I have gone through some weird health things since my Dad passed away. (Maybe one of my siblings has a voodoo doll of me? Just kidding.) Seem now to be getting toward the healthy side of things again.

I knew that dealing with grief took time, but I was surprised that my physical health was affected. It's not psychosymatic. Yes, I am trying to reduce stress, get lots of sleep, stuffing vitamins, improving eating habits etc.

I was wondering if this is common. And if so, how others have coped or recovered?

Thanks
Suzanne

Hi Amy,

It's been a while since you have posted anything. How is your health? Is the BP under control?

Grief is different for everyone. How are you holding up? Are you able to attend grief support groups?

Write when you can and let us know how you are.

Vicki

Hello everyone...thanks for your thoughts and concerns. It truly means alot to me.

I am under a doctors care for all my ailments. As I mentioned, my BP is under constant monitoring. If my top number was the only high one, stress would be the main factor but the bottom number is not governed by stress. My family has a history (father died of aortic anyurism), mom has high BP and of course Pop had high BP. I am not great about my eating but I do exercise quite a bit. I play softball about 4-5 times per week (too much my husband says).
I'm thinking of picking up racquetball again for more cardio exercise.

I really thought I would begin to feel better physically but it just ain't happening. I know my body is just catching up on what it lost over the last 3 years. I tried anti-depressants but they weren't for me. I went to counseling for awhile but my insurance quit picking up the tab (wonderful HMOs). At least I quit smoking. My friend tempts me during the day but I'm sticking by my guns on it.

I cannot afford to take the time off from work. I work for a busy law firm and handle several huge accounts so there is just no way. They are very good about taking a day here or there if I have the comp. time (which I do accumulate rapidly) but it's just not enough.

As you can see, I have a wonderful family!!!! My aunt has gone out of her way to make this more difficult. I have a show cause hearing set for next Thursday. I don't even care. The man is dead and buried. What more can I do for him. They couldn't bother with him except for one night a week. They blamed me b/c "it was uncomfortable" over here. I offered to leave when they came to visit but no go. They took him out to dinner one night a week (if we were lucky). His last month was pure hell for me and my husband. Get this...Pop had surgery on 5/9/01 for cancer by his ear. On 5/10/01, he had an allergic reaction to his medication and had to be rushed to the hospital...of course he was admitted. I got home on 5/11/01 at 3:00AM...I graduated from college that evening. He was released from the hospital but couldn't be there. Do you know I had to hire the nurse to come stay so my mom (who drove 250 miles to get here) could see me march.

Anyway...as you can see I have alot of anger & hurt built up. It's just like when my Nanna died in 1998. I couldn't take the time to grieve b/c I had to be strong for Pop. Now I'm just trying to hang on. All the emotions from my dad's death, Nanna's death and now Pop's death are finally surfacing.

I truly thank everyone for their support. My husband and I had very little of it from the family. I drew some comfort in that at Pop's funeral, there were only 5 people that attended on behalf of my aunt & uncle. The rest of the 40-50 people were my co-workers, softball teammates and friends/neighbors. Most of them were people he met within the last 3 years. He touched alot of people's lives and I miss him more than anything.

Thanks for listening and for your advice. I'll check here often (especially now that my husband gave me my own computer :0)

Take care.
Amy

Amy, I am concerned about your health too. You seem to be getter sicker from what you say, and that is definitely not a good thing.

Can you afford to take a medical leave from work? It sounds like you really need some recovery time after all you've given to your Pop.

Amy, I just re-read your post. And I am still concerned about you. Although I'm sorry to hear of all your health problems, I AM glad to hear you are on medication for the high BP. Were you also advised to cut back on sodium in your diet as well as trying to get some moderate exercise?

I also wonder why you were taken off the estrogen and put strictly on progestrin. Your doctor must have a reason for this, but at 30 years of age, it seems a mix of the two would be more of an option. ????

Pneumonia in both lungs? Severe asthma attacks? Unimaginable stress, both due to physical ailments as well as your aunt and uncle contesting Pop's will!

You say you have no more vacation; do you have any sick leave, or could you take a "sabattical" for a month or so? Just to rest and recuperate? How is your husband handling all this?

Do you think you should check with your Dr. to ask about a tranquilizer or anti-depressant?

Please let us know how you are in the next few days. You need some sort of break!

Janie

Hi Janie,
I had no idea you were going through so much right now. Yes, I think it is due to stress. Thanks to BD.

Please take care of yourself. We need you. I don't want anything to happen to you.

Amy, I am very concerned about your blood pressure. On top of this you are being taken to court by your family?

Is there anything we can do to help? Do you want to talk about it? And you are grieving for Pop. I know what you mean about thinking it will be easier when you are no longer a caregiver. It seems that other problems just replace the old ones.

Please post again and let us know how you are. We worry. You are part of the family.

Vicki

AMY! I'm so sorry to hear of your continuing health problems, darlin'. After ALL you went through - you're still dealing with family issues? What IS IT with these people???????

Somehow back in June when you were posting, you "slipped through the cracks". I'm so sorry we weren't THERE for you!!! I feel bad about that. Guess we were all going through stuff,too, even though that is NO EXCUSE for not responding to you. Please forgive us????

How are you feeling TODAY? Are things any better? (I'm a good one to ask, huh?)

Please continue to post; we all need each other.

Janie

Hello everyone...it's been awhile since I last posted. Today is Grandparents Day...very difficult for me. It's been
2 1/2 months since I lost Pop. I see you guys are posting on health issues and thought I'd offer my 2 cents worth.

About two years ago, I was experiencing higher than normal blood pressure. I was immediately switched to a low dose birth control pill thinking that may be the cause. I knew stress was a huge factor but went along with it. I am monitored on a monthly basis and have since been removed from estrogen completely.

Since my Pop died, my blood pressure has peaked at 187/105. I am taking pills to help reduce it. My birth control pills were stopped and I am now taking progestrin. This resulted in a withdrawal from the estrogen which caused massive headaches, nausea (which I hate), spotting, etc. I have been religious taking this pill but forgot one day...early cycle which lasted SEVEN days straight. I had asthma and had begun smoking again. Two weeks ago, my body gave out and I suffered a severe asthma attack and had to be rushed to the doctor. After an hour on the nebulizer, I had X-Rays which showed that I had pneumonia in the right lung. After spending the weekend in bed, I returned to work (b/c I have no vacation left from taking care of Pop). I now have it in the left lung as well.

I am run down, tired, achy, bitchy and sick of feeling like this. I have been extremely emotional lately b/c I'm being taken to court again by my family.

I'm sure I'm only one of many former caregivers experiencing this. I wish I could say it is easier without Pop but it isn't. At least I was running on the adrenaline high during those years.

Well, Suzanne, Boots, Vicki, EA:

My "health problems" are back. I KNOW it is just stress and, even though I'm trying very hard to just "chill" -- it's not working right now. I may break into the American Boys' Club (ABC store) tonight, after they close and have a little party just for me. I'm sure that would probably put me in for a full nose dive, though!!

Still having the sporatic hives; nosebleeds; horrific itching of my hands to where I have to pull off my wedding ring; yesterday I had laryngitis all day (gone today); the mosquitos FEAST on me when I go outside. They've sorta always done that, but more so lately. Yes, I've been to my doctor and she has me on a mild tranquilizer as well as Allegra.

I think the greatest "drug" of all will be when this BD thing is said and done.

Thanks for letting me "vent".

Janie

Yeah, Boots, it gets better. But it just takes TIME. And, "time" is as different for each person as ANY oxymoron I could EVER think of.

I'm glad you're feeling better and I look forward to hearing about your new adventure(s) of finding a job to get you "out a few hours a week". After what you've been through, you deserve it! Well, hey, let's be realistic here: We ALL deserve it.

Let us know what your new pursuits are, ok?

Love,
Janie

I just wanted to jump in and say I feel the same way. I'm exhausted, don't sleep well, my allergies (always been there) have been awful this summer, my asthma is horrible.

I have to say, I think the postponed grief is part of the problem, launching into caregiving my mother so soon after my father died made me put a lot of feelings aside.

Aside from some really tired days though, things are looking up and I'm beginning to take an interest in old hobbies and think I'll start looking for a job once school goes back, just to make me get out of the house a few hours a week.

I'm pretty sure it gets better.

A dark side to my humor?

Whatever do you mean.....? Why, you can ask ANYBODY on this whole board: they will tell you I have NO HUMOR!! ("thanx for calling it that")

Solemnly yours,

Janie

Janie,

I knew you would have fun with that picture! (Ezzz there a dark side to your sense of humor?)


Vicki,

Hope your move goes well and you remember to make those appointments. I am making appts now for all those annual exams I have skipped. I hate doctors so if I go (to the doctor...not Katmandu) you have to too. Deal?

Suz

Vicki and Suz, a solid YES to your statements about "putting off" and then symptoms/health problems seem to "suddenly???" surface. I think as caregivers, we spread ourselves so THIN, and at the time - while we might realize we're a little "tired" - what we ARE is WORN OUT! But, we "keep on keepin' on". Then, when the caregiving ends, it's almost like our bodies step forward and say, "HEY! You asked for it; you GOT it, Toyota!!"

Vicki, after you get settled, I truly hope you will get to that doctor and "take care" of your new ailment. This move, from "home", will most likely be tough for you. I hate that you're gonna be off-line for a week (in my little world, that's a looooong time!) I'm gonna miss you!

So, see, Suz - it's not just YOU! (Even though I had fun picturing you with that Survivor hair cut/tatoo thingie.)

Janie

Suzanne,
I would agree with EA and Janie. It has been 3 1/2 months since Mom died. I discovered last month that I have a health problem I need to take care of. As EA said after so many years of not taking care of yourself it does take it's toll on your body.

Once we are settled in our new place I will contact a Dr in the area and take steps to deal with it.

Grieving also really takes a lot out of you. My energy level is coming back to where it used to be but it is taking a while. Years of abuse towards your body takes time to recover from. For so long my only focus was caregiving that I lost sight of who I am. Slowly I am getting it back.

As funny as it sounds I think that is just what happened. You wrote: Did you feel like your body had put off all its ailments till you finally had time to handle it and then it just came like a deluge?

That would describe how I felt. I'm glad you are feeling better.

Vicki

Thanks Janie and EA!

I am so glad to hear that I am not alone in this this experience.

What you (Janie) wrote about having put off your grieving really hit home. The week after Mom passed way, I started taking care of Dad...keeping a promise. Hadn't thought about that.

Sorry...I am NOT glad to hear you had health problems...but am glad to hear it is not just me. Did you feel like your body had put off all its ailments till you finally had time to handle it and then it just came like a deluge?

Yea me too on energy deficit, sleep deficit, allergies, hives, headaches... Mama Mia! Where is my duct tape? I'll spare you the goriest detail too but lets just say I am getting better so I don't think I'll need the tribal scalp tatoo I was planning on after all. Thank God, I am too old to pull off that look!

Suz

Suzanne, I agree totally with EA.

After Mother died, almost four months to the day, Daddy had a stroke! He and I were still grieving her passing, but were "just" getting to where we were sharing happy memories. I sorta took him "under my wing" after her death, so looking back on it now, I realize I never fully grieved for her.

After Daddy died last year, my "duct tape" became unwrapped and I totally fell apart. Now, I was in the full grief of both my parents.

I couldn't eat (or, atleast, if I tried to eat - it wouldn't "stay down"); couldn't sleep; had no energy; started having allergy problems that I'd never had before; my skin broke out; I started getting hives; was very, very depressed. (I know you didn't ask for the gory details, but that's where I was, emotionally and physically).

After "months" of that, I started logging onto this forum, asking questions. I had neglected my kids, my friends, my husband and even myself. I got some great advice here and started to gradually come out from that big brick fortress I'd built around myself.

So, yeah, "after the caregiving" your whole world changes. It takes time, but sooner or later, you kinda get back up on your feet and start walking again. One step at the time.

Janie

Yep it is very common. the majority of CGs have run years on stress, not enough sleep, irregular diet, no excersize, not seeing the Dr, self neglect, self abuse and just not taking care of themselves. They have been keeping themselves together with duct tape. Once the caregiving is over and you hit the final grief the CG just comes apart.

After Milly passed I took a year of no major decissions or changes. I did not make any future plans. I did get a job that was totally unrelated to caregiving and AD. I made my goal to reasses where i was at in a year and either stay on the same plan a while longer or to go forward in life.