Janie you and your son will mend fences.It may take time and patience but it will happen .

As for your being on the forum, I ask you why should you not be here?You have great experience to give, you have humor, you care and you need us as we need you.You give us steam and the wonder of what you will do next.So do not let me see you ask why you are here with the rest of the family.No you put that in your pipe and smoke it!!!!!!!

I know what you MEAN about losing so many!! (Though I was older than you when I lost Mother and Daddy.) THAT was only in the past couple years. I feel blessed to have had them with me as long as I did.

However, I've lost all four grandparents; three favorite aunts; one absolutely fabulous uncle; two favorite cousins (one was 49; the other was 42 when they died); a kind gentle giant of an uncle by marriage - and now I am looking at the pending loss of a dear friend. She is experiencing kidney failure, as we speak. Had a doctor's appt. this morning at 9:30.

Also, the "loss" of a relationship with my older son, as WELL as my "so-called" brother and another so-called aunt. And my hubby's dad passed away just this past January!! (While we were at the beach, on our three-year postponed honeymoon.)

Sorta makes you wonder >>> What's (or who's) next? I try to not worry about it, but I DO feel concern about it, esp. since my hubby is NOT healthy.

We'll just have to hang in there and help each other out, I guess.

A Ponderous Thought: I've sorta' wondered why I've stayed on this forum ... all things considered. Now, I think it just "may" be that I have more bridges to cross and I'm gonna need someone to take me by the hand when I go to cross them.

Thanks for listening to me, too.

I see what you mean,Janie. In the past decade or so, I've lost 3 grandparents, my aunt,uncle and cousin, 2 great-uncles, my sister,father ,mother, and aunt.My only close blood family left is my sister in the group home who I'm never going to be able to be close to, and my 18year old niece who I love dearly but needs a few more years under her belt to be able to understand some of what I'm dealing with. Debbie has enough problems of her own I'm reluctant to add to them. She lost her mother in November and her stepfather's being really distant now so she's feeling pretty disconnected and -well-orphaned same as me. It's lonely. We had big family shindigs for so long, I'm looking ahead to the holidays and not sure how to get through them. I'm trying not to do that.My parents were 42 and 44 when they had me-they always said they'd just hoped they'd live long enough to see me graduate from high school. I always knew I'd probably lose them at a younger age than some people, but I never dreamed that at age 38 I'd have lost so much of my family and under the circumstances that I did. I feel like I'm alone in the world and it's an empty feeling. Thanks for the input,Janie-I appreciate it. Luv,Melissa

[ June 27, 2002: Message edited by: Melissa M. ]

Melissa, it is NOT easy at times. You may as well resign yourself to the "emotional rollercoaster" for awhile. You actually can't control grief and grieving. It comes and it goes. Expect it; accept it if you can and just take it one day at the time. The fact that you felt hungry this morning is a good sign, IMHO. And, if you look forward to a day out and HGTV tonight, then you're thinking positive thoughts. Doesn't mean you will "stay UP" forever; tomorrow you may be lying on the couch "down" again. Just go with the flow. It just takes time ..... Don't be hard on yourself. You have now lost your Mom AND your Dad - that may be why it's "different" now. Your foundation has been cracked somewhat. That's how it was for me, anyway. Keep on expressing yourself, "highs" and "lows". It really helps to get things out.