It's the only one we get.

Oh, for so short a time,
we are on loan to each other.

Jim

Hum, now I know why I posted here last night. Today's March 14th -- my parents' wedding anniversary. The sub-conscious mind does play tricks on us, huh?

Well, it's sure been a longggggg time since I posted HERE!

Trying to live in the "present" (is that why others call it the "gift") ....?

WHERE TO START?

Jainie, I think it is great that you and your ex get along so well. Not everyone can say that after a divorce. And the fact that he and Bill get along so well is amazing.

You are an inspiration to us all.

Vicki

Well, allow me to jump in here once again on this "ex" topic.

Yes, I truly loved that man. After all we had two sons together. And, he truly loved me. It's just that we fell somehow out of being "in love" with one another. We still love each other, but we are better off (and happier,too) being friends. We still all get together at our children's and grandchildren's birthdays, etc. It's always great to see him again. He and Bill are friends, thank goodness. And, I'm ALWAYS happy to come back home with my sweetie, Bill!!

OK. I'm done. For now. Till next time. See ya. Have a nice day.

IMHO anytime you have ever "truly loved" someone it is quite normal to want to back to that point in time.

However, experience has taught me you really can't go home again. I'm actually quite happy with my life right now.

Vicki

[ November 23, 2001: Message edited by: Sugarlips ]

Vicki, I "must confess" that at one point, after my separation, I wondered the old infamous WHAT IF thing.

'Course, I was only remembering the GOOD times. We actually "tried" to reconcile and after three months, I had a V8 moment. Remember those commercials?

It WAS helpful, though, because it enabled BOTH of us to come to closure with the "being together" part of the relationship. Better we remained as true friends and not spouses. We're both happier.

Thus endeth Relationships #101.



J.

I want to plead temporary insanity!
I have gotten a grip on myself.

Thanks for the wake up call, Janie.

Vicki

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sugarlips:
As I read over the thread to this room and it occurred to me that is just what I am doing.
Now that my caregiving days are over my life is changing quite a bit. Moving to Seattle has been a big change of course but it is continuing to change even now.

I've had another job sort of fall into my lap. It's something I like and is challenging. I am finally getting some answers to some nagging health issues.

I'm making a lot of new friends. None of these things would be happening if I were still caring for Mom. My niece who lives in Phoenix is getting married in the spring. I will be able to attend the wedding. I have a lot of old friends in Phoenix I would love to see again.
Maybe I could look up my ex. What do you think?

There is life after caregiving. It can be a little scary, but it is not boring.

Vicki

---

YOU ARE THINKING ABOUT LOOKING UP YOUR "EX"? I'm not saying it's a "bad" thing, but do you remember why you separated in the "first place"? 'Course, there may be a lot of water that's gone over the dam since "those days". Heck! Who knows! You guys just might hit it off now.

Janie ("been there; done that")

As I read over the thread to this room and it occurred to me that is just what I am doing.
Now that my caregiving days are over my life is changing quite a bit. Moving to Seattle has been a big change of course but it is continuing to change even now.

I've had another job sort of fall into my lap. It's something I like and is challenging. I am finally getting some answers to some nagging health issues.

I'm making a lot of new friends. None of these things would be happening if I were still caring for Mom. My niece who lives in Phoenix is getting married in the spring. I will be able to attend the wedding. I have a lot of old friends in Phoenix I would love to see again.
Maybe I could look up my ex. What do you think?

There is life after caregiving. It can be a little scary, but it is not boring.

Vicki

Jim,

Thanks for the information on Bereavement. Suzanne Mintz is someone I remember from several years ago. When I was first looking for information on Alzheimer's I came across her web site. It was a big help to me at the time.

This site has a lot of good information. I will read it carefully as time permits.

Vicki

Hey, Jim! Thanks for the informational sites. I am sooo computer "illerarite" (sp?) (i.e., STOOPID!!!!!!) that I don't know how to open PDF files. But, given my curiosity level, I'm sure I will be reading them soon.

How nice of you to share with us!

Janie

[ October 08, 2001: Message edited by: JanieR ]

Vicki and Janie,

I'm adding my two cents here, I can across a sereis of articles from the NFCA Bereavement Program that may hold some interest for you,

located at this link

NFCA Bereavemnet Program

5 articles in pdf format, I have been able to open all but the last.
They have given me ssome insight into what you may be experiencing.


Jim

[ October 08, 2001: Message edited by: Pig Pen ]

Thanks, Janie. It is a strange but wonderful feeling to only be responsible for myself. The thread in this room "Reclaiming Ourselves at Midlife" is very appropiate for me.

I will keep you posted on how things are going. I hope your legal troubles will clear up soon.

Vicki

A new day and one more perspective ....

I've been thinking this over some more. I haven't experienced that "giddiness" you have and, having thought about it off and on through the night, I now realize why.

I don't feel FREE yet, because I have had this legal cloud hanging over my head since two weeks after Daddy's funeral last July 2000. Haven't felt I could focus on just "me" yet and that lawsuit is a huge reason why. I am SO HAPPY that you aren't dealing with those issues.

Go out and Tiptoe through the Tulips, Miss Vicki!

Hugs!
Janie

Vicki, sweetie, I am so VERY happy for you. Yes, I've been there, too.

After the CG'ing was over; after the fog and grieving finally lifted a little - I didn't know what to DO with myself. Life for me "before" was so filled with "hum, let's see; today I have to go to THIS doctor's appt. with Daddy and tomorrow I'm .... well, you get the idea."

Having time just for ME seemed quite odd in the beginning. I started feeling a little GUILTY when I'd "laugh" about something; when I'd clown around at home and hubby would tell me "go to your room" (yeah, y'all aren't the ONLY GUYS to say that to me).

'Course, I am still "caretaking" Ringo (if you wanna look at it that way). He still obviously restricts me/us in certain ways. It's my "final duty" in my caregiving role to my parents.

I'm feeling GREAT for you that you're a little giddy in this new realization! After SO MANY YEARS of caregiving, your grieving isn't quite over yet (trust me), but the very fact that you're starting to see some light at the end of the tunnel is wonderful news! After all, that's what our parents would want us to do - GET ON WITH OUR LIVES.

I'm very HAPPY for you. You deserve it, lady!

Janie