My father's Alzheimers is forcing me to face many of the issues in my own life. My mother has responded with fear that I can see. M said that fear is one of our companions on this journey. I think I'm afraid in ways I'm just beginning to understand. It's going to take time, but I'm going to press into this and see what it can teach me. (One of the things that has me feeling guilty is that I'm experiencing this as a ME thing and I keep thinking that it should just be about dad.)
So, here goes. I'm afraid that I won't have enough time with my dad (This wonderful man that I'm just now discovering). I'm afraid that I will some day face the same thing he's facing. I'm afraid that I won't do this right.
It's very awkward, but I'm trying. I have lived with my feelings as something foreign, to be overcome. But they are friends, even the hard ones.

Ya know, SnowyLynne, you are my hero! I think your open-eyed attitude about your disease and journey through it is so very inspiring and helpful to anyone reading your posts! Your courage in dealing with reality are such a wonderful example of how we can make stubborness work FOR us!!! I just wanted to let you know how often I think of you and what an inspiration you are to me! Thank you so much for sharing with all of us here and know you have my best wishes to always be able to live your life like the Frank Sinatra song, "I Did It My Way."
Best wishes for a speedy recovery to Larry!!

I have found out for certain,that when a caregiver is ill,or has surgey,It does affect the person with AD.My hubby Larry had knee replacement surgery 2 weeks ago,he's been in rehab hosp.nearly 2 weeks,so I've been alone here at home,except when I go see him.I felt myself going in a downward spiral,forgetting more,agitation,confusion.BUT Yesterday,I turned the corner & am my old self today.Larry Is coming home tomorrow.Wheeeeeeee!

The person with AD can pick up on your feelings esp.when you are angry,so keep positive at all costs.Yell,scream in your pillow where he/she can't hear you,lol.

I haven't 'lurked' in a while. Somehow, today I just needed to be here again. Thankfully I saw a true gem of encouragement from MomsBuddy about 'no expectations of perfect performance just showing up for the game.' Parallel paths that diverge at times is another gem that could mean different things to different people.

During 45 years of marriage I can't say there were too many that could be considered parallel.
My husband's path was his own and only if one was walking in the same path was he involved.

We've been through some difficult months of recovery from the heart bypass.I suppose that was a time of parallelism. The short term memory is at the level of pre-surgery,which would be classified probably as a good bit more than MCI. We will be referred for a PET scan in June thankfully (one year from surg)..as there is significant evidence now to inspire the neurologist to order it..
Anyway, today is the very best day that I could visit here and see that its ok to sit on the bench and that it IS ok to claim a path as my own now. Thank you all so much.
Snowy, I am always encouraged by your posts. It helps me realize that your early diag.and the proper treatment has kept you in there pitching no hitters! Way to go!

I'm living with Ad.I was dx in 1996.Still going strong too.I was dx very early,as I knew something wasn't right.I'm on a Ad med.Reminyl.I was in Aricept 4 yrs.I didn't start on AD meds until 2 yrs after dx,so I was still considered early onset,since I was 56 at dx.I'm 65 now,still living my way.Having a positive attitude,& getting rid of the negatives helps greatly.By negatives I mean people who are in denial of the disease,or cause me,or you problems.Ain't worth the hassle.

Moms_Buddy,

What a wonderful way to begin my day by reading your response to mlux. Your statement about walking parallel for a while, but then our paths diverge, was so profound. I feel that that thinking applies, not only to parent/child relationships, but to any and all relationships. I certainly feel those words describe my relationship with my husband, as much as I hate to say or admit it.

When I was a young adult, I was very sad when a neighbor fellow passed away. I remember my mom describing death as a "singular" event, and I've grown to recognize how profound that statement was, too.

I've beat myself up with guilt as I've walked this journey of dementia. But a friend told me that no amount of guilt would change the situation one iota, and I finally learned to accept her wisdom. I do have pangs of guilt, guilt over getting my life back whereas my husband's life is virtually over, but I can't change that. Wallowing in self pity would accomplish nothing, so I've chosen to pick myself up by the bootstraps and do my best to carry on and, hopefully, be a role model to others.

Take care and try your best to live in the moment. That has been my lesson throughout this difficult journey.

Love, Chris

Moms-Buddy....so well said!!!!!!

mlux, I hear a lot in what you have said that I felt early on in the game. I remember worrying about mom, but also about me - is this what I have ahead of me, etc. Yes, it is about your dad, but you are a FAMILY - it is about all of you, too! There is so much to be learned and the road is full of some of the most tender moments life can offer and some of the rudest as well. It IS a scary time and there's no shame in admitting the fears you have for everyone concerned, especially yourself!

And as far as not having enough time with your dad... is there EVER enough time to spend with someone you love? Don't watch the clock - that's a waste of time! Use it wisely, but don't spend it all on Dad - spend some on you, too. We all have roles: our loved ones are dying; we are living. We walk parallel for a while but the paths diverge and they must go their ways and we must go ours. This disease may be your father's, but this experience is yours, too!! We have all made mistakes along the way - coulda, shoulda, woulda! It is not expected that one put in a perfect performance - just to show up for the game and play the best you can is more than many folks do! You sound like a wonderful, caring person! Embrace that, 'cause that is what will keep you level and sane when everything around you is not.

One thing you CAN count on - you're in good company! The folks here are an uncommonly wonderful bunch of folks who always have the time to listen and care.

mlux, the things that can make the task more difficult are having feelings of guilt, shoulds , fear.Everyone has started someplace . made mistakes and learned from them.You will find ways that work for you.What one is able to do and with stand will not be the same for another.As with everything in life, it is all about trial and error.Trust in your self and that will be a great asset.