Hi all. My name is Amy, and I am a caregiver working with an individual 4 days a week, I have been meeting with this person for 5 weeks now. I work for an agency who provides services to those who need living assistance. I was a nurses aide, I let that expire, am a medical assistant now.

I think what can be hard for me and the person I am caring for is that I try too much as funny as that sounds, I think I come across as trying to do for this individual what they cannot themselves. I know I need to back off that way and let them do what they need and want to for their independence, dignity and respect. Sometimes I get a little nervous when the individual I care for is in a bad mood. Today for example, they lost a belonging and were very upset. I could relate because just a few days ago I had lost something too. I didn't realize how much in a bad mood this person was, and I was trying to help them look for their belonging in their dresser drawers and all around. When something gets lost, do you think it is better for me to look for it with them or let them look for it? Myself and the individual went downstairs and when we were going onto the elevator, I must have said the wrong thing or something, the individual I am caring for slammed their cane down and said "Will you just shut up for (however long)" And I said, "Why are you so angry at me?" They said, "I am not angry at you, I am angry at myself." There was a worker from the assisted living place in the elevator and she was talking to the person I was caring for, she said "Don't you owe her an apology?" meaning me, and the individual said, "I'm sorry, but stop (something, some word)ing me." We went into the individual's apartment and they said- "SHHSHH!" I sat down on the chair and asked for her son's # or address to call him - get his # for directory assistance. He finally called and I expressed being upset, said maybe he would want to get another caregiver, and he said, no it isnt me. Thank good ness, that was a huge relief. We ate out later and he asked if I still felt that way, and I said no, and I am sorry. I won't mention it to the agency, everything is fine with us now, I just get upset when the individual gets upset with me.

I don't want to leave this assignment or any assignment or this job, but I am only getting about 10-11 hours a week. It's 1/2 hr each way to the assignments so I really have little take home pay after gas. I think I will stay for awhile, it is great to be employed, and maybe if I stay 6 or so months or even 1 year, I will get more assignments or be able to get a better job. I could work as a medical assistant or pharmacy tech, which may be less or more pay, I'm not sure. I think I'll stay for now.

All replies welcome

thanks!!

amy

i don't know how you get the insurance. ask an agent for advice, when i took daisy in and being a private situation i told them i am not licensed and would not offer our home if any family members might be a problem. so i am flying without a safety net but it for us is a matter of a long standing trust. i could still get burned but i hope it never comes to that. also, there should be a phone number in the front of the book under state agencies regarding state licensing. they would answer your questions. i wish i could answer you better but your laws might be different than ours. i really wish you luck. with certification you should be allowed to advertise under services in the paper. check that out too. different states have different regulations. so much good luck to you. the world needs those who really care. just remember it really is about them. don't take any crabbiness personally listen and tune in. get to know what they are really saying. they have lost their independence, most likely they have more than their share of physical pain and now they are losing their privacy. i try to imagine how i would react and i think i would be a real nasty one to deal with. good luck and keep us posted.

Hi, thank you everyone for the replies.

Fat, dumb and happy- were you saying retake the CNA test? I think it is a fee of $1-- for the recertification. I don't know if I still have my card and certificate from being a CNA, I could call the PA agency and see if they have any records on file. Where would I get insurance for being a CNA? If I get recertified, I would have a certification, not a license correct? If you could tell me some more about what you posted I'd greatly appreciate it. Thanks.

Amy

for a license just retake the test. yur other credentials will go a long way, depending on you stae. ou don't really need an agency but you will have to be able to have a police background check and liablity insurance to protect youself. make a resume and provide references. check with your state, but saving the feee for the middle man will put you way ahead. also a contract on duties, days off, etc, will be necessary to protect some rights of yours. always deliver your best and you will do ine, but remember, non of it is personal so get a rhino hide. you will need it. so many elderly are mcuh worse than the one you have. remember, even if they aren't al or dementia, they may have a lot of uncontrolled pain, anger, frustration and are losing their independence and privacy. respect, respect, respect and dignity are the main things. you will be might take more abuse than the president of hte country but it is natural. a lot of times care is forced on them and they are filled with anger.they feel their bodies gining out and are told they can't do it anymore. let them do what the can and ask for their help, such as snapping green beans for dinner or peeling carrots and potatos if they are safe with cutlery. include them as appropriate.when i shower daisy i give her a soapy cloth and tell her i will do her back where s can't reach, resistance at first and the gratitude because it felt good to have the cloth give her a good back itching. i;ll go on later if you want more.can't stress enough how hard trustworthy inhome care is to come by and how valuable a service it is. don't forget to let her lead in the decisions. a choice, would pork chops or chicken sound better for dinner, do you want a shower in the morning or evening, etc, anyway, check out regulation in your state to find out what you need to go private. good luck.

Thank you everyone so much for your kind, honest and much needed feedback. I really do appreciate it.

( Bobcat ) Thank you Bobcat for your reply. Thank you for saying I am just the type of person this business needs. I strive to be helpful to individuals, and I hope that I am what this business needs. I think I am in a lot of ways. I am trying not to let things get me down, I know everyone has bad moments, and that is okay. It was great today because I found the individual's key in her coat pocket. The person I cared for was so happy and gave me hugs, very relieved. This was a great day today! I hope my bag of tricks will grow, and I understand the resentment. Goodness if I were needing the help of someone else for help with living everyday life, it would be hard and frustrating. I don't mind bearing the brunt of things, toughening my skin is what I need! Thanks!

( Moms_Buddy ) Thank you Moms_Buddy for your reply. Yes I agree that it can be frustrating dealing with a stranger. I don't feel like we are strangers anymore though.

Great point about the conversations. I notice and I know the person I work with notices that I tend to talk quickly. I have started speaking more slowly, clearly and loudly (so she can hear me, not really loud). The conversations are simple, like "That bird is so cute" or "Hi, how are you?." I don't want to tire anyone out with long winded conversations.

Good point about searching for belongings. I was helping this person search today and I started opening her drawers, and then I heard the individual say something like "It's okay, go ahead look through the drawers." I'll ask next time though.

I agree I have to have a tough skin! I will work on that!

Great point about instead of quitting, stick with it and learn from it. I think it is an excellent suggestion. I can learn a lot from people I work with. They have a lot of wisdom to learn from. I know it has to be so hard to have a person like me come in and help out, and it must be so difficult to accept help. All of us want our independence and dignity.

Thanks, I definitely will give it a chance. I think it could really work out well!

Thanks!


( Bunnys_grl ) Thank you for the reply. Wow, bless you for working with an amputee (s). I agree with you thinking differently is very important. If I were this individual, I may think "I can do perfectly well on my own, I don't need anyone." Yes I see that they do miss things when they're gone. I need to distance myself a bit from everything that happens at work, and not put all of me into work. Thanks so much for your kind words. I know taking a step back is a good thing to do, to not get involved and upset with everything the individual goes through. Thanks, I think I have it too. I won't wear my heart on my sleeve, thanks.

( fat, dumb and happy ) Thank you for the reply. I am a conscientious person, thanks. I do have to learn not to take it personally. I have been thinking about doing live-in. What type of license would I get? How would I get it? I have my medical assistant certification, my associates degree, and I was a CNA but I let it expire. I would really love some information on getting a license. Thanks for all your kind words!

Hi Amy, and welcome. You sound like just the sort of person, the aide business needs. No one starts out with a plan that covers every situation, and the most experienced will find themselves between a rock and a hard place sometimes. So don't let that get you down. Your bag of tricks will grow.

Many people needing assistance resent that need, and may also resent, that they aren't having that need met by a family member. A CG may end up bearing the brunt of that until a level of trust is established. It goes with the territory.

As far as looking for something, one day they might expect your help, and the next time accuse you of snooping through their things. Play it by ear. If you suspect that the item cannot be found, you might try handing them something else like mail, or photos, and say you're still looking but " see what I came across, who is in this picture?" something of the sort. If you are lucky, they will forget about the lost item.

Good luck honey.

Amy, it can be terribly frustrating, especially when you are dealing with someone who is a stranger to you.

Different people respond to different approaches. If this lady is aggravated by talking, etc., then remember that and keep it short & sweet! Mom has had nurses and CNAs in the hospital that absolutely drove her nuts with their stream of conversation because she can't follow it! What's even worse is when two or three come into the room to change her and they are all yapping and talking to one another. When folks cannot follow conversation, it irritates them.

As far as assisting when your patient has lost something - that depends. Sometimes, if yu help them and they are paranoid, they m,ay accuse you of losing or taking the item. Depending on the item, the patient may be looking for something they lost in 1942!! So be SURE that this item really exists. Ask the patient if they want help in the search.

ANY elderly patient, particularly one afflicted with dementia, is going to get upset with you. Gotta have a tough skin, dear!

I hope you will hang in and learn from your experiences. We all know doctors and nurses who have their walls plastered with diplomas and awards, so they MUST know their stuff; yet their way of relating to their patients is poor. Learning how to be flexible and "flow" with the patient's personality and moods is often more important than the booklearnin'!! Instead of having your feelings hurt and quitting, why not use this grumpy patient as someone to LEARN from? She sounds like so many old folks I have known! Know that some of her anger and resentment is NOT about you - it's about NEEDING someone like you to help her.

Give it a chance to work out and if you continue to feel uncomfortable, this may not be the right line of work for you.
Good luck!

Welcome back in Amy glad to see you again

What you are saying doesnt sound funny at all we all understand...sometimes we need to think a little differently lemme see if I can explain what I did here for my mil.
When she became more sedentary as time passed instead of assisting her in her routine I thought to myself one day that when the time came that she was for all intense purposes an invalid (bedridden) and could not do for herself at all how would she feel would she miss getting up to do the things she used to do get frustrated, holler and get mad at what life had done to her? (Dont know if anyone else thinks these things or not Ive never asked)
Well it was then that I decided to make things a little less easy for her I stopped "doing" for her I moved her bed farther away from the door so she could walk farther, my thought was, working with an amputee patient they have dreams constantly of them walking or running this is all they do sometimes the dreams are so intense they forget when they wake up in the mornings and try to get out of bed...well you know what that gets them a thump on the behind when it connects with the floor
do you see where Im going with this?
They miss it when its gone (my heart breaks trust me)
this also gave me another perspective on the matter when you are caring for a patient that is handicapped, to a degree of sorts you are just as handicapped as them at times, sometimes you cant go places that arent handicap equipped or have access.
Perspective Amy this is how you need to see things...differently....so that you can care for these people without putting too much of yourself into it.
I hope Im explaining this well enough for you to understand to me its a mix of things that stops me from doing what you are doing.
You have got to detach from them none of these outburst are directed at you this is their frustration at what they can not do anymore.
Instead of assisting them fully just assist them partially if thats what they need if you see they are capable of more without harm to themselves let them do it for as long as they can for the day will surely come when they cant.
To me it sounds like you are so very compassionate to these charges of yours anyone would be lucky to have you I takes a very special person to CG please remember that sweetie just dont wear that heart of yours on your sleeve Im sure everyone already knows you have it I do

amy, just remember, you are doing everything you can and seem to be very contientious about doing the right think you have to learn to let not take it personally. when you learn this is part of aging and frustration you will be fine.you obviosly care.as for helping, give herthe coice, do you need my help searching and if so, shich part of the house would you like me to search. if she says she doesn't want help, so be it. busy yourself with something else. as foras hours go, i assume you have a license. if so you can advertize your service as a n independent caregiver in your local paper, also, if you are in the position offer respite care as a temp live in to allow people to take a vacation. here, they get 19 er hour through and agency. caregivers here get 8.50 per but they agency charges 19.00 per.do the math. reduce your charges to 9.00 per for 24/7 in home care and you will still clear ove 200 per day. it's hard but you only accept the ones you can andle as often as you can and retain your sanity. i would highly recommend liablity insurance and a detailed contract of services provided. you can be guaranteed tough times and verbal abuse. again, don't take it personal. it comes with the territory. if you go indepently, you will be able to pick situations more compatible to you and pick up more hours. there is a great need for respite work.hang in there and toughen up. you will need a thick skin and flexability to survive. again, it is not personal. you are dealing with and angry, frustrating andfrightened population and will have to be patient whie you they come to terms. always offer thm a choice whrn you can, do you want A or B for dinner. do you like it this way or that way? we have some time before dinner, isthere something you would like to do until then, etc, thicken your skin, check out the options for sef employment and see where it goes. eventually, you may be the agency but you really don't wantt the headaches. good luck. you will make it. hang in ther and toughen up and learn to read the signal. yeall, if you need help. we are hear to help. good luck. i've been there.