My mil will not be coming home. I finally have what I have wished for for the past year-for my husband, baby boy and I to live as a family. My son is now 8 months old, and is just starting to learn to crawl and sit up on his own. Now he has all the room he wants and does not have to worry about his grandmother telling him no all the time and cussing him out because he won't just lay on his quilt and watch tv. I can bring out any toy that I wish for him now since his grandma is not in the living room 24/7 getting upset because her tv watching or sleep is desturbed. Giving my baby a bath is now the highlight of my day since we can play and be together uniterrupted. It feels good not having someone here criticising every move i make with my son and telling my husband that I am a bad mother and that he needs to find a new mother for his child. I now understand that mil could not help how she was. I'll admit, I still hold some anger towards her for the way she treated my husband, my son and me. I resent being held captive by her and being put in a situation where I could not say no to caring for her. I know that some people here may think I am selfish. I feel guilty about my feelings on this, but it feels so good to be able to enjoy my baby and let him have a life. Despite all of this, I still love my mil, and wish she did not have to suffer the way she has for a long time now. However, I don't think I could do this again.

Then there is my husband. MIL biologically is his great-grandmother. She took him in as a baby and later adopted him. That will explain why my 27-year old husband has an 86-year old mother and I found myself in a caregiving situation at 25. She was always a major authority figure in his life, and to this day he cannot let go of that. He felt that he "owed" her for taking him in and would not stand up to her. That is why he let his mother neglect herself to the point of getting himself in trouble. That is why mil was left in charge of making decisions that she should not have been. That is why we all had to endure her abusive behavior. I was too scared to step in, and I regret that now.

Now I have to deal with the realities of real life. First of all, this house that we live in now has to be cleaned big time. MIL has so much stuff, an infant that dumps out the toys that I just picked up, and a husband that don't pick up after himself. This place is more than likely going to go for mil's care. Even if my husband could save it there is no way that we could afford to keep it. I have to find a job. That will not be an easy feat since so few employers are hiring, I have to have a schedule and wages that allow for day care ($4.00 an hour), and that I have been out of work for almost a year because of the pregnancy, and caring for my baby and mil. With this legal stuff going on I have to act as my husband's secretary, sending and recieving phone calls, making sure the bills are paid, ect. I have to go to doc with d/h this evening to find out what can be done to help him control his diabetes and high cholesterol, and how I can help keep him on the right course. I also have to get my baby's life in order. We have gotten him into some bad habits because mil could not handle his crying, and many times her needs interfeared with the baby. He has to be rocked to sleep or else he won't go to sleep. A feeding schedule is non-exsistant. For his own good I have to put an end to this chaos.

Thank you everyone for your time, concern and support. When I first came here I thought I was going to be blown off as some darn kid that did not know what she was doing. I was not. The warm reseption came as a pleasant surprise. I have learned a lot through this forum and from my experiences in this tough situation. I just wish I found this sooner.

Take care everyone and God Bless.

Peggy
aka rainbowgirl

[This message was edited by rainbowgirl on April 09, 2003 at 06:38 PM.]

Peggy

I'm sending you this little teddy bear to hug. It is clear that you are in the process of making some sense out of your life now that you are no longer caring for your MIL. It is completely understandable that you now have a sense of freedom to do as you like in your own home. That is in no way selfish. It is being human.

I hope you find a way to let go of the anger you feel towards your MIL. I have anger too, so I know it is not an easy thing to do.

Your immediate concerns regarding getting your son back on a schedle, finding a job and dealing with your husbands medical problems are a big load for you. Take one thing at a time and it won't seem so overwhelming.

We care about everyone that comes to the forum in pain and with questions. There is no age requirement. I hope you continue to post here to let us know how you are doing in getting your life back where you want it to be.

Vicki

PS it was great to see you at chat last night. I hope you can come again.

Sugarlips