Hi everyone I'm Dani. I'm 23 and the spouse of a US Army Soldier. My husband and I both work full time and my father lives with us. He's lived with us for almost a year and its all I can do lately not to kick him out of my home.

My father is diabetic, has some heart problems and just basic complications that come from being old and being diabetic. He's really bad about taking his medication and that is part of the reason he lives with us.

He gets Social Security and has no other form of income. He contributes nothing to our home besides a critical voice about everything.

Some days its all i can do not to pack his stuff and throw him out of my home. We have given up a chance to live in military housing because he wont' sign the paperwork, we have given up orders to go over seas to Germany and to Italy because he wont' sign the paperwork so he can go. We can't afford to put him in a home because even with state help we're still responsible for 1100 a month.

Any suggestions would be helpful??

I agree with MB Dani Im sorry everyone in this country knows times are tight for your dad to do this to his own flesh and blood is well....I wont say it but I bet you know what Im thinking most folks are a paycheck away from losing everything they own in life so for your dad to get obstinate right now Id tell him straight out we are moving back to housing we can not afford this anymore and its your decision to come and comply with the rules or find another place to live.
I never ask I give 2 options take it or leave it.
Practice with this one Dani...NO.
Far too many people get trampled on because they cant say the word no to someone.
If your marriage is at stake you have a decision to make toot sweet your husband or your father? Father is taking advantage of your kind nature its time to show him exactly what his GROWN UP girl is made of.
If you do not you only have one person to blame here.
There are MANY options open to him and one starts with state aid they can and will help him in his time of need never doubt that.
There are many people in the system right now on state aid if he has no property no military pensions insurance policies.
Its time to get all the paperwork from your state agency along with your own and let him make the decision which way he wants to go once and for all
Let me add you have absolutely NO obligation to foot his bill for living expenses I know this for a fact I put my MIL in a Board and Care facility the ONLY thing I pay for is her depends and personal hygiene items thats it.

Dani, helo and welcome.Your so young to take on the responsibility of dad.We all can see your intentions are one of compassion.But , you have to make boundries.Not easy, I know.Easy for me to say as I am not personally involved.
What you need to do , along with hubby, is sit down with dad and have a very serious talk.Say to him what you have said to us.Tell him just how things are and what he has to do to maintain his presence with you.
Your mom may have not made demaqnds of him but you are not your mom.You made decisions to make a better life for your self and he needs to be supportive.Do not allow him to manipulate you.Many are good at that.They try the guilt trip.
Be assertive with kindness and tell him what you want to do .EITHER HE WORKS WITH YOU AND YOUR HUBBY OR HE WILL HAVE TO LIVE ELSEWHERE.
If he has limited income and low cost senior housing is available he can sign up for it.My friend has very limited income and she was accepted.There are nice ones around run by conscience people.
You really are caught in the middle of two loved ones.You have to make up your mind that you owe your self a life with hubby and take the steps necessary to achieve such.
Not easy to be firm with ones father.But he behaves in away that shows you have no other option.
Have you looked into senior housing?
Get all the information about his options and present them along with your altimatums.
When a person behaves so irresponsible someone has got to take control and it cannot be him.
Good luck to you.Not an easy position to be placed

WELCOME, Dani!! I am PROUD to make the acquaintance of someone of your tender age who has so VERY much on the ball!!

I replied in the other thread, but let me reiterate that simply because your Mom had a codependent relationship with your dad doesn't mean that YOU have to. To be honest, he doesn't sound like a very responsible man and if he refuses to help himself, you cannot allow him to drag you down. I know it sounds cold, but the way you are being treated is FAR colder... Please don't allow him to continue manipulating you and your decisions. Many people have the idea that the world should revolve around them and if allowed, will make the lives of others a living hell. Don't let him continue to manipulate you. He is a grown man making bad choices and expecting others to clean up his life messes. Sorry, but it doesn't work that way! PLEASE see if you can still get duty in Germany or Italy and GO AND SEE the WORLD!! If he wants to come, fine, but if he is going to be obstructive, leave him eating your dust!!

I hate to say it, but if he's spending what little income he is given on anything OTHER than essential services (food, rent, utilities, etc.), he is USING you and the only way he's gonna stop is for you to tell him NO MORE. A viable family unit is peopled by members who contribute whatever they can to the "kitty." He's is RIDING FOR FREE. Do what you and your husband want to do and let dad make his own decisions. He hasn't shown much in the way of good judgment thus far, but allowing him to continue using you is a crime, particularly at your age!! Only YOU can make him stop by telling him NO.

I may be wrong, but I've been under the impression that once someone hit age 65, it no longer matters how much one earns. Before that, there is an income limit - once you top it, SS takes back 2 or 3 dollars for every one earned over the limit.
I know it's terrible to think about tossing your Dad out on the street, but IT'S YOUR HOUSE and YOUR LIFE, kiddo. He has no right to dictate terms. Want to go to Italy or Germany with your husband? GO! Poor health or not, your Dad is an adult, responsible for his own actions. And you should not be responsible for him. If it's only his body doing poorly and not his mind, he should be able to figure things out for himself. Tell him you inherited his stubborn streak, and this is the way it's going to be.

He's 68. He's in poor health and he hasn't worked since the mid 80's. My mother bless her soul enabled him to the point that he can't take care of himself. He can't work because if he does he loses his Social Security because he pulled it so early the mid 90's. He doesn't make enough on Social Security to live in low income housing because here they require him to make 3 times what the rent is and if not someone has to sign for it and i'm not going to because when he decides he's not going to pay his rent i'm not going to be responsible for it. He doesn't want to have to give us any money to help with bills because that limits his money to go and spend on stupid stuff. He now owns 5 motorcycle helmets although he hasn't ridden in more then a year. he has 6 or 7 vests that he had to have.

Hi Dani, I am curious. Just how old is he? It may not matter one whit, but if there is no dementia, or physical diability, there is no reason to let him freeload at this time. I suspect he is younger and healthier than many of us who take care of our much older parents.

There has to be something more going on here. I am having a difficult time coming up with encouraging things to say. He's your Dad, you are trying to help him out, but why is he so helpless? If he is now homeless except for you because of the economy, or addiction, then in my humble opinion, he owes you some cooperation or needs to leave.. and is not your responsibility UNLESS, you find the circumstances he would make on his own, unacceptable. ( chuckling here abit, you are 23, just what do you consider "old"?) I am 56 and am primary CG for my 93 yearold Mom. Many here consider me a kid.

Welcome to ECO, and many thanks for the sacrifice you and your husband are making for all of us. There has got to be a better way out for you. If he refuses to cooperate, and he is not brain damaged, I would give him an ultimatum, We are doing THIS, if you want to come, you must do THAT, otherwise, good luck Pa, Love you, but gotta go. Here is the address of your son....

OK, that expressed a chip on my shoulder, but unless there are underlying factors involved, that is the best I have to offer.