I am interested in hearing from those of you that have spouses or charges that are under 60 and have Dementia or Early Onset AD. I am especially interested in those that have dealt with giving care to someone that has deteriorated rapidly. Thanks,

Billy G

Wow F,D & H, you bring me to tears. I don't know that I am that worthy of your praise but I do sincerely appreciate it.

The one son that you talked about is also to be praised. Granted his mom may not know who he is but she will remember his presence even after she is gone. I like what he said about not accepting the Crockodile tears at her funeral. I also believe that. If you cannot be there for the times when they are here with us then why should you be allowed to morn. You haven't lost anyone if you didn't have them in life to begin with. And that FOLKS, is a choice.

I admit that I have been a hipocrit because I have morned those I thought were lost to me and yet I never really had them in life. I did not spend the time with them when they truly needed me. So maybe my commitment now is my guilty concience. I don't know. I have thought many times that I am now paying for my past sins. However, when I think this way I have to back up and ask myself who is really suffering here, is it I or is it my wife? What did she ever do to deserve this? She has lost more than I could ever begin to believe. Therefore, I have no right to feel sorry for myself. Sure I am only human and I do feel that way many times because my life has also changed. I get on my pitty-pot and think "oh woe is me" but then I see her just lying there and I am up and around going to work, eating ice cream and then I think God what a hipocrit I am. So then I let my self inflicted bruises heal in my sole and I just get on and pray that I am healthy enough myself to face the next challenge.

Another day is passing and I am still vertical and breathing therefore I can only praise God for letting me have one more day with my wife. I don't spend as much time with her as I should but I do sit with her sometimes and watch TV or just sit and talk and hold her hand. Many times she acts like she hears and understands and other times she just stares either at me (acutally more through me) or she just stares off into nowhere. But at least when I hold her hand I truly think she is fully aware of it. She will have a grip on it just like a lover would hold your hand to show their own love.

Ok, I am getting all teary eyed just thinking about it so I will quit for now. Hope all is well with all of you and God Bless.

Billy G.

sorry for all the typos i just sent. i was getting a fierce headache, i am new to a keyboard ,and my husband, also lovingly known as tight butt techie would have a fit i didn't proof it but he is amazed that at 55 i did not go to my death as totally computer illiterate! decipher it the best you can.thanks and take care. when you are able to take some free time i might suggest some great mountain trips or diving sites! that tight butt techie of mie has most of the same interest you do so if you haven't already experienced some of the places, we might be a guide resource.!

quote:

Posted March 16

billy g. there are a lot of men out there that care for their for their spouses in times ikethis but most are older and are physically unable to be in it for the long haul. often times their health fails and they also need care so we just don't hear much about them. i worked in an indepentdent living facility and often they cared for their spouses until the facility would say that it was time for the spouse to move to assisted. i also was trained and worked briefly in alzheimer's unit and it was depressing , that is an understatement but that will be for another topic to introduce later.all are calling you a hero for what you are doing and although i agree to some extent i am more inclined to classify you as a great human being and an example of what we all should be in adverse times. i guess that does make you remarkable since those people are few and far between, be it male or female. i guess we are all heros when we act out of love and commitment to others. when you talked of constipation and what you had to do to relieve it for ronni it was exactly what we were trained to do so you seem to have natural instincts for caring for people. i hope you continue to seek out happiness for yourself. it is difficullt to make good, hoest no strings attached friends but it will be worth it when you do. keep trying. you come across as the kind of person we would all be fortunate to have on our short list of real friends.! i am new to this and can only speak from my own experiences but i hope you don't question your parenting skills b y the way your kids have reacted through all of this. it seems to be more of a maturity and personality thing than parenting. the lady i have taken into my home has three children, two unable to step up to the plate at all and one who comes faithfully to see her, read to her , show her pictures of the things he has been up to and at times just to sit with her tucked under his arm while she mindlessly hums. he says it is not so much her remembering him being there but she is content when he is and it is time that he will remember spending with her while she was here. it's hard for him but he is faithful. the daughter says she can't stand to see her mom like this so the few times she has come in 2 years she just talks to me. her oldest son is a minister and his personality is such that it is all about him. so they were all raised in the same house and couldn't be more different. uncomfortable are not, the kids should step up to the plate but what can i say. as daisy's faithful son says she's here now, grow up get over it and he will not put up with crocodile ears at the funeral when they miss their chance! your profile hows that you have some very dynamic interest and they are ones that are natural soul medicine. thank you again for your journey. it is so much more insightful and informitive than books by the "experts" there are no experts in this field as every case is different and just when you think you've got your stride,WHAM! you get sucker punched! hang in there and seek peace and happiness. i'm sure ronni would approve and encourage it. this insidious disease robbed you both of what should have been some very fulfilling years together. you are a rare person of tremendous character. i care very much about what is happening to you and i hope you keep posting as i'm sure that your journey to recovery will be just as valuable.i'm simple but sincere. life is hard and i think god put us all here to help each other face the challenges.g

Hey Bobcat,

I don't know how to answer exactly. I hear a lot of people saying that spouses (mainly males) and some kids would not spend the time taking care of their loved ones and that I am unusual. I don't know if that is true or not but I cannot understand how anyone could turn their back on a family member in need. The way I look at it is my wife took care of me and raised me for over 30 years so now it is my turn to take care of her. I don't know what else to do. Granted my kids in many ways have turned their back on their mother and I don't know how to explain that except to say they just aren't very mature. And with that I can only blame us. Apparently, we did not do a very good job of raising them. But, I cannot change someones personality. They either have it or they don't. So it is up to me to do what is right and not blame nor try and depend on others. Maybe, it is my fault for not asking for help but, I guess I feel like I shouldn't have to especially, when it comes to family. Oh well, I'll just do whatever I have to and hope I do it right. As long as my wife is comfortable and well taken care of then I guess what I do is ok. I am ok and I will survive.

Billy G.

BillyG, I have no way of knowing if my spouse would be so giving as you are. I don't quess any one knows it of themselves or others until the time comes.
I truely hope Ronni is free of pain.

Ok, here I am again. Opps, here it is almost June and I have been absent since March.
Oh well.

A few things have happened. Since having a new grandson I also lost my caregiver and then had to go through the whole advertising and interviewing thing. I did find a new person but I had to import her from out of state. She called and left a message on my phone that she had read my ad on the internet. She must have been looking at the website for our local newspaper. She said she had a couple names for me. Well, when I called her back she said she wanted the job and that if I would buy her a one-way ticket she would be here in two days. Well, after the initial shock I called my son and talked with him about it. After a bit of hashing it over and hard thinking I decided to take a chance. It has been two weeks now and so far all is good. I asked her what I would get if I bought her a ticket and she said she would guarantee 6 months so I will have to give her that much time to see if it works or not. Also, since she doesn't have a life any more than I she said she would be willing to work weekends. So hopefully I can get a little more time away. I did get yesterday, Memorial Day off and went up to the cabin. I got back earlier than I expected so she didn't have to work that much extra time. I guess I'll have give it another shot another time. I have agreed to pay for extra time but since she owes me for the ticket I feel I can collect that before I start having to pay.

My wife Ronni, has had a couple more seizures. She seems to be having them about every month. She had one in March, again in April and in May. She had not had any since April a year ago. I hope this isn't a sign of more to come. I'll just have to wait and see.

Billy G.

Billy, Congrats on the new grandboy!! You are right about this being the place for the warm fuzzy feelings. We are a family here and though even if we are all in different stages we understand each other like others can't. Take care and here's a big hug for you

Thanks BG. The one thing I can say for sure is that I have certainly met some super people here. Maybe I don't see the faces or hav all the names but I certainly do see the hearts. They are just pouring out everywhere. This is the one place to get that WARM FUZZY FEELING. Most everyone is either with you or have been there. You're never alone. Thanks to all so much.

Billy G.

Aww Billy congrats on the new life! Enjoy every little minute you can they grow so dang fast.
Glad to hear you got out for a little vacation and Ronni is holding her own. As always you are never far from my thoughts.

It has been and I thank you. Yes, I'm glad to know of this site. I have been supported , encouraged, had a few reality checks called on me, and more importantantly, I think I have had a chance to get past my own problems and maybe been able to say something that might have helped someone else. (Rarely , true, and with more than a few mistakes). But it has been a good lesson for me to see how gently and lovingly those mistakes have been corrected. I have tried to carry through these lessons to my non-cyber life. Somethings go a little smoother now that I don't feel alone, not that I ever really was alone, I just often felt that way and now I don't.

Hi Bobcat,

Thanks. I hope some of what I might had said in the past has been a little bit helpful in your search. This is one of the greatest places to try and get what you need. No, I haven't been here for awhile but, I will try and get back to share whatever I can to help others.

Welcome to the forum.

Billy G.

Hi Billy G, Welcome back. I don't think there has been a new post from you since I joined in mid Jan. but I have seen some of your old posts while I looked for one thing or another. Glad to meet you.
Congrats on the new grandson. What a treat. Enjoy.

Hi all,

Well the latest with my wife Ronni is that she is still receiving Hospice visits. It has been about 9 months now. She has also had another couple seizures. She had one the in March, the night before I left for Mexico, and another just this last week. She was going downhill pretty bad just before I left on my trip and I wasn't sure if she was even going to make it through the time I would be gone. For whatever reason that seizure seemed to jump start her all over again. She made it through my absence just fine and she seemed to even be more responsive when I got back. This last one didn't seem to have any adverse effect and even yesterday I showed her a picture of her new grandbaby and mentioned it several times and I sware she actually said baby. She hasn't spoken an intellegible word in over a year. It certainly makes me wander what is going on in that brain and how these seizures are effecting her. Until that one two months ago she hadn't had one since April of last year.

Yes, we just had a new grandbaby boy. He will be two weeks old this coming Sunday. We now have two, a little girl (Lainey) that will be three in June and now a boy (Aedan). They are my daughter's kids. It is kind of exciting even though I don't get to see them very much.

Well, I will try to came back and visit to see how things are going with everyone here. I do spend a lot of time with email's and hope there may be someone that still loves me. Unfortunately, I still don't get too many. Oh well, I'll just have to get a life and find something else to occupy my time.

Keep it cool and let me hear. Later,

Billy G.

Thanks BG,

I know I am not really following any specific format because I can't recall all the plateaus and valley's that go along with the stages but I guess what I will do is just describe some of the experiences I have had. Maybe those that might read will get some benefit from it.

So far so good Billy! I dont know if we decided whether or not to keep it clean in the new post but I know for myself I dont want to muck up your little blog there so I will just respond here only Keep up the great work sweetie!
Cant wait to read more

Thanks for the support ladies. I will give it a shot and hope it all works out for the best. I will go back to the topic section and start a new one called "Personal Experience Journal - Stage by Stage"

Billy G.

In 1993, my husband was 64. I took him to the doc but knew he'd had 'problems' for several years before that, if not decades. But no one spoke about EOAD then. Dr. Alzheimer's first patient, 100 yrs ago, was 51 when placed in a mental facility, but again, there was no mention of EO. She died at 56. I'm not sure if the stats are firm about EO going faster. I can take it on faith, but my husband's progression was very slow, and I knew 'something' was wrong before his 60th birthday party. So today, he might be diagnosed at EO. Nonetheless, all the trauma and outcome would have been the same. He died 3 yrs ago at 74.

In my view, the big problem w/EO is not the patient, it's that the caregivers are also involved with careers, children, and other necessities, making it much more difficult to be a caregiver.

I knew noting about AD when I started and now, years later, I keep learning new things all the time, things that I wish I'd understood or known about to make things better for my husband and for me. But few of us know until we've lived it, so posting your experiences is good because someone new is always coming along.

What you really need is a blog function, but we don't have one of those here. You know how Mae started her own thread a while back? "Lost in Outer Space" http://eldercare.infopop.cc/eve/forums/a/tpc/f/5506016051/m/9916034492
Would something like that work for what you have in mind? If so, just do like BG said and pick a title for your thread, and post it as a new topic. Perhaps we could talk with Casey about making it a "sticky" topic (one that stays at the top of the board)... How's that sound?

Glad to see you back Billy Hugs goin out to you and Ronnie...
And Ditto to what MB said I want to hear it also
All you do is go to the section you want to post at and click uphand left side "New" then click on "discussion" Title it then start your post/story.