Hi all,

I have thought about this topic and decided to give it a shot. I will try and give my experiences with my wife. My wife is 57 years old and has Dementia. The first signs started about 9 years ago as best I can remember. In this discussion topic I will try and address each stage as I know them and then try and relate our experience to each.

Stage ONE: First symptons.
The first thing I can remember about my wife's first symptons started with simple little character changes. First off she was very intellegent and she never forgot anything. She was always "On Top" of all issues. However, she started having problems remembering some things she was told and if anyone ever said anything about it she would disagree and become very argumentative because she could never admit that maybe she could be wrong and of course, it was always someone else's memory that was wrong. Then she started having problems with holding things in her right hand. It would shake and she sometimes dropped things. More specifically though, I started finding things in places that I would not normally find them. Occasionally, I would find things in the refrigerator that didn't belong there. Her response was "I was sidetracked and just put it in the wrong place. I have so much to be responsible for I can't think of everything." She then started thowing things in the trash and not remember doing it. She also started having problems doing her job. She recognized this and decided to have someone take her place. What she told everyone was that she had too much to do and couldn't handle it all. She then attempted to teach another lady how to use the computer program she used in her job. Unfortunately, she was having a very difficult time because she herself couldn't remember how to use it.
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Ok here's the first attempt. I will try and do a little more research of my journal for the next stage. As I have experienced, the FIRST STAGE is very difficult to recognize because there are so many simple things that most people have problems with that we just slough it off and don't put much thought into it. We typically just think it is related to dailey stress or lack of attention, etc and don't worry about it. And generally it isn't a problem but could be the symptons of the FIRST STAGE.

Billy G.

Week ago last sat.I put in a garden.Was so nice to ger down dirty,grungy,sweatty & stinky,LOL.

Hey ladies,

Sorry I havn't been around. I thought this forum had been shut down so haven't visited. For whatever reason I decided to check in again before I deleted it off my favorites. Glad I did.

BG, you said there is a new member looking for some help or suggestions about seizures. I have experienced them with my wife but to really give some advice, I don't know. However, I would be very happy to share what experience and little knowledge I do have. If that person wants to contact me directly that is fine or I will check back in and see if there may be a post on it.

Billy G.

Snow Lynne, you continue to amaze me.Each time I see you are maintaining your own I am thrilled to tears.

Well I got rid of home health,& the 02 left last week.I'm doing very well once again.My lungs will never be the same but at least I can get outside & do yardwork again.It's been yrs.since I even wanted to do anything & now I do.I'm even eating without a fight,lol.Even sweets,something I haven't wanted in the last 10 yrs.Go figure!....

Snowlynne, It is so good to know you are doing so well.

Two years ago I asked my Neuro.for retesting ,for obvious reasons.I was redx with Vascular Dementia.Still doing well in that department.I was in the hosp.earlier this month with what they say was Pnemonia(hmmmm).I came home with home health,o2 which I'm off for now & the next week to see how I do.I have PT 3 times a week now,that tends to have me run out of breat though not too bad,LOL.We shall see in time what happens.............

BJ are you around?
We have a new member here thats wife is suffering from seizures can you lend some support?
http://eldercare.infopop.cc/eve/forums?a=tpc&f=27760641...851077125#5851077125

Well it is a new year. It has been awhile since I have visited here. Since the site was down and appeared to be permanent I just moved on until F,D & H told me to come back. Thanks Sis.

Well I drug my feet as much as I could for the holidays however, I did finally put up a couple trees on Christmas Eve. I put a small 3 foot in Ronni's room so she could see it and I put another 6 foot in another part of the house for me and Miss Debbie. I thought I was going to have to spend Christmas alone but my son came home for the holiday and therefore I had a family dinner with he and his fiance', my daughter and her family as well as Miss Debbie, even though she spent most the two days locked away in her room. She was sad because she wasn't with her family and at the same time she didn't want to interfer with mine. I tried to get her to celebrate with us but she was stubborn. Oh well, the rest of us had a good celebration anyway.

At the church pagent on Cristmas Eve, my grandson was "Baby Jesus" and my grand daughter was and angel. Naturally, I took pictures. Baby Jesus was pretty big because he is a 7 month old playing the part of a baby. He sat on Mary's lap rather than being held and cuddled by her. And unfortunately, he was looking around for his mom and hit his head on the manger. Well, you can guess what happened then. But the pagent was almost over so his screaming and crying didn't disrupt too much.

My family being here made my Christmas. Since then all is back to the normal day to day.

Ronni acted like she was happy to see her son but it was really hard to tell for sure. She just looked at him and then through him. So, who knows.

Miss Debbie has left working for me. She fills in to pay for her board and room until she decides if she will move out and away or not. I am taking care of Ronni pretty much full time again. I would like to find someone on a part-time or "as needed" basis but if I don't it's ok. I will need the money to pay my taxes so it is ok for now.

I hope that all have a very happy new year and I certainly hope God blesses all of you with less stress and worry for the coming year. And I hope he blesses all of you with his love, you certianly deserve it.

Billy G.

Lynne,

I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. Obviously, most the members here have a spouse or parent that they have to take care of and refer to this site for suggestions and advice on how to do just that. I know there are some that are afflicted themselves and it must be very hard to read what is here and know what to expect in their future.

God bless you. I know you have been a member forquite awhile now an have gotten a lot from this site. I hope you can continue to get what you need from here. You probably will need to get hubby involved with this access so he can continue later on.

Again, I am very sorry you are the one having to face this kind of future. My hat is off to you and please know that I do care.

Billy G.

Every person with AD is different,no 2 are alike at the same time.I'm still going after 10 yrs,though I do have my off days.
I learn from sites like this & I tell hubby what he can expect in the future.

Excellent suggestion BG, thanks. I will do that. I put a little tree in her room last year but didn't do much mor than that. I will do betteer this year.

Billy G.

Billy can you decorate her room for the holidays sweetie? Go all out Christmas tree everything she may not be able to participate but it makes all the difference in the world to them if this is their favorite time of year....Make everyday a holiday for her it will keep you busy and you may even hear that little tinkle of laughter from Ronni when she see's all that sparkly stuff just for her

BG/Bobcat,

I have had a few more days to think about what I am doing. I don't know how it will all work out but I am going to try and balance my "Life After" and my "Current Life". I do need to focus more on getting back to giving my wife the emotional support she needs by spending a little more time with her just holding her hand and watching TV or talking with her. And at the same time I will continue to go out and do some of the things I crave for my on selfish needs. I do have my Mexico trip coming up and even if I am going by myself I will just try and relax for the week and then get back with the program when I return. The holidays are coming up also which will be really hard because Ronni always made a big deal out of family holidays with all the decorating and cooking, baking, etc. I am going to my brother in-laws in Phoenix for Thanksgiving. I don't really want to go because my bride won't be there with me since it has always been her big celebration but, I committed to taking her mother. Some of her other family members will be there and that is nice but I would kind of liked to spend the time with my own family. Oh well, my son probably won't be here and my daughter and her family will probably spend their time with her husbands family anyway. Unfortunately, my wife's CG will be here alone without any of her family unless they decide to come visit her. It is going to be some very hectic time for all of us. But, we will just have to take it a day at a time.

Ronni is still about the same. She is becoming more and more silent most the time. About the only time she makes any noise is when she is uncomfortable. Occasionaly she will laugh if she hears laughter or even, I guess, if she is thinking of something funny. And very rarely but, it does happen, she will repeat a word. I can say something to her or ask a question knowing she isn't going to answer me, kind of like a dentist asking you a question when he is working in your mouth, and she will pick a word and sometimes repeat it. I know she is in there somewhere wanting out but things just aren't working right for her. She may stare off into space but she will grip my hand when I hold hers. I know she is aware that I am there whether she looks at me or not.

So, yes I need to refocus my attention where it really matters because who knows how much more time I will have to spend with my best friend.

Billy G.

Billy, if you can answer the questions, involved, that is it. ....An agreement between fully informed adults.... negating no prior agreement... without the consent of....a previously contracted party/ and with careful attention to .. full disclosure.


Hub told me in advance that a previous marriage produced evidence of sterility. This is an example of full disclosure. My own famly had produced at least 2 cystic fibrosis children. There was no good test then. Sounded like a match made in heaven to me. We had MET. 1 in a million. If there is total honesty about the situation you are in,,, what you have to bring to the table,,, what your obligations are,,, well, that is all the answers needed.

BJ see thats why I asked those questions cause here you are back to this frame of mind sweetie I knew you would start to beat yourself up. You jotted down your thoughts cause you wanted to see the comments, how we would respond, well you got that and more....there is no cut and dry answer here nor can there ever be one we are unique individuals with unique needs...what you have to do is look within yourself to remember WHO you are as a human being, what makes you Billy, Ronni's husband, Billy, the man, the person who has existed over all these years....was he loyal? Compassionate to others plights? Understanding? Loving? At peace with his choices?
These are the questions you ask yourself...in there is your answers.....
You are only human, thoughts are just that BJ, thoughts, dont forget that.

I just went back and read my last post in my other original topic and it brought me back to reality for the day. Again, I am having that selfish attitude and thinking of me, me, me when my beautiful wife is laying there alone and dejected. Why have I, of all people, abandomed her in her need? Yes, I do care for her physical wellbeing but what about her emotional needs. I am convinced that she is aware of her loneliness and wishes either I or someone was there to keep her company.

Her caregiver spends little time with her other than what is necessary because she is afraid to get too attached knowing it will be extremely difficult for her when Ronni does pass. I also have become more distant from Ronni because I have become more and more dependant on her CG to give her what she needs. Plus I have developed this needy selfsatifying desire to find a replacement, and she isn't even gone yet. How cold can that be?

I cannot justify my lack of attention to her nowdays. I know there are all the right reasons for my actions but again she is there alone and I have abandomed her just like everyone else in her life. When she needs me most I am doing other things. I need to regroup and realign my thoughts as to who is suffering the most here, my selfish attitude or the love of my life lying there alone in her bed without anyone. She cannot do anything about it by herslf but, I can do something about both of us. I need to get back to being her only true friend and lover and maybe it would make both of us more happy in whatever time we do have left.

Billy G.

Howdy BJ now I know that too many irons in the fire jag, there seems to be a few of us here Including me.
I call it coping with life sometimes we do it to avoid things or to make time fly by because we are waiting on something or frustrated at life...whatever the reason go with it sweetie.
Things will eventually work themselves out and on the plus side we'll have a few more lovely things to look at that you made
The girl I think the best piece of advice for you is to let her come to you now, dont rush in hang back a bit I havent met a girl yet that didnt like to do some chasin
Ya gotta make her work for it BJ

Thanks Hap for the suggestion, maybe I should and leave this one to the original purpose.

BJ

billy, no one is bored with your posting. we are all here for you and look forward to what you have to say and exeprience and feel as you venture out into the real world again. you have always been our poster boy for decency. i'm glad your lady called. at least you know she didn't just walk away. and as for your hand on the phone, how many of us girls know that feeling from high school those were the days that girls never called boys, EVER. thank goodness that has changed. you have a lot going on right now and that is good. sitting around is just too hard. maybe you will reach a balance one of these days. although i may be just a tad younger than you, i feel like you're my little brother and we all have your back. i am so glad you have come back on a regular basis and are sharing with us. good luck, have fun and keep us posted anytime, any length! maybe you need to start a new thread, the adventures of bill see you soon.