Hi, My mom is 70 and has AL (diagnosed 2 years ago.) She is in complete denial and thinks her memory is just fine. My dad passed away about a month ago and she is declining. I am 2 states, still grieving over the loss of my dad and trying to help her make sense of where she is at. I hired my Aunt to check on her, but she is doing crazy things. I do have DPOA, but she keeps telling everyone that I am going to steal all of her money and put her in a home. All of my brothers are at least 100 miles away. I am so sad and feel helpless. She refuses to come to my area, not even for a visit. I think she is afraid that I will "put her away." I am the only girl and the youngest on top of that. We have always been incredibly close so this hurts.

kris, keep in mind that this is a part of the disease doing the talking here. Your Mom still trusts and loves you. She just can't show it right now. The loss of your Dad is a huge blow to all of you and changes everything for your Mom. He was probably covering for her more than even he knew. It is not unusual that his death would spark her paranoia, her insecurity. Get her to the doctor. TORP's suggestion that an anti depressent may be useful is worth looking into.

Highly recommend, that when you do discuss AL with her again, that it not be about her condition, but maybe, improvements to the house, something like that, temporary. Creative story telling is a useful skill.

Welcome, kris, we are good listeners.

Torp, you are right.I did not mean to say denial.
I know so well , it is their reality.Thank you for correcting my choice of words.

I don't know that it could even be characterized as denial for some of them. I think that they forget that they don't remember things. They "feel" normal.

Many of us have had the same experience with the paranoia and so forth, Kris. I want to welcome you to our group, but am so very sorry that you are joining our ranks. It's a hard row to hoe, at times.

I think that the place you need to start right now will be with mom's doctor. Make an appointment for the both of you to have her checked out. He can explain to both of you what is going on, and what to expect. Our loved one's doctor was able to get her to consider things that her children couldn't get through to her about. It may be the idea of doctor as an "authority figure" or could be difficulty on her part accepting the change in roles to being dependent on her child. The mother is supposed to be in charge, isn't she?

And there's also a chance that he might think that an interval on an antidepressant might help mom out. She did, after all, just lose her husband and life partner. Don't expect a miraculous cure, but you might see some improvement and stabilizing of her mood swings so that she's more reasonable. Not all of this behavior is necessarily her dementia. As they say, "Just because a dog has ticks doesn't mean that he doesn't also have fleas."

Kris, it is not unusual for a person afflicted to be in denial.To them , everything is ok.They see you as the one with the problem.To remind her she is afflicted with AD.If she has no idea do not say it to her.The behavior she displays in not unusual.My hubby and mother said the same things.Try to find away to diffuse her beliefs.Not easy but think of her behavior as one of a child and how you would speak with them.
YOU CAN REASSURE HER THAT COMING WITH YOU DOES NOT MEAN BE PLACED ANY WHERE BUT IN YOUR HOME .
They require constant reassuring.Not easy for you to witness and not easy for the one who has been dealt this blow.
I care for a women who has the beginning of AD.
Her only symptom is she remembers the past.So I talk with her of the past.She is physically wonderful.Able to do all for herself.I listen to what she talks about and take my cue from her.
I take her to lunch, the dairy queen.She loves it.She hates to go shopping so we never go to stores.I call her ma as that makes her so compfortable as all her children she adores.
The loss of her husband was tramatic to her and I believed brought on the symptoms.
You have to get past the feeling od sorrow and pain for her changes.To not would cripple your ability to mobve forward with her.Humor her when ever possible.No constant correcting her.She is living in a world only she understands.You will have to learn her world as she sees it.
Does she take any medication for the problem?