I feel so tired. I work outside the home on a "part time" basis, but have my Mom here in our home. I am learning so much as I go along but it is so sad at the same time, even though it helps me understand a few behaviors. My relationship with my Mom was not that great as a child or even as an adult often; but, I do love her and want to give her what I can offer in her later days.

Mostly I am tired and sad. This makes me feel frustrated with her actions. I try not to show this, but internally it is just awful.

Please someone give me some help so that my heart will remain good and warm to my Mom. I feel like a failure. I feel as if my insides should be joyful and content that I am able to take care of her.

Sorry this was so long and such a down note. I just found this forum and am so in need of other caregivers' knowledge and (I hate to say it, but) and a bit of empathy. Snug

quote:

It just feels good to say "frustrating" to folks who know what that means.

Welcome, snugcare. "Frustrating" to many caregivers (and anyone who has never "walked the walk") is a LOT more than just that... it's more like wanting to run screamin' nekkid down the street!!


But... it would frighten small children and horses, so we try not to act out the extreme edge of our experiences. We also don't have bail money...

Please know that we DO understand and what has helped many of us a LOT is having others who understand with whom to communicate. Looking forward to getting to know you and yours.

MANY blessings to you for all that you do to help your Mom get through this time in her life.

Mellissa M ... aren't they great! I have had one since in my 30s. Never without one. Two other dogs, but always that "Wyatt!. Thanks for your comments. Today is a very frustrating morning. Maybe I can talk about it later. It just feels good to say "frustrating" to folks who know what that means. Thank you!

Hi Snugcare. What a great name - love it! Makes me feel kinda warm and fuzzy.

I understand feeling like a failure. I'm not sure there's a caregiver who doesn't feel that way sometimes. I took care of my parents, and did have good relationships with them growing up, and STILL found myself getting tired and frustrated and irritable with them. I think it just comes with the turf, Snugcare - does NOT make you a failure. The trick is trying to find ways to let out that frustration in other ways where possible so that you dont' end up venting on them, and also to do things for yourself that give you pleasure and peace of mind. You need to recharge your batteries, too. I know, easier said than done sometimes, but - if there's any way you can take time for yourself -it really does help.

And talking here helps, so I hope you keep posting. Lots of people who understand how you're feeling on this site.

Take care and welcome aboard!

Hello, Snugcare. Sorry I didn't greet you before, but I do want to add my welcome now. I loved the photo album, sorry, I doin't know how you add more, never tried, but that is a great looking family. Like others have said, this will wear you down even with the best of circumstances. Hang around, You will see you are not alone.

Hi Snug, glad you're here!
Hang around a bit. Check out the anger wall.
None of us have joy and content in our hearts all the time. Most of us are also tired and sad and overworked and underpaid and sometimes just crazy nuts with everything going on or not going on around us. Drop your guilt at the door, my dear - put your feet up and relax here for a while. Hang around long enough and you too will soon feel like you have a few dozen new family members who know your feelings and try their best to talk you up from the pit. Different people for different situations - but someone will always help you out.

Thanks to all of you for the very nice comments to our album. I can't get back to my album to add more/different ones. Can one of you tell me how?

Oh Snug! I'm so glad you feel better!

See, I told you that you found a great group here!

There's alot of good info on that front page, some outdated but most of it is good info.

Dochka -- I am not sure I am doing this correctly ... this is for Dochka. Thank you and I did go immediately and read the link you gave to me. Today I already feel better. Just getting these ideas and a better understanding have meant so much to me.

You are so welcome sweetheart Im doing ok today thank you for asking and now that we gotcha a little propped up you just set there an breath a bit and watch for others that are sure to pipe in like our girl Dochka here shes a blessing to us I gotta jet off to a shift Ill BBL to see what kinda party y'all threw in my absence

Thank you so much Bunnys_grl. your note was very helpful. I will begin to try to see myself in another light. I hope all is well with you today and I am grateful you were there for me.

Hi and Welcome!
You have taken the first step to relieve your sadness! You are not alone!

You have reached out to a wonderful group of caregivers who know exactly how you feel because we are walking that road beside you!

I am giving you a link to read from our first page on ECO. It will help.
http://www.ec-online.net/Knowl...icles/stressmgt.html


I know other members will be along shortly with their advice too! Hang in there!

*

Snug welcome in (((hugs)))
First off your no failure sweetie your taking on something many cant or won't do.
I feel and empathize with you I cared for my MIL for 10 years who was not always the nicest person to deal with and yes frustrating at times too.
I felt like I couldnt go on until I met up with these folks here that do walk the walk and talk the talk.
Its ok to feel like you do this is a hard job on the best of days but you need to focus on the accomplishments in this journey.
Think about it for a moment you didnt shove her in a home to let others take care of her so what part of that sounds like a failure to you?
We all have a little baggage from our relationships with our parents but were we any better with them?
I know I made my LO's cringe from time to time its called growing and stepping outside the lines to become the human beings we see in the mirror each morning.
Now look at you, grown, full of dreams and ideals but sometimes those ideals and dreams dont exactly fit into the life we try to make for ourselves so we must try to adapt, alter the dream a bit....
"That which does not kill us makes us stronger"

Now instead of focusing on these so called failures which for the life of me I cant see, how about if you tell us a little bit about mom.
What are her ailments?