I had believed when my mother died, I would feel relief primarily that she was out of her misery. While I definitely am most grateful she is no longer living in the nightmare land I imagine AD to be where nothing makes sense, you cannot communicate, you cannot control your body, and yet sometimes I knew she was in there and was miserable-I could see it in her eyes, I'm finding that I had not mourned the loss of my mother as I knew her as much as I thought. The fact that she was still here, even though she wasn't the mother I grew up with, has kept me-I believe-from truly mourning her loss. Until now. Now I'm remembering our girl talks, our Scrabble games, shopping, soap operas, the way she always supported me and loved me no matter what. Now I'm remembering and grieving the loss of my mother. People keep telling me it was a blessing and to be grateful she's no longer trapped and in pain. I understand what they're saying, what they mean, and I am grateful for that, but I wish they would also understand I had a Mom who I dearly loved and was very close to for a lot longer than I had a MOm who had AD and all it's problems, and I can love my mother enough to have wanted her not to suffer anymore, but I would also make a deal with the devil if I could have the Mom I knew back with me again. Just needed to get that off my chest.
Posts: 1795 | Location: Dayton,Ohio | Registered: May 30, 2002
Veeerrraaa, There is no way I would introduce you to my two daughters ... we would have a Biblical invasion of frogs. Their houses are already overrun with inaminate froggies. Next, the kids will be demanding real, live pets. Ooops, forgot; there is an itsy-bitsy one in the fish tank.
Moving on. Sonia, your mind has spoken. John has set you free. The soul that said he would haunt was not the same soul of your husband. The disease said the cruel words. It has passed and returned the memory of the love you share.
May the frog have mercy on my soul. Power to the puppets and peace to all people.
Posts: 1308 | Location: east of the equator.....or was that west? | Registered: November 29, 2001
Dreams ... I had the strangest dream (and I never have dreams that I can remember). There was a lot of push and pull about something work related. My deceased husband wanted me to do something; I refused. It was very reminiscent of our life when I was working. Anyway, I did not do whatever it was he wanted, and I was waiting in a hallway for the acid lecture that I knew was forthcoming .... but I waited and waited and waited ...and he never came. Would you believe that I actually woke up in great relief that his threat to "haunt" me never followed through. He didn't come and I was "free".
I recall a summer day, I had been mowing the lawn, so hot, went to frig, nothing but a few cold beers.So I popped the tab, sat down, guzzled the rea cold beer down, went to get up, could not.The beer had made my legs limpy, my head was going around.I had t sit there for 15 min. before I could get up.That was my last guzzle of beer.For some reason alchohol relaxes my whole buddy and I just go dead.Every one that knows me knows this happens and they laugh when they offer me something.
Posts: 4364 | Location: west chester, pa | Registered: July 06, 2001
Hey May .... how's about you e-mailing me some of your special brew! With the day I've had, I NEED IT!!!!!!!!! Well, I don't really NEED it, but I want it; well, don't necessarily WANT it, but it'd probably relax me; well, don't need to be relaxed right now 'cuz I am (was) cleaning house.
So, just fergit it! Why are you encouraging me to drink?
Posts: 5199 | Location: NC - USA | Registered: September 14, 2000
Vera, you have something missing in yor code, that is why you have a box.
When I came on I looked and saw the word emotions.As caregivers, parents, etc. we do deal with so many emotions.They can change at the snap of a finger.So many changes and challenges face each of us each day. When we get down , we really get down ,then after we have had a chance to share our feelings we feel a sudden relief come over us.We all are so blessed that we have a place to come and share so much.A safe haven where we fel we can allow ourselves to be honest with out being judged.We discover there are so many wonderful and caring people that we would not have met if it had not been for this forum.We may not share the same views, but that is the way life is meant to be.After all we all cannot drive a BMW but that does not make us any less.We wake up each morning wth a new challenge,some small some overwhelming.Sometimes we begin to doubt our abilities as people to deal with one more event.Low and behold we find the strength to make it.What is the song,"No man is an Island".We all have discovered this and if we get no assistance but being able to come here and engage with others , it helps.
Posts: 4364 | Location: west chester, pa | Registered: July 06, 2001
Let me see if I can get Janie's medicine right. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!! 
