My name is loriann and I live in Colorado. My Father died almost five years ago and my Mother now lives with me(her daughter) and my family.I have two brothers who refuse to offer any help. I have tried everything ,to at least have their kids visit their Grandmother but, nothing. It's all on me. She is forgetful and weepy all the time but her health is pretty good for someone who is 80. I received a lovely and helpful note from Buck last night. I now see there are other people with sibling problems. The hardest part for me right now is the fact that her sons and their kids won't forgive the past and realize she isn't going to live forever. I have reached out to them too. Nothing no response. Will they even care if she dies???? Loriann

You wanted to know who will care when she dies? Obviously you will!

The one thing they'll want is the inheritance. I hope she left them at least $1.00 in the will.

People like that who can't put past in the past really get me. Especially when her care is all on you.

Maybe they are afraid you'll ask for their help? I don't know.

Sad though. Makes you wanna smack them!

Welcome in Loriann so glad you found us.
Whats been said already by MB and Dochka listen to it they are absolutely 100% right.
You can not change how others behave.
Just by doing what you are doing for your mom proves you are a better human being than they are.
This IS a tough job no sense in muddying it up with their childish and selfish behavior you have more important things to do with your life than babysit a bunch of folks that couldnt find a compassion bone between them.
Not everyone is/was a perfect parent thats not a crime, they need to let go of the past and focus on the positives mom brought to them if they cant they need not visit/call IMHO.
Sad how being thankful to some folks is such a chore and wallowing in self pity is all the rage
Show them what we already see...Hold your head up shoulders back deep breath heres Grace walkin
If you havent already got mom thoroughly checked out now is the time to do that, best if you get a Geriatric Doc, they are better equipped to handle elder issues than a general practitioner.

Again welcome in Loriann you are among a wonderful group of people, you wont find any more compassionate, honest, whos main goal is to advocate for our loved ones....They are straightforward & knowledgeable and are not afraid to kick around ideas when it comes to problems we encounter with this journey
We are after all walking the walk so we are entitled to talk the talk and now you are among that very special group
Oh yeah an a lil butt kickin when we start to beat ourselves up over somethin we have no control over

Dear Loriann,
Welcome. I think MomsBuddy covered the bases with the problem of other family members not being involved. Unfortunately, it seems to be quite common.

You mention your mother is forgetful and weepy all the time. My mom went through that. Depression in elders is so common and can even cause memory loss due to a lack of concentration. The doctor prescribed an antidepressant which took care of the weepies, but unfortunately my mom has Alzheimers.
Please have a conversation with her doctor about these symptoms even write them down and hand the note to the DR if it's kinder not to mention it in front of her, I've done that too.
"Accept the things you cannot change" and work on the things you can.

Welcome, Loriann.
I sympathize with the situation. You are caring for your mother. It would be great if the family helped or cared, but they don't and you cannot force them to do so. Personally, I wouldn't spend a lot of time worrying about this. I would simply proceed to care for my mother and not make excuses for the behavior of others or focus too much on "normalizing" relationships except for my own. Any two people can have very different feelings about the same individual. Whether it is her children or not, they are entitled to their opinions and feelings as you are to yours. They sound like very short-sighted, petty people to me, but that isn't in anyone's power to change but their own.

If the rest of your mom's family refuses to help care for her or visit her, then just forget about them in this capacity. It won't help for you to beat your head against a wall like that! People DO care for their parents without assistance from sibs and their children! Friends, neighbors, local agencies & churches all can offer resources to assist caregivers. I'm sure this is heartbreaking, but it is their choice and you have way too much to do to worry over their behavior.

Will they care when she dies?
Who knows and it really won't much matter then, will it? Whatever the situation, you have done what you could to remedy it. The next move is theirs.
Many blessings to you for your loving care. Don't let the buzzards get you down.