Hi Everyone,
I've missed you all. I've been on the quiet side this past couple of months. I hope all is well for all and that you have very Happy Holidays!
Mom will be moving in from the Nursing home second week of January. I'm finding it harder and harder to go visit her up there. It depresses me so. My husband and I have completely redecorated Mom's room and it has a private bathroom that we have done over as well. We have a large ranch home and her area is at the other end of the house so she can have her privacy and we have ours to a degree. I'm looking forward to her coming here, but very frightened of the unknown.
I'm also thinking of having a small adult day care here in my home after Mom is settled in. It would help me out so much both as company for Mom and for me to have a small business where I can be of some help to others going through this.

Hope to talk to you all soon. Easy on the eggnog!


PEACE
Kathy

We all have days like that when we just want somewone to acknowledge that we are hurting and need a kind word or two.

This is a safe place to come when you are feeling down and alone. We all understand these feelings. Keep posting so we can help you any way we can.

Vicki

Sugarlips

Kathy, I understand what you mean, about being a sensitive soul. I am one of those too, and tend to keep my hurt feelings and frustrations inside till I eventually have a meltdown Not a good thing to do , which is why this forum has become so important to me, to let out alot of those feelings, no matter what they are. Someone here , always gives me some validation for what I do, which I don't get from anyone else, and that makes all the difference in the world to me.We are all in different stages of difficult journeys and need to comfort one another.Peace to you too.

Love, Kathie, k.c.allyn@att.net The journey of a thousand miles...begins with a single step. Confucius

I just wanted to say thanks to all of you for your response. I guess I got a bit emotional..so much happening at once and I just needed to have someone say hi and know that I was not alone. Very sensitive soul. We all are in this big world for some reason or another, I'm just trying to find out what
Hope all of you are doing okay during what is supposed to be the season of hope. Hard to find that word these days.

PEACE
Kathy

I really appreciate your words of wisdom. I hope and pray that you are okay and that you know you did the best you could as I promise to do my best for my Mom. I have had a tremendous amount of anxiety over this decision and appreciate any encouragement I can get. A lot of negativity towards my decision to bring Mom home has come my way and it makes me doubt myself. But I should know by now (after 44 years) to follow my own heart. Thank you for your thoughtfulness PEACE
Kathy

Dear Kathy,

I am new here and a little shy about posting, but your other post gave me a much needed kick in the butt.

I am nearing the end of the path you are just beginning. I was as excited as you are, about my m-i-l joining our family. It has been a bumpy road, to say the least, and not at all what I expected, but I am glad I had the opportunity to do it. I hope you don't mind if I share a few rules to live by that I learned the hard way.

Don't be afraid to set limits. Don't be afraid to say "no". Don't be controlled by fear of her anger or disapproval or by guilt. This was especially hard for me, as I was raised to be totally obedient to my parents. As she gets worse, you will have to take more and more freedom away from her, and she will fight to keep it.

Don't think, after you've done everything you can think of to make her happy, that if you do Even More, maybe she will be really happy then. You can give her love and security, but you can never give her what she really wants, which is for things to be the way they used to be.

Make sure to keep a space in your home, hopefully other than your bedroom, and a space in your life that is reserved for just you and your husband. This may be harder than you think, but IMO it is a very important thing.

A hug, kiss, or caress at least once a day goes a long way.

You are a very special person to take this on, and are fortunate to have a supportive husband. Good luck, and I wish you happiness.

Chere

Its good to know things are working out with you moving your Mom into your home. That is always a big step. Keep us posted on how things are going for you.

Vicki

Sugarlips

I'm very sorry you did not get the response to your post you were looking for. It was not intentional in any way. I have not been to the forum for several day. If I had your post would have been answered sooner.

Mom died 18 months ago. This will be the first Christmas that my sister and I have celebrated the holidays in many years. I guess I got caught up in the spitit of the holiday and did not read the forum as I should have. Please accept my apologies.

What stage is your Mom at in the disease? I completely understand your being frieghtened of the changes your Mom moving in with you represents. My advise it to take it one day at a time and I'm sure your instinct will guide you. Also, remember post any questions you have here as well as in the chat room. We are here to help you any way we can.

Vicki

Sugarlips

Hi Manatee,
Sorry about not answering your note, but I haven't been near the computer for a couple of days. I think it is great that you are moving your Mom in with you. My Mom has delireum/dementia and it has been a roller coaster ride. We had Mom in an ALF for about 3 weeks while we decided what to do. It was a hard decision to make to move into her house because it disrupted my family. My oldest 2 (19&22) stayed at our place and our youngest (17) moved with us to my Mom's in August. I was scared of what we would be dealing with. Some days are still difficult but I think it has been the best decision for all of us. from August until November she would have days that she thought we were going to kick her out and she didn't know where she would go. she has finally adjusted and knows she is safe and loved with us. She still doesn't remember this is her house and she could kick us out. LOL Anyway, keep coming back here. People may not answer right away, but they do eventually and it is a place to vent where people do understand.

Dear Kathy,

Now I understand why you have been so upset. You and your husband are taking on a large responsibility. But given all of your thoughtfulness and preparation, I am sure that things will go smoothly.

Have you seen our article on "Moving Your Loved One in With You: Tips and Suggestions?"It has some great ideas to consider about sharing space with your mother. Also, you know that any time you have issues you can raise them here or in the chatroom.

Having socialization for yourself and your mother will be a key aspect of your wellbeing. Adult day care providers offer either medical or just social services. Many caregivers find that adult day care is a good place for their LO, and gives the CG time to themselves when their LO is away. Some adult day care centers even offer specialized resources and classes for people with dementia so that they stay stimulated and active.

There is certainly a need for respite and adult day care. If you are interested in opening a day care service, or even a more casual companionship business, you might consult with some of the regional or national companies (Comfort Keepers, Home Instead, etc.) and see how they set things up.

What is the most pressing concern that is on your mind now?

Rich/Casey

[This message was edited by Casey on December 16, 2002 at 08:06 PM.]

manatee,

I am sorry I did not reply earlier. I hope your Mom's move back home goes well. I really do. It is going to be a big adjustment for all. Be patient as your Mom will most likely have difficulty adjusting to the move so she may be more confused and easily agitated. Once she settles into a new routine things should settle down enough for you to get a feel on what adjustments you need to make.

Please reconsider the Adult Day Care for now at your home. the time for you to do that may not be while your Mom is staying with you. The coming and goings of others maybe too much for her. Plus as her needs grow you will find it very difficult to meet her needs while meeting the needs of others.

Edyth Ann aka Bubblehead aka Queen Bubble
AOL IM EdythAnn12
edythann@netzero.net