I am now the caregiver to my Mother in Law. She is 83 yrs. old, and was in perfect health until Sept. 24th. No issues, lived alone, only had high blood pressure for years, but was taking meds,and was under control. She was the picture of health, and could go and do as much as anyone else. It was amazing.
On the 24th, she suffered a massive heart attack. She spent 2 wks in CCU getting strong enough for open heart surgery to bypass 3 arteries and do a valve replacement. The dr's thought it was a long shot she would survive the surgery, gave her 1 yr. to live without it,and 3-8 yrs. with it. They left it up to her to have it, or not. She chose to go for it. She made it thru surgery, and after it began having kidney problems, that are stil borderline failure. She had another episode of cardiac arrest after surgery due to rhtym problems, they shocked her, returned to ccu, and placed a defribulator in her. She stil cannot use her arm for 2 more weeks. She was able to walk laps at the hospital, and so she was moved to a rehab hospital to help her regain her strength and go home.
2 weeks later,(this is all the time Medicare would allow) her to stay in rehab, she was sent home, with a massive infection in her leg from the incision to get a vein for her heart. It was treated with Iv antibiotics in rehab, and we were told home health care nurses would take care of the "wounds" after she came home. She also began swelling during the 2nd wk. and has congestive heart failure.
So she was sent home Monday. We were never allowed to see her leg until she came home. Needless to say it was a shock, as there are 5 HOLES in her leg that have green pus and packing hanging out of them. Home health care nurse was shocked also. The worst wound is 2-3 inches DEEP. We are giving IV antibiotics around the clock, home health nurse is coming 2 times a day to clean wound, and we are just shocked at her condition and how she has declined since leaving the hospital and going to rehab. SHe can no longer walk, can barely stand. Has trouble with 2 steps to toilet from wheelchair, eats very little, and drinks less than 1-2 cups of fluid a day ( that is a generous estimate) and does not want anything to drink then. SHe only uses the bathroom 2-3 times a day. When I gave her her bath tonight, her legs are in support hose to help with swelling and circulation, and when removed her legs look yellow, and are very cold, yet she doesn't think they are cold or can't feel it. Her nail beds are white, and she gets confused several times a day.
No one has told us what we are dealing with here, if this is approaching the end of her life, if she will recover, or if they have sent her home to die. The home health care nurse came last night to admit her into their care, and on the paperwork my husband signed it stated that her life expectancy was 6 months or less, and the doctor wrote on potential problems"Patient has knowledge deficit as to condition, prognosis and therapy needed"
What does that mean???
I understand she is sick, but it would be so much easier to deal with mentally if someone would tell us what we are dealing with. The doctors ( 4 of them ) don't want to even take repsonsibility to write orders for the nurses,a nd pass it off to each other, and have had little to no contact with us whatsoever. The nurses are astonished at how little we have been informed.
From experience of other caregivers, what are your thoughts as to what's happening.
Also, my husband and I are the only relatives she has living, so we are caring for her in our home with our two daughters witnessing all of this. They are 9 & 14 yrs. old. They are trying to adapt and be good and understand, but they are also afraid of what may happen. Nursing home isn't possible, so it is what it is. Any advice, thoughts would be appreciated. Sorry this is so long!

Traci, I am in awe of the love and strength you have shown your family and will continue to do so.

Have peace and comfort in knowing that these two wonderful ladies are no longer suffering. In time you will see signs from each of them letting you know they are comfortable and in a far better place than we can ever imagine.

Come back and let us know how you are, we are all thinking of you.

Traci, You and your family really have hung in there through an incredibly brutal experience. Your determination to see it through is proof of your strength and courage.

Traci what can I say except to echo what others have said.
Your an extraordinary lady, your inner strength shines through.
I know in the days to come it will be tough but I have little doubt your strength will carry you through...

Heartfelt condolences to you and yours, Traci. I know this is a tough time for all of you, especially you! When things get tough, remember, we're all thinking of you and sending energy... and we'll be here next week and the week after...and next month... {{{HUGS}}}

Oh Traci!
I know you will find a way to face the coming days with the same courage your mother in law and grandmother had to take their last journeys on earth. The strength you found when taking care of them has not deserted you.
We'll be here when you get back.

Well, today is a really tough day for me, and my family. We had the visitation last night for my MIL, and it was nice. Then we left and went to see my grandmother. That was the last time I ever saw her this side of heaven. We got the call this morning that she passed away about 7 am. My mother in law's funeral was at 11 am this morning.
Please continue to pray for us, we are leaving to go out of state for the burial of my mother in law, and will return Sunday night, to start over again with services for my Grandmother. Thanks for all your prayers and concern, it is greatly appreciated.

With deepest sympathy I'm wishing you and your family peace.

Traci I am so sorry for the difficult times you are going through. Sending prayers to all your family. Prayers and big hugs to you and your Mom. Gypsy

(((Traci))) my deepest and most sincere condolences on your family's loss your all in my thoughts please be extra kind to yourselves during this time may your Gran find her peace also....

Traci, I am so sorry for your family's loss, but for your MIL, my heart soars like a hawk! I am glad that she is free at last!

Having your gramma standing just this side of the great divide is tough...

I will pray for mercy and peace for her and all those who love her. {{{{HUGS}}}}

Traci,
I'm new to the forums and haven't chimed in for you before now, but have been following only the past few days.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your loved ones. I wish you much strength the next few weeks and beyond. I'm very sorry for your loss.

Traci, may she rest in peace.
I want to ditto what Blue Water beach has said

Traci, I am praying for you and your family, stay close together in the coming days, God Bless you all!

One more thing, when you are sitting at your grandmother's side, I believe with all of my heart that those close to death can hear us even if they are not responding. Take her hand, tell her how much your times together have meant to you, talk about those special moments that you know meant so much to her. It is comforting to those so close to know that we all remember and will love them to our ending days!

Be very gentle with yourself, and hold those kids close honey!

My Mother in Law went Home this morning at 12:23 AM. She was resting comfortably up until 5:30 yesterday afternoon, the nurse had come, her blood pressure was good, and said it would be another day or so. She left and within 2 hours she started rattling when she breathed, and it progressed rapidly from there. She went peacefully, for which we are grateful.
Thank you for all the emails, prayers and many ways you have supported us thru out this, it has been such a blessing to have your support.
Please continue to pray for my Grandmother also, the nurse has said she most likely will pass away within the next day or so. It is very difficult to think of facing back to back funerals, but the Lord knows best and I choose to trust Him. Thank you for everything...

Traci, we are still here.

Sigh. Traci, there are simply times that there is no reason, where trouble is heaped upon trouble. We don't understand how folks can slip away so quickly; we don't understand how they can stay so long. The minutes feel interminable and there is never enough of us to go around let alone do what we would like to do much. You've been there for your DH, family and MIL. Your gramma belongs to an earlier part of your heart - the foundation. Your time with her whether she could respond to you or not, has been IMPORTANT, especially if only to you. Spend as much time as you need and don't look back. You are only one woman and your time has to be shared among all those you serve, but there HAS to be SOME reserved for YOU and YOU ALONE. Your husband is dealing with losing a part of his foundation and you are dealing with losing a part of yours and together you hold one another through it all. Everyone shoulders their own load and everyone sometimes has to walk alone, but come together later to share and renew. Sure, you'd like to be there for him, but you have to be there for YOU right now, too, and that means spending time away from your MIL and your husband's loss and taking time to experience your own with your gramma.

Know that a little bit of each of our hearts is all gathering together and goes with you through all of this. Keep the faith and hold on tight!

MANY Many blessings to you and yours.

Still keeping your candle lit...

Traci, sorry you have been double whammied. All to often it happens like that. Sometimes it is one after another, after another. Sometimes it is like an interstate pileup. Sweetie, you have done good, being there for your H, protecting your kids, trying hard to support your Mom while she goes through this.

I cannot actually "know" how you cope. I don't need to. What I do know, is that you have a huge plateful. Some sort of "grace" is surely headed your way.

Well, today is day 21 without food. Our hospice nurse told us 14 days was the longest they had ever had anyone go without food, but she is obviously an execption. She had what everyone thought was a burst of energy starting last Sunday night. She woke up and talked plainly for a day, asked about everyone she had ever known, and then on Tuesday stopped talking again, and couldn't answer us. She has been like that ever since. She has had sips of water, but not very much, and her pain medicine and Ativan, in liquid form, but that is all. It is amazing to the Hospice nurses that she is still here. We don't know how long or what to expect next, so your prayers are appreciated. Also, my family seems to be in the midst of a trial, my Grandmother was placed under Hospice care 2 weeks ago, and the Dr. came out to see her yesterday and says she has days to maybe a week or two left at the most, but that was generous, more like days. She isn't responding, and truthfully seems worse than my Mother in Law at this point. I know God has a reason, and I have been where I should be with my husband at home caring for his Mom, but now I have missed the last chances I've had to talk with my Grandmother, and to be honest it breaks my heart. I've been to see her 7-8 times in the last week, but she's never known I was there. I wish I could have had that time to talk with her, but its gone. I know she knew I loved her, and that's what matters most, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't wish I could have had some of the time with her that I've missed. Haven't been able to admit that to anyone in my family or my husband, so saying it here is the only place I've had to voice that. Thanks for listening, and hopefully understanding.
Please pray...

Traci, thank you for taking the time to update us.

Your family is in my prayers, God be with you all!