Mom passed away Wednesday evening and I am a wreck. She was doing so good until a few days ago. She was gaining weight and gaining strength. Then it was like she gave up. She didn't want to eat the last couple of days. She was very lucid the last evening. We asked her if she wanted to go to the hospital because she was breathing hard, then it would ease up. She was very adamant about not going.She kept telling us she loved us and Thank you. I just knew she was leaving us then. My husband told her we were taking her to the hospital for some fluids and stuff and while we were getting her ready to go she quit breathing and her heart stopped. She definitly did not want to go. I was not expecting this and it has been very hard for me to accept. I feel like I have done nothing but cry since then, although I haven't because there has been so much to do. My husband and kids are here. My kids are amazing and so loving and very worried about me and their Dad. My husband blames himself because he let her call the shots about not going. The thing is is that is the easiest part for me. She didn't want to be in a hospital or on life support or in a nursing home. She wanted to be at home with those she loved and loved her and she was. I was able to keep that promise. I just worry about my husband. Her dog who had taken ownership of me since we have lived here with them has hardly left Mom's chair. He has been all over the house looking for her and realizes now that she is gone. The blanket she always had on her in the livingroom is sitting on her chair and he is on it. I tried folding it and he growled at me. He never growls at me, so he knows. I did fold the blanket, but he rearranged it and has barely left it except to eat or go out.
This is a very busy weekend for our funeral home and they have had to squeeze us in. We could have made the funeral for Monday, but we figured it would be easier for relatives to come over the weekend. None of my siblings are here yet. I think for tonights viewing only my sister will be here. Hopefully the others will be here by the service tomorrow morning. ONe of my brothers isn't coming because of health issues of his wife which I understand. Besides this is our step mother, as my sister told me several months ago, she is my mother not theirs since they were all grown and gone when she married my Dad. I was only 12 at the time. Mom has been like my best friend. She was always the one I could turn to. she looked forward to me coming home from work and telling her about my day with the kids I work with. She always had a hug for me when it was a bad day. Even on days when she didn't realize who I was, she was such a loving person to the end. I was so blessed to have her. I had thought it would be like my Dad with several visits to the hospital, which gave me time to accept it, not like this. But for her sake I am glad it didn't involve that. She hated watching my Dad slowly die, and I don't think she wanted us to that. I am so thankful that there are place like this to ramble to. This had definitly helped. The next few weeks are going to be a nightmare while the estate gets settled, then I will really be at a loss of what to do. It will be strange being able to come and go as I please and actually have my own life. I have been taking my parents into consideration of everything I do since 1996. My kids are grown, although not all on their own, but they don't need me anymore as much. I think I will have a hard time getting used to this. Thankfully, I have work, which I love, plus I am taking Distance Ed classes, so I can keep busy. Life is so strange sometimes. Anyway, sorry for rambling, and if you are still reading this by this point, Bless you. It felt good to let it out.

Luv,
Angel

I do have a story to tell of the night she passed. While the paramedics were here working on her, my children were sitting outside staying out of the way. It had been raining off and on all day, but it cleared that evening and they were looking at the sky and stuff, when there was a lightening storm to the north of us. They said it was really bright. My first thought of comfort when they told me that was that Mom was with Dad and they were partying because they were together. They loved each other very much. The other thought was Dad didn't like being alone, he probably had another woman, and they were fighting. Either way, they are now together. Because there are no cemetary plots available near Dad, We are having Mom cremated and placed with Dad. She very much wanted to be with him. We are thinking about getting a large headstone for them. Anyway, I should go, I need to get ready to meet with the minister. What a long weekend this is going to be, because there will probably be fights over who gets what. My husband and I have both said nothing is leaving until all the bills are paid. Thankfully she had enough saved for her funeral. We are going to see if there is someway for us to get the house, even if it means trying to get financing for what the estate owes the state.

Edna,

I am happy for you that you have been able to replace your Mom's "last days" picture with the other "younger" and happy Mom. It takes some working on it, but YOU will be better off in the end. You and Sharon sound so much alike, too. I would love to meet both of you in person, even though I feel I know your hearts.

There have been many losses this year, that is for sure. So many have recently lost or are still grieving their loved ones.

This forum has been a wonderful pressure release valve.

~ Janie ~

This year has been a very difficult one for all.So many of us have lost loved ones.The journey of caregiving is difficult for all.I guess the on feeling we have is they are at peace.Now we have got to another place and find acceptance and peace within our selves.It is not easy.We all have to deal with the loss in our own way in in our own time.I want to express my sorrow to all of you who have experienced the loss. I know I have along way to go but it gets better, not easy by far.The one thing that has changed is te pictured that was so programed within me.I recently found a picture of my mother when she was very young.So pretty and not aware of what her future would bring.That picture has replaced the one of her last day.I do not forget what she suffered but I am seeing her as she was , before more frequently.My daughter and I are very open to speaking of the many things mother was known to say.Things that ,only, family that were around her would know and remember.These are the things that we have that can never be erased.Memories are a reflection of events that affected us in so many ways.To have no memories is to know you have not been a part of the departed life.For a short period of time, to their convenience, they will give lip service.Underneath , hey begin to see and feel what they have missed.Then it is too late.They can never capture those special moments that we who were there experienced.What a loss they must feel. My daughter wll remember things mother said and it sounds just like her.My son says we 3 were cut from the same mold.You get that distinction from being together as a family.We are a small number of those who are feeling our loss.We reach out to them with our prayers and condolence.I have asked my son to light a candle for all of us.One candle will light their way to the heavens and life again.Bess all of you. They say if every one lit just one little candle what a bright world we would have.I am lighting this so those who have passed will have their life after filled with no darkness.

Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keeping what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness blowing the rest away.

((((Angel))))-my thoughts and prayers are with you. I hope your family surprises you by not creating problems and added stresses. Love your lightening story. I hope you will check in once in a while and let us know how things are going or just to vent. Gypsy

Angel1023,
I read your story to the end also. I can assure you that whatever you are doing, emotionally, it is just exactly what you should be doing. We never really let go of the "bond" with our loved one. Because we loved them, we will continue to "feel" that connection, maybe forever. Also I would like you to know that some of the best crying releases are done when you are alone. So whatever you feel you need to do, it is all o.k.

There is one issue that I wanted to touch on briefly and I am prefacing it with your quote:

quote:

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...because there will probably be fights over who gets what.

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Your husband is completely correct. It is the job of the executor of her Will to make sure all debts are secured, all assets collected together, accounted for and protected, all other legalities taken care of ... BEFORE A SINGLE ITEM OR MONEY IS DISTRIBUTED TO ANYONE. Depending on the size AND complexity of the estate, it could take a short time to settle, or years. No one has any right to come into the deceased's home and began removing anything until the time of asset distribution has been settled.

Thanks for the blessings.
The children are actually young adults, 18 and 23 and it made it easier on them.

Angel,

Yes, I read all the way to the end.

God Bless You and Yours during this very hard time. I liked the "theory" of the children ... "out of the mouths of babes."

~ Janie ~