I have meant to post before but everyones's problems always seem so much more urgent than mine but I am about at my wit's end. Any advice will be helpful. MY mother and father are from Germany. My father died of a heart attack and my relatives were worried that Mother wasn't getting over it so they thought a trip to America to visit my husband and myself would be good for her. She has been here for two and a half years and refuses to return. Her visitor's visa expired, she has declined in health, we are pretty sure she has alzheimers or dementia although she has never seen a doctor here. She has started believing that the Nazi's are everywhere, she is very paranoid and gets hysterical when we talk to her about returning home. My relatives in Germany are not being helpful to take her back. I met my husband when I came here 25 years ago to go to the University and we married. I am now an American citizen 20 years ago so my adult roots are here. WE have offered to travel with her to take her back but she seems to think she is back in the war. Has anyone ever had anything like this happen where a parent has completely disappeared into another time in their life and thinks it is real? I would consider just taking her but we don't know how to get her there without causing an international incident at an airport. I know this all sounds like a bad movie but Mother now thinks Father is off fighting, she is terrified of strangers and has forgotten all the English she has learned. I can't get caregivers to come in, I can't get her to get medical treatment, my husband says he understands but I can see the stress this is putting on him. We have abandoned all our social ties and feel like we are also living in a prison. Mother insists the blinds are closed all the time, won't go out of the house and we have to work different shifts to be with her. I am not sure if I need advice, yes, I know I do, but I also needed to tell someone and get it out in the open. Help is appreciated. Thank you for listening.

quote:

Originally posted by Bobcat:
I guess I am just not too well traveled,

Neither am I, but I have read about it (someday I would love to get on a tramp steamer and just go ) You know, a slow boat to China

I guess I am just not too well traveled, but I think AnnaS has it right. Check the embassy for your Mom, get a lawyer for yourself. Hopefully you won't need one. Keep in mind your delegate or congress man . there is no malice here.

I have to agree with bobcat. Your Mom needs medical attention, and you certainly need an attorney.

I wish you the best with this. This is a great forum, and sounds to me like you need some support through all this.

Thank you all. I guess I know what I have to do but have been putting it off. I truly love my country but I guess I see how things work and have been afraid to bring my problem forward as I see how things with governments work, or don't work at times. I have been afraid of opening a box that I can't close the lid on if things get messed up. I will look into an attorney on Monday, at least that should be a confidential place to start. Thank you. It is hell living in her prison.

Since your mother is a citizen of Germany and her visa has expired, you should contact the German Embassy. They have consular services for their citizens. The embassy in D.C. can direct you to the nearest consular general.

German Embassy
4645 Reservoir Road NW
Washington, DC, 20007-1998
(202) 298-4000

Unfortunately, if your mother did not have a travel insurance policy, her medical costs in this country will not be covered, so again, contacting the embassy is imperative since it looks like she needs immediate medical assistance. If necessary, they will assist you with getting her back to Germany ASAP and maybe they can offer some guidance on stabilizing her for the trip. I know they can do this real quick because my brother is an EMT and has taken American Citizens from airports to the hospital after injuries in other countries. They can move fast to get her back to Germany. Dochka is right, Germany has one of the best health care systems in the EU and she will be well cared for there. Maybe the embassy can arrange travel for you to make the trip easier for her.

Good luck….

A lawyer who specializes in immigration issues would be your best bet. They can help you sort this out. There are many visitors to this country that have stayed beyond their visas.

Your mom is a citizen of Germany and I believe they have socialized medicine for all citizens. Any medical help you receive in the US will have to be paid for by you and your husband. If you cannot take care of her the expense can be enormous.

It is very sad how the trauma of war can become very real to the elderly as they lose touch with reality. Some go back as far as their childhood with their mother and father who they believe are still alive. This is common.

You may need to go to Germany anyway to get some kind of power of attorney, or legal guardianship to take care of her assets, etc. Perhaps a doctor here in the US can prescribe strong sedatives for her return flight with you.

Wow, I think you are going to need a lawyer to get a read on this, and soon. She needs medical attention, and you need legal help. You may also need help from your congressman. I can certainly understand why this is causing you and your husband a lot of stress.

Even without the legal issues, she needs to be seen by a doctor, to get to the bottom of this. See a lawyer ASAP. If she needs to go to the ER, it's going to be a lot of questions and you are going to have to have some answers ready.

Good luck, keep us posted. I am sorry that I can only say what you already know. I hope it did you some good to get this said.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Bobcat,