quote:

Originally posted by Deborah1950:
The real world is people who need to know what those of us who have been there know. That was a clumsy sentence...but you get the point.

Deborah1950 ya said a mouthful but reality is these people in the real world don't want to know what us CG have experienced or have no way of understanding what we experience.

I can say this because when my bestest friend was caring for her dad w/AZ, I had no clue what she was really going thru. It wasn't until she had surgery & I stepped up to help get her dad (& mom) to DR appt. Getting him into my truck was a challenge & it was THEN that I had a glimpse into the world that my friend had been living.

AS for the real world for me after Mom's death. It is there but I am not part of it. Yes I get out to take care of Mom's legal matters & participate in kids school activities but otherwise I shelter myself @home finding "projects" to keep myself busy. I dread running into people & having convo's about Mom & her disease, over & over again. I just want to remember Mom before the disease & all the wonderful times my family shared w/her.

The feeling that you didn't do enough is awful, isn't it. I even feel that way about things that were not even possible. I have heard a lot of good things about the drug Namenda. My first thougth was "hey, why didn't we have dad on that?" Well...it wasn't available then.
I felt like I should have protected him more and yet we were with him every day. I think it is just part of the healing to look back and question what we did and didn't do and finally let ourselves relax and say "I did my best."
That is all we can do.
The real world is way to full of Alzheimer's patients. It is amazing how many families are hearing the diagnosis every day. I have a dear friend whose parent is in the throes of it and having a horrible time finding a medication that will help ease the aggitation. The real world is people who need to know what those of us who have been there know. That was a clumsy sentence...but you get the point.

Hi to all, glad this post got re-started.
First thing: Sandy I cried when I read your post of your dad passing away and I hate to say all the cliche things people say. But you know I am sorry and I hope you know the difference you made.
Also, hello to all my old friends on here. I miss you all so much that i find it hard to even come on here anymore because it really just makes me sad. The memories of only having this laptop the the friends i made on this board make me remember the whole situation i was in and then i start crying. Like now. Anyways, the "real" world sucks too. I still feel like i didnt do enough, now that the caregiving is over. On the other hand i feel like i made a huge mistake taking on that role and giving up so much. I just cant seem to get back on my feet and things are still just not right anymore. I feel lost without having someone to take care of so i bought a hamster last week so now i feel like i have a new baby I am going to go to the store now and perhaps visit Harry's later on and see what everyone is up to.

Sandy: So sorry for your loss. When I first began caring for my AD husband, I naturally assumed everyone was caring for a spouse, then later I learned most care for a parent. While the anguish, frustration & general care are the same, I can see the vast emotional difference between the two. He died 3 yrs ago and I was once again, after 10 yrs, back - more or less - in the real world. I knew I was moving thru it, but I felt I had a secret knowledge about something that those around me would never understand. I was on auto-pilot, going thru motions but not thinking and feeling very much. My inner core was sheltering me from full acceptance. I know that nature has programmed us to survive, even when that is not what we want to do, but survive we must. My own father died when I was in my early 20's, I could not believe the world would continue on. I know that you understand and accept these things, that you will get thru it, but the loss of a father, a loving father, is profound. I'm so sorry.

quote:

I don't fit in out there in the real world lately.

Yep... stranger in a strange land feeling. WHenever I have gone through anything personally profound, I have always felt alienated from my fellow humans... the people in the minute market and at the grocery store and post office all somehow look different... of course, the difference is within me, and maybe a lot of those people I am passing are feeling the same things as I am because they are shouldering a secret load same as me, but it feels so very unique and singular when I'm in the middle of something...

quote:

In due time.....

Yeah you right. Sometimes when I finally resign myself to the fact that I am just going to have to WAIT to feel better about something, I sigh and remark "I can hardly wait to live through this" and SO FAR, I always have...

In fact, I think I'll think on that one my OWN self this dreary Monday mornin'...

Sandy, for what it's worth, and whether you actually FEEL like it or not, you SOUND better to me. I think you're muddling your way through the fog just fine! Hang in there!!

Sandy, I'm sorry for your loss. It takes some time to feel like you are in the "real" world but you will get there eventually.

Funny (not really) Deborah how I did and still do the same thing with my cell phone, from room to room then just clipping it to my belt so I wouldn't miss anything important and I still do this. The cell phone became my other appendage during the last crises with my father. He died 2 weeks ago and I'm still constantly making sure I have it turned on....just in case.....

As for the world out there.....don't like it....yet. Since my father began to decline, I forgot how to style my hair, I used to iron whatever I was wearing that day. Now, bobbie pins do instead of hairspray, a wrinkle or two in the jeans....eh, so what....matches the wrinkles that have mysteriously appeared, all of a sudden on my face! My free time is the same amount as it was before my father passed. I have a mother whose declining, can't be left alone long and am still strapped to the responsibility but this free time, doesn't feel free at all. Haven't been able to slow down and smell the roses yet. In fact, it makes me feel anxious to do anything casually. I actually like being home now. I don't fit in out there in the real world lately. In due time.....

I am very glad to meet all of you. I am usually on the Alzheimer's Association forum or the Ask Dutchy. I never get tired of talking with others who truly understand the role of care giver.

Debroah, I can understand your taking a while to find your way back.The loss of one is most difficult but to have 2 is more then one can handle.It takes time and each of us does it in a way they works for us.
We are so glad you have shared this with us and look forward to you contributions.

Hello. My care giving journey ended in March of 2002. I found that I had some habits that were almost impossible to break. I had been in the habit of carrying my phone from room to room, outside, etc., just in case there was an emergency with my father. It has been four years since he passed and I still do it.
I found that I had a lot of things I had not celebrated (birthdays, anniversaries, etc.) We were so busy keeping up with the day to day that special days just passed without note.
Shortly after my father died my brother took his life so that added to my adjustment to the "real world" and it has taken me most of the four years to really find "me" again.
Sorry this was so long.

The "Real" world looked better on MTV to tell ya the truth. I just found this post and am now facing the 'real' world now that my caregiving role has come to an end. I am faced with searching for jobs...waiting for call backs....waiting for interviews..then call backs from interviews...then starting a new job....meeting new people...figuring out who you will love and who will irritate you...and then hoping I can stand the job long enough to pay off the bills i had to let go because i was in the caregiving role for a while. sighs......I feel like i got left back a grade in school and now i gotta catch up. I always wondered if i'd get to this topic of after caregiving and here i am. So i am wondering: to the people that posted on this topic a while ago....hows it going now????

I should have known better than to mess with a former school teacher!!

Did I get it?? Mud can sometimes be very clear, you just have to add a little WATER!

Thanks, teach!!

Hi Janie-I'll try to explain(hope I do it right) First I typed this in the text to bold section and pressed OKThen I cut it and pasted it in the text to color and added this and pressed oknow I cut it and put it in the text to italicize and pressed ok Clear as Mud???Now I find out if it worked by hitting post now. fingers and toes crossed. Here goes.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: gypsy,

Hey! How'd you get a BOLD Red?? CURIOUS MINDS WANNA KNOW .....

Great News!!!!Hopefully now you can relax and go to the beach without a BIG worry about Barry. You sound much better today hope you are feeling it too. Hate to mention but it is that time of month again- Full Moon Gypsy

WELL!!!!!!!!! Just LOOK at all my ladies up there on that banner!!! Feels like old home week.

Gypsy, I called the Vet this morning and he said Barry's ('scuze me) ... I vascilate between Barrett, Bear bear, Barry (all in one, Barrett - the cat) bloodwork came back most excellent. Yayyyyyyyyyyy! And the urine test was a much more "sophisticated" test this time and Barrett even passed that one with flying colors!!

He also said he'd fax a letter to my Pet Insurance carrier to tell them Barrett is "cured" from his disorder. Even though we will still continue to monitor him and keep him on special food.

And, just think ....... this time last year ..... we were heartbroken. What a gift we have been given!!

Gypsy,

NO, have not heard from him, , but trust me, at precisely 9:00 am est, he is getting a call from me!! Barrett is not eating that Science Diet catfood. He took one sniff this morning and tried to cover it up with his right paw. Then I let him out on the porch for a few minutes and he ventured into the yard a bit and chewed on a few blades of grass. (Then threw up; so maybe his tummy is upset??) It worries me so!!

Gosh, we DID used to call it hay fever, too. My mother had allergies all her life and always complained about having hay fever. I'd forgotten that! And, yes, we do have the pollen on everything, too!

What? That water is too cool for ya? I thought you were an OCEAN GAL!!

What'd you have for supper? I went by Captain D's yesterday on the way home from getting my car. I went inside and ate mine there (sooo relaxing) and then brought some home for the mahhhster.

Love ya!!

Hi again, Janie. Did you hear from the vet? I thought of all you cat lovers-two of the neighbours orange cats were sunbathing on the top of the fence awhile ago(thing you saw a pict of one of them) I fully understand the bikes not being used-we do the same kind of thing-in Victoria I do loads of walking(love it) we have many beautiful paved walkways along the water around here-never use them-always "too busy" I think home there is so much other stuff going on that we don't really do the things we could(hope I'm making sense) Never did get any more lawn mowed-when we got home Mike wanted a nap-I went in after about 30 min and instead of getting him up I joined him I never nap at least not on the bed. Everyone seems very tired in spite of good sleep-not just us. The air is full of pollen-have to put the wipers on to get rid of yellow dustfiguring it might be allergy related but seems to be affecting many people, not just those of us that normally get hay fever at this time of year. Anyway I won't complain too much-our weather is still beautiful-breaking heat records-in the low 20's C.(think 20C=about 68 F-room temp, comfortable-not quite swimming weather for this old gal. Have to go finish cooking supper-left overs mostly.Gypsy

Hey, Val

I'm probably and most definitely NOT more tired than anyone else here. It's just that stress and being "exhausted" are relative. Different for each person.

If we worked 5-day-a-week jobs, from 8-5 it would be a lot easier. But we work when the work is coming in and sometimes that makes for very long days!

Yes, David will stay here again. Thank goodness that he loves cats and - as a bonus - he gets to watch our cable TV channels!

The "two car" situation is this ... Bill's car was already up at the mechanic's and I had to drive David up so he could drive that one back home. Got a new muffler installed while we were there, so now I can get my car inspection finalized before we leave. It is sitting out in the driveway, sporting a brand new chrome muffler.

Helmets still on hold. I know this sounds hard to believe, but we have not taken the time to even take these brand new bikes out of the garage since we've been home!! Gotta get away again so we can rest up some for the next go-'round.

Hoping you and Mike had a good day today! It's been very pretty here, but rain is due to come in tonight. The grass needs the water!!! Bye for now!

Janie-you sound so tired!!!Please give yourself a break I mean sleep. Hope once you hear from the vet you will feel better. Is David living in your house again?? Just curious-why does it take 2 to switch cars? Do you take both to the beach or just one? have you bought those bike helmets yet?Janie I hope once you get cars, cats, sleep sorted out you will be more enthused about the beach-you know you loved it!!!Looking forward to those beach picts. Seriously I hope things work out for you and you are feeling better after good news and a good rest. Gypsy