Well, Thanksgiving's over and I should've posted this sooner, but we're not done yet. The following is aimed at people who are dealing with grief at the holidays. I suggest many of these tips are also good for any cg. Here it is:
Things we can do to help ourselves during the holidays and special days:
1)Have a family conference about the holidays
2)Lower your expectations about the holidays
3)Shop smart and plan ahead
4)Express and explore your faith
5)Don't buy into holiday myths
6)Do something symbolic
7)Don't try to do everything yourself-DELEGATE
8)Concentrate on the true meaning of the holiday
9)Find a unique way to remember your loved one
10)Ask for what you need from others
11)Reach out to others in need
12)Read for encouragement
13)Be patient with yourself
14)Cry,but go on with the holiday
15)Let people know your limits ahead of time
16)Stay connected
17)Seek and speak to a spiritual leader
18)Keep in mind that most grievers report that the anticipation of the holiday was much harder than the holiday itself
19)Remember, it's OK to enjoy the holidays.

"Whatever tomorrow brings, I"ll be there-with open arms and open eyes"

That is very beautiful, Melissa. I wish it could come true for everyone. Maybe we can do some of that right here on the forum. We can let others know they have a friend. In fact many friends, all of us here on the forum.

Vicki

Sugarlips

I do not know who sings this song-I'm not even sure that's the right title. What I do know is I love the sentiment-how I hope it comes true this year for all of us:

No more lives torn apart,
And wars would never start,
And time would heal all hearts.

Everyone would have a friend,
And right would always win,
And love would never end...

This is my grown-up Christmas list.

Peace to all of you-Melissa

"Whatever tomorrow brings, I"ll be there-with open arms and open eyes"

What a great last of suggestions for everyone. Current and former caregivers can both use many of your suggestions. In my case number 19 really jumped out at me. Many of us are grieving the loss of our loved oned even if they are still with us in body if not completely in mind.

Giving ourselves permission to enjoy the holidays is very good advise. For those of us that have already said goodbye to our loved ones, we need to remember to continue to enjoy life to the fullest. That is what our loved ones would want us to do.

Kathie, sending cards to your Mom and listening to Christmas music are both great ideas. I hope this helps both of you have a little nices holiday.

Vicki

Sugarlips

Kathie I'd be happy to send your mother a Christmas card! Heck anymore it's nice to get anything in the mail that's not a bill or junk mail! That oughta brighten her day. Gee maybe I could even send you one Pal!

Do you have a VCR? Maybe some favorite Christmas shows would brighten her spirits too.

Glad you liked the ideas Rich. I'm working on implementing them in various ways. That delegate one is tough for this chicky-I tend to think I can do it all myself. My strong,young 18 year old niece would probably be happy to help me with some Christmas stuff-now all I have to do is ask her!

"Whatever tomorrow brings, I"ll be there-with open arms and open eyes"

That's a good idea. She loves to sing along with all the christmas specials. I'll give it a try.

Love, Kathie, k.c.allyn@att.net The journey of a thousand miles...begins with a single step. Confucius

Just as I was posting that last post, something came to me, if anyone would like to do this. I tell my Mom about my family here on the forum all the time.Maybe if she got a few Christmas cards in the mail from some of you , that would brighten her spirits. If anyone is intersted in this idea, please email me and I will send you our address.I would just say send an email card, but Mom can't get to where my computer is and I don't have a printer.Let me know if anyone wnats to do this for me.Thanks from Kathie and Mom(Betty Cooper)

Love, Kathie, k.c.allyn@att.net The journey of a thousand miles...begins with a single step. Confucius

Hi Kathie,

Is there any reason you can not tell you will not listen to her negative comments and suggest you play some Christmas music and have her sing along --maybe some Bing Crosby or another old scutter like that?



Use today wisely,
It's the only one we get.

Oh, for so short a time,
we are on loan to each other.

Jim

Usually at Christmas we go to my brother's in Austin for several days and Haeli (My 9 year old niece) has always gone with us, and celebrated Christmas with her mother when we got back. This year my entire family has other plans(going to see other in laws etc.) and my Mom and I will be alone for Christmas. It will also be the first Christmas , Haeli hasn't been with me, although I'm sure she will come sometime Christmas evening to open presents.It doesn't bother me too much as I can focus on the real meaning of Christmas and also be glad for a little rest, but Mom is devastated,and will be in deep depression all day. (I know because this has happened once before).She keeps saying we are just going to pretend it's not Christmas.What if anything can I do, to keep her from feeling so abandoned?I can't take her out anywhere, she won't get out of bed except for dr. appts.I just feel like I am the one who will have to bear the brunt of her depression , while everyone else goes on their merry way.I am really dreading this.Any suggestions??

Love, Kathie, k.c.allyn@att.net The journey of a thousand miles...begins with a single step. Confucius

Thanks Melissa...

This belongs with the other articles in our "Holiday Survival Guide."

And the other Holiday Discussion Thread.