My grandma lives in a retirement home and her 3 daughters believe she is declining enough to need to move. They looked at 6 assisted living places, but she did not meet the criteria for any. It looks like she is reaching a nursing-home level of need.

My small family lives in a 4-bedroom house (2 adults, 1 baby, 1 dog). I think that we could move her in with us.

Here is what she does NOT have
Heart problems
any diseases like cancer or diabetes
dementia or advanced mental problems

Here is what she does have trouble with.
Strokes, two bad ones and many TIAs.
Falling - sudden weakness; probably related to strokes.
very forgetful.
Low blood sugar.
Sudden dizziness and you have to get her down fast or she will pass out.

My mom and aunts worry about her forgetting her medicine. She has done things like take her meds at the wrong time (night meds in the morning, etc). They worry that she does not always remember to eat. Now she has a medicated patch and it's dangerous to change it too much or not enough.

My mom and aunts do a great job, but they all are very busy and what she really needs right now is someone to maintain her meds. My mom sorts them, but can't administer or remind her every day. She needs someone to make sure she eats good meals. She often does not notice when something is expired. My mom and aunts do a good job of buying her groceries, cleaning her fridge and brining her meals.

My husband and I agreed we would be willing to care for her. We could cook for her, manager her meds and dr. visits, and give her loving company. She does not need someone to bathe and dress her (yet) she needs someone WATCH in case she gets suddenly weak and prevent harm due to forgetfulness or bad judgment.

I guess what I am looking for is a more experienced person to tell me whether they think it is something we can handle. I believe I can handle it mentally/emotionally. After being a mother for a year I have some experience caring for all of someone's needs but I have never cared for an adult in that capacity. There must be a million things I have not thought of. I don't know where to turn to look for resources. At best, we would arrange day care during working hours and be with her ourselves other times, leaving her alone as little as possible. I figure it could not cost more than a nursing home. I need to do as much research as possible so I can present a good case to my family, who may think I am making a well-meaning but ignorant offer. I am very well aware of what I am committing to. Sorry for the long introduction, and thanks for any responses. My husband is 30 and I am 29. Our baby is 1 and will be an only child.

I'm curious about what issues are disqualifying her for assisted living. Your grandmother sounds like she's much more self-sufficient than my mother-in-law was when she went into assisted living. When my MIL had to be transferred to the nursing home it was largely due to her incontinence and inability to manage that on her own (i.e. unable to recognize when she was wet and smelly and change her depends) plus she was unable to transfer herself to and from the wheelchair. (There were other issues as well, but these were the dealbreakers.)

The assisted living facilities here offer meds management, three meals a day in the dining room, housekeeping, bathing assistance as part of the basic service.

Do consider closely Bobcat's remarks about the logistical difficulties of having a child. Babies are fairly portable and can be taken along in a pinch, but an elder isn't necessarily and it gets more difficult as they become less mobile and more easily confused and agitated.

For us, it's been ten years of care from the point at which your grandmother seems to be until today.

Not trying to discourage you, but with that baby you really need to make certain that you have sufficient physical support from the rest of the family, especially in the form of granny-sitters.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: T.O.R.P.,

Hi, Kirri, welcome to ECO. We like for new members to start here no matter if they are dealing with dementia or not. This is just fine. Op gave you a good piece of advice. Read through the forum for the challenges you will face and think long and hard. Absolutely look into elder day care. Socializing with others is often overlooked.

Once you start it is like burning bridges behind you and you have no way of knowing how long a commitment you will be making..You don't mention her age, but my mom is 94 and bnot's is 95. I think you can probably handle it, but (BUT) the needs of an elder usually become more demanding as time passes. As you said, she doesn't need help bathing and toileting YET. When that time comes, will you then move her to a NH? I ask this because I honestly believe that a home environment is worth gold, but many NHs are excellent, and elders adjust beautifully. There is a lot of bias against NHs, sometimes justified, other times not.

I guess what really concerns me the most is your child. This is a very important part of your considerations. On one hand it is a wonderful experience to have an elder around while you are growing up. On the other, there will likely be times when both of them need you and you will have to choose. THAT will be hard. Will you have to miss your child's first dance recital because you can't find someone to stay with Granny? That is the sort of jam caregivers often find themselves in.

Another is finances. Would you become her POA and DPOA? You will have to be able to spend her money for her care. You really shouldn't be spending your baby's college fund on Granny, but that often happens. This needs to be carefully considered. What you are proposing will be less than a NH at least at first, but not free.

I have thrown out a few negatives just to stir things up a bit. From the info in your post it truly sounds like you and your husband are giving this serious thought and your grandmother would probably thrive under your care. Proper meals tailored to her needs, lots of small snacks (for her low blood sugar), proper administration of her meds, will make a huge difference and may make it possible for her to meet the criteria for assisted living. Just think though, once you start this journey, it changes your life, for better or worse, but it is hard and you will be making sacrifices along the way.

two reading assignments for you... just to start.

preventing falls http://eldercare.infopop.cc/ev...6016051/m/5071083034

caring for parents in your home
http://eldercare.infopop.cc/ev...6016051/m/6181068135

Good luck darlin' Let us know how it goes.

Hi Kirri. You sure have a good heart. :-) I'd say read through the different sections here because they give you a good idea of some of the challenges you might face.

I'd suggest looking into programs in your area that might offer you assistance -- elder day care, for instance, can be a good way to let your grandmother enjoy socializing with her peers while giving you a break. :-)

I'm so very sorry, I did not notice this was the dementia and Alzheimer's subforum. I think that my post should be moved to the Homecare & Independent Living section of "Elder Care Topics" subform.