I am the personal rep. for Mom's estate and I am almost ready to back out. My siblings were so nice at mom's funeral that I thought everything would work out fine. Well, it is not. I haven't moved out of Mom's house yet because we don't want it sitting empty, besides we are hoping to be able to purchase it for a reasonable amount. I have to wait for 4 months while the will is in probate to let any and all creditors if any notify the estate before we can negotiate a price. Because of medicaid, I know there is money owed to the state, but I haven't heard from them yet. My brother called the county auditor and says there is nothin owed on the house, and that everythin is free and clear and that I should be buying the house now. He also says my sister thinks I am living here free and clear and I shoudl be paying rent, which I may have to do if they suggest it, but that isn't the point. The only one I have heard from since October is one of my brothers and he is saying my sister is demanding her 1/5, and that I should be paying rent to them and so on. My brother did seem surprised when I told them we had been paying all the utitlities, since we moved in here, plus all the food, mom's hair appts etc....But what really ticked me off and I feel like I am hitting rock bottom is I was sick all last week, then my husband went in the hospital Sunday with a really bad bacterial or strep infection on the right side of his face. 3 Drs told us that if we had waited until Monday, he would have had severe brain damage, Tuesday would have major damage, and Wednesday we would have been planning a funeral. I told my brother this and he didn't care. I went and talked to the lawyer, and he told me I couldn't sell the house yet. That I should get thru the holidays and then work on an inventory. I am so angry and so hurt, plus going thru the scare with my husband that I totally fell apart yesterday. I had to make an appt for my husband to get checked by the dr who treated him in the hospital. This dr is my mom's and I's dr. Hubby wasn't a patient at her clinic and the office staff kept telling me that she wasn't accepting new patients but they could make the appt with one of the other 2 drs. They wouldn't let me speak to her, or her asst. I lost it at that point, and demanded that one of those 2 were to call me back and if they said that he was to see another dr. fine. Well the office person called us back a while later and he does have an appt with our dr. on Monday. It is so ridiculous. I have reached rock bottom and if much more goes on, I am going to move my stuff out of here, hand the keys to the lawyer, and tell him I resign, and that I do expect my 1/5. When I moved in with Mom to care for her, I did it for her, not what I was going to get out of it, like they are almost saying I am. They don't seem to care that I am grieving, which my dr thinks is why I got so sick last week. All I know is I can't deal with much more. Where were they when my Dad was so sick and dying? Also where have they been the last year and a half. Where were they last Spring when Mom was in the hospital for a week havin surgery. Or where were they the night she died. None of them showed up here until 2-3 days later, so all arrangements were made my me and my husband. Yes, I am angry.

Angel, Vera is right.You stand your ground and do not give in to their nonsense.If you paid for things that were in her name , you can be reinbursed from the estate.Keep a track of all expendutures.If you have a lawyer, let a communications go through him.Because you lived in the house does not mean you pay the bills.You were the caregiver.They are counting on you just throwing in the towel.Show them they are wrong.This is why I believe we should pay ourselves for caring for another when there are sibblings.It may cause you to pay taxes on it but at least you have not been anothers toilet paper.If you have the person for whom you are caring for live in your house, you can show they paid you rent and claim the rent on your taxes.Then you can put that money into an acct, in your name and save it incase you may need it for help and then it is expenses for caregiving.

Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keeping what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness blowing the rest away.

Hi Vera,
Thanks for the response. I knew i would get support here. Hubby is home from the hospital. I am not answering the phone. I know that morally of ethically(I get those confused) what they are doing is wrong. And they will get their just reward in the end. Now that hubby is home I feel a lot stronger. He is my rock and he usually runs interference for me.LOL Hopefully, 2004 will be a better year.

Angel, Funny thing how VULTURES can spot an estate isn't it. DO NOT move away from your home. So what ifyou do not "own" it, it is still where you live. There are laws that protect you from unlawful entry or eviction without a court order. It does not matter what amount you pay or do not pay for rent. The best part is; the house is owned by you and 4 siblings (?). All have to agree to any decisions. Are you willing to charge yourself rent? Are you ready to evict yourself? NO and NO DO NOT give anyone a dime of your money. DO NOT accept phone calls. Get any and every demand in writing.
Giving your family credit, they waited. My husbands famliy wanted to settle Mom's estate 2 years ago....... Mom is still alive and kicking at this very moment. in a NH, but still there is no estate. BIL wanted us to pay over market rent and 100% utilities and care for Mom too.
Do you have a lawyer? If not get one. If so let he/her act as your spokes person when it comes to any issues regarding your Mother's estate. Do not let anyone bully you. Vultures know when to strike for their ultimate gain. They also do not share. And the droppings left behind will linger.
Unfortunatey, this is my unchosen field of expertise...... been there done that. We paid full market price for MIL's house. (using my husbands half equity as down payment) If I had known the outcome I probably would have done things very different. There is also the FACT that possesion is 9/10ths of the law issue. You live there, thus they have to prove that something tangible exists (reciepts, legal written will....) then they have to cough up the retainer for a lawyer to ask a court to consider their question. Lawyers aren't stupid (not meant in any malicious way......disclaimer) they work for money just like the rest of us. Pay a hefty retainer up front or represent yourself, unless your dispute is worth 33% (plus fees) of what it will cost to litigate in front of a judge. (believe me, NO judge would even give credence to anyone without a law degree, that is how the legal system works in this country)
Angel, you have every right to grieve. Everything in your life has changed, for family members that should support you to become adversaries is wrong at every level of innate human behavior.

A few things to remember, you have the right to grieve. You have the right to legal remedy. Big brother or big sister no longer are entitled to anything until they show respect for what you have given of yourself. You cared for your / their Mother when no one else could.....would. the blame game should have been played a long time ago. You are a special person because you care, not only for you Mother, your family, and also yourself. Stand firm for what you believe and you will find that the bullies/vultures that are flying overhead will eventually find new prey. Don't stop the caring now. It is your turn. CARE 4 YOURSELF !!!!

I'm sending an email to the add'y in your profile. 665jack

May the frog have mercy on my soul.
Power to the puppets and peace to all people.