Hi everyone. My name is Michael and I'm a full time, in home care giver to both my parents for the past 3 years. Plus the previous six years as part time care giver, helper, advocate and comforter. My parents are Sue, who will turn 93 in a few days and my Dad, Edward, who is 94. Mom is in Stage 3 1/2 of her battle with AD while Dad is fighting to stay out of the dreaded 7th stage-albeit unsuccessfully in the most recent days. He has fought the good fight for over ten years and is now, no doubt, weary of the daily indignities and forever loses. Home Hospice was just started yesterday after I admitted to myself that the time is drawing closer to its inevitable conclusion. Even if he recovers to fight another day or week or month I still welcome the respite and support they will provide. Being a male in a female dominated role has led me to feel and act alone for the past nine years, but I'm beginning to learn from my sisters in arms about the need for sharing,support and even the occasional tear. I have steadfastly refused to ask for support for the past nine years and it has taken its toll on me mentally, physically and spiritually, especially in the last few years caring for them without a break.(WARNING: "Don't be like Mike"). But I'm over the macho thing now and I even recently hired a service that comes in for 2 1/2 hours every day so I can go to the beach or shopping or talk to people who don't have the same weights and concerns we all carry by being a caregiver. Amazing how 'they' look, talk and even smell different!(not that CG smell bad-I was referring to the --oh forget it. My first snafu on this site on my initial intro-a new record?) Anyway, I look forward to listening to you, learning from you and being supported by you, as well as sharing with you my stories, wisdom and humor in the future.I love humor, as you will hopefully see. I wish you all well in your care-giving journey...and good sleep too-that's my first bit of proffered wisdom. Sleep when you can, where you can, for as long as you can (with personal alarms and baby monitors in place); to prepare you for the loss of sleep your loved one may bring your way when you least expect it. As Robert Frost said: "but we have miles to go before we sleep". He must have been a caregiver. Michael

Micheal, since you are already signed up with hospice for your father most of what is in this article won't be news to you, but I will post the link here for all who may want a description of the experience.

http://www.ec-online.net/Knowl...les/hospiceknox.html

Many here have had hospice for a loved one and the outcomes have been varied, but mostly positive. Since programs can vary, it is important to understand the details. I hope this works out well for you and your Dad (and your Mom). Just wondering, does Sue still know Edward? Do they know you are Micheal?

Hi Michael. Your story sounds amazing and I am looking forward to learning more from you. I am a relative "newbie" to the fulltime caregiving role, having my mom live with us for going on 9 months now. I have leaned on the people here and learned so much from them that I feel like I couldn't have done without their support and knowledge. So...welcome to you and I hope you can find what you need from everyone here.

Hi, Micheal, welcome to ECO. Nine years without support?!! Aw, sweetheart. That's hard, dang near impossible. Even with support I have had a hard time coping and I actually have quite a bit of it. Granted it probably wasn't so intense at the beginning and at first your Mom could probably help with your Dad. It sneaks up on you doesn't it. And you have 2 to care for!!

I believe there are a lot more males doing this than we know, several have participated here and one started this website. You bring a different and valuable perspective to the party. Like you said though, they are more likely to tuff it out alone, or turn the job over to a spouse or an agency early in the game.

Family caregivers often don't realize how hard this is on them mentally and physically until there is a crisis that pushes them to the wall and leaves the elder or afflicted loved one alone in a sinking ship. At least now there will be others who at least know your folks a little should you run off and join the circus. Those few hours a day can be a life saver.

Welcome, Michael! So glad you found your way here!! What a long road you have walked with them!! I'm looking forward to getting to know you and yours.

quote:

As Robert Frost said: "but we have miles to go before we sleep". He must have been a caregiver.

I think that line ran through my head a hundred thousand times or so... and still does. If he wasn't a caregiver, he sure talked the talk...

MANY blessings to you for the care you have given!!