Hello,
My name is Lori. Not sure if I am a caregiver yet, but my mother-in-law lives with us. She is 76, and experiencing more memory loss of late. My husband refuses to go with her to her doctor appts so we have to get a written request from her so that her physician can share information with us about her status. She also has emphysema, COPD, and has had a hip replacement. My husband is totally frustrated with her as she has become somewhat argumentative and confused. Is there a type of form that she needs to sign? He has a home business now but will need to start working outside the home soon and won't be able to keep an eye out for her.

Lori, here is a good link for a lot of info. You can go to your state and find much to help you.

http://www.savvysenior.org/seniorresources.htm

Welcome, Lori. You have already gotten sage advice about handling business matters as priority ONE with your MIL. Your attorney can assist you with the DPOA and any other estate matters you need. Your MILs finances should be as familiar to you and your husband as your own at this point.

Caring for a loved one at home is challenging, but many folks are doing it with assistance from doctors via home health agencies and other service organizations. Contact your local Council on Aging for local information about services, support groups, lists of caregivers, Meals On Wheels, sitters and more. Many operate adult daycares (a WONDERFUL gift to working folks) and other programs to enrich the lives of our loved ones.

Good luck!

Hey Lori welcome in BC is absolutely correct you need a POA & DPOA for your MIL to be able to make decisions speak to doctors finances etc.
I also live in Cali now as long as your MIL is yet to be diagnosed with Dementia you need to get these 2 documents toot sweet.
You can go the route of a lawyer or you can do as I did and get a program by Suze Orman Will and Trust kit great lil program legal in all states user friendly *prompts you thru the entire program* then all you have to do is get a notary public to come in and do their thing making it legal.
No fuss no muss and certainly much cheaper than a lawyer.
The next thing to conquer is banks & Social security.
What we did here is put my husbands name on my MIL's (his mom) bank account much easier than going through all the mess of paperwork, it works for us, it may or may not work for you.
The SS check your mom gets every month has she signed up for direct deposit if so great if not try and do that fast it makes life alot easier for you in the long run.
If you are going to be her primary CG then you need to sit down and talk with your husband and ask him whether he wants to be his moms DPOA or a secondary on the document.
I am my MIL's DPOA with my H as the secondary since he is most comfortable with me making well thought out decisions, he trusts that I will inform him of anything that my MIL's needs as far as treatment goes and its backed up by honest to goodness research, after all this is his mom I cant afford to make any mistakes there
Its a heavy burden to take on so think about that sweetie its not for the faint of heart.
I am VERY aware how wrong this can go for me.

I almost forgot is your hubby an only child or are there other siblings?

Lori56, For you to be able to intervene for her financialy and medically, you will need Power of Attorney and Durable Power of Attorney (POA and DPOA) or the equivalent in your state. At the very least, your MIL needs to sign a release at her Doctor's office to allow the doc to talk to you. The DPOA (or equivalent) is very important. It will allow you to get info from her doc or the hospital as things progress.

There is much info already here, but the long term people who know their way around will be happy to help you find links, or give you personal advice.


I welcome you to ECO. I hope we can help you keep the stress to a minimum. It ain't easy, but it is doable. At least for a while. Talk to us.