Hello all. I'm new here. So glad I found this site.

My Daddy is 82. He has never been a robust man, and after mother died in late 2001, he just began a downhill slide. After a series of falls, he became weaker and weaker and was finally completely bed-ridden about a year ago. He lost his appetite after mother's death and for quite some time now all he's had are two milkshakes a day - made with Boost, eggs and lots of ice cream, so at least he's getting some nutrition. His mind is still pretty clear - no doubt from years of doing accounting, reading and working crossword puzzles...

My unemployed brother has been living with him (and off him) for about 3 years now, and has just announced plans to take a job out of state. If history is an indicator at all, he will screw this job up too, lose it, blame in on someone else, and be back here within 90 days. But that's another story for another day. The upshot of it is that even his temporary absence will necessitate Daddy's move to my house - for which I am glad - but I'm treating it as a permanent move and trying to work through all the issues that are of concern to me before it happens.

We are blessed as a result of Daddy's decision to take out a long term care policy. Because of this, I am not likely to have to actually care for Daddy in the sense that some are caregivers. Home care aids will come twice a day, 7 days a week to bathe him and change him. A hospice nurse comes in once every 1 or 2 weeks to take his blood pressure and generally assess his condition. His blood pressure is perfect, and although he has emphysema and was on oxygen and breathing treatments for a while, those symptoms have improved and he doesn't require any breathing help at all at this point. His mind is still sharp, but he sleeps most of the day and watches TV from the early evening until he goes to sleep around 9:30 or 10. God bless "Law and Order" in all its many incarnations!! He could live like this for years absent a stroke or other sudden, unexpected health crisis.

I'm a 55 year old single woman with fibromyalgia. I own my own furniture consignment business and am constantly lifting and shoving big items from place to place. Needless to say, most days I crawl home on all fours only to get up the next day and start over again. So, I will not be home with Daddy during the day. And when I am, I'm likely to be a tad comatose. Which is okay with Daddy, because he has always been a reclusive person, very easily overstimulated by too much conversation. He tries to appear interested, but all it takes is about 3 or 4 minutes of my telling a story - talking constantly - and I can see him begin to get nervous and know he just wants me to be quiet. So, more than likely most of our time together will be spent with me in a chair in his room watching the same episodes of Law and Order I've seen (or heard) a dozen times.

So, that's probably more background than anyone wanted, but I thought I'd paint a broad brush picture before I jumped in with my plea for help. So, here I go...

My primary concern at this point is home security. My brother had no qualms about leaving the house unlocked for hours at a time, sometimes late into the evening, while Daddy was lying defenseless in the bed. Daddy's house had a carport, not a garage, so unless the home aid was there, it appeared that no one was home...a situaton ripe for a burglary/robbery.

I realize there has to be access for the home aids, but while he usually has the same ones during the week, the service occasionally changes them up and we almost never see the same aids on the weekends, so giving out a key to a "trusted aid" just doesn't seem to be an option. And while I'm afraid to leave the door unlocked, I'm also afraid to have it locked in the event - God forbid - there was a fire or other emergency that required emergency workers to enter the house. I was going to look into one of those electronic entry locks that require a code, but I have this vision of the home aid not being able to input the code properly. I just don't know...

Does anyone out there have this same concern? Have you tackled this issue? I would love some input on this.

Also, if anyone else is an "absentee caregiver" - away from the home during the day - how do you get yourself comfortable that everything is OK on the home front? Anyone use a "nanny cam" or other device to view the aid's treatment of your loved one?

thanks in advance for the benefit of your wisdom!

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I suggest his Dr put him on Home health & get him a PT program.I'm finishing up PT myself & I'm doing ever so much better

I'm glad you are feeling better, SL, but this man is bedridden and very weak. While HH does offer some PT and OT via home care, it isn't very effective and Medicare doesn't pay for much if the patient cannot participate in the therapy. Doesn't hurt though to ask the doc what he qualifies for... anything is better than nothing.

I suggest his Dr put him on Home health & get him a PT program.I'm finishing up PT myself & I'm doing ever so much better.........I do have Vascular dementia but am on Razadyne for it.I'm doing great in that area.My body is in worse shap than my mind.....LOL.

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But a while back I thought I saw where you could monitor the camera (or cameras) through your computer on a real time basis...sort of like those kids online that have cameras trained on themselves all the time. Anyone know anything about that?

The member who started the thread below uses that kind of camera setup, I believe. You could PM her for advice...
http://eldercare.infopop.cc/eve/forums/a/tpc/f/32560301...461039694#6461039694

We definitely want to use Daddy's insurance, but I'm just wondering whether - sort of like an HMO or PPO - if there's a "network" of approved caregivers, and if all those caregivers are required to be placed through agencies whether it's possible to go outside an agency, find your own good person, and have the carrier reimburse for that. We'll see. I'm going to contact the agency sometime this week.

Thanks for all your help. I've been looking at "nanny cams" online. Most appear to record to tape or DVD for later playback. But a while back I thought I saw where you could monitor the camera (or cameras) through your computer on a real time basis...sort of like those kids online that have cameras trained on themselves all the time. Anyone know anything about that?

Some agencies require people to be certified I am a CNA (Certified Nursing Assistant) some agencies dont, NA's (Nursing assistants) get less per hour since they are not certified by the state at least here they are not paid my rate but if you hire outside the agency you can work hourly wages out.
If I were you I would use your dads insurance though, its already paid for right?

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Originally posted by Bunnys_grl:
For folks that have insurance that pays for this service hourly rates are set in stone.
Insurance allocates how many days an agency gets as well as hours a day.
You may want to put an ad in the newspaper with a hourly rate your comfortable with.
As for change and clean do you mean what CNA's do in your home?
If so thats what we are specified to do for all clients unless they ask us not to do it.
Some of this is simply for infection control, prevention of falls/patient safety, etc. and because we only deal with 1 patient at a time we are required to do things like vacuuming dishes laundry and whatever you need done to fill up the 4 -8 hours a day.
We have to show the Insurance co. their dollars are well spent as well as the agency.

Heres a question on that Im curious about since you are the client when you call the agency you have do you ever ask them to send someone out that you are more comfortable with? If so do they comply with your wishes?

Bunnys_grl, I"m not sure what the qualifications of the home aids have been thus far (CNAs?). They are with an agency, and generally come long enough to clean him up - incontinence, etc. - and change his sheets. And, if necessary, give him a bath. They wash the sheets, and clean the kitchen. After that, one leaves, and another comes in about 4 or 5 hours later.

I have yet to speak with the agency. I'll be contacting them this week to let them know about Daddy's change of address, so I'm sure I can cover some of this with them.

Other than the cleaning (Daddy) and changing (Daddy's sheets) and getting him is meal (always a boost shake chock full of vitamins), there really is little else to do with Daddy. We're hoping to find - and in fact have received a name of - someone who can come in and spend the day with Daddy while I"m out, and do it all. According to my brother, this person gets $8-$10 per hour instead of the $16 per hour through the agency. Do you think there will be a problem having this covered by his long term care insurance???

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my brother had left scented candles burning throughout the empty house

OMG!!! Besides taking care of Mom, I also make candles and your brother is a HORROR to any responsibile chandler! What a complete fool! It sounds like he was subconsciously (I hope!) trying to "set up" a situation where all his "problems" in life would go up in smoke!

If you are a member of a local church, some do volunteer sitting as a service. You may have a neighbor who would enjoy making a few extra dollars, etc. But please - do keep someone there when you are not for a multitude of reasons! I SOOOO understand how confining this is to a caregiver but just as having a helpless infant in one's home, this level of responsibility simply goes with the turf. I'd have loved to have been able to use a device like the "I'veFallenAndICan'tGetUp" button, but Mom would have used it inappropriately ("Hmmmm... what's THIS button for?") or taken it apart (Mom's mechanical skills are legendary and the battered remote control for her TV is proof - the most recent time she disassembled it and put the batteries to "soak" in her water glass was ummmmm last week!). THAT'S the problem with aid devices - if they rely at all upon the patient to utilize them, they are only of very transitory value. Where I live, there are no close neighbors to call in case of emergency, especially during the day when they are all off at work or errands. Many folks DO have neighbors who'll watch out for things while we run to the store, etc. but when push comes to shove, it is up to us as their guardians to ensure that they are reasonably protected from harm 24/7.

Another great resource for assistance frequently overlooked by harried caregivers are local eldercare organizations (Council on Aging) and support groups. While these groups themselves may not offer services, they DO know where to find them and often can recommend people who have served others in similar situations.

It is very disrupting to our adult lives to take on care for our afflicted or bedridden loved ones, but the difference in the level of their care and the personal attention they receive is huge. It's a thankless job and many times our loved ones don't or can't say thanks or give us the recognition we deserve for the services we are rendering, but here at ECO, WE KNOW and APPRECIATE your generosity in this undertaking. MANY blessings to you for the service you are giving to your dad.

For folks that have insurance that pays for this service hourly rates are set in stone.
Insurance allocates how many days an agency gets as well as hours a day.
You may want to put an ad in the newspaper with a hourly rate your comfortable with.
As for change and clean do you mean what CNA's do in your home?
If so thats what we are specified to do for all clients unless they ask us not to do it.
Some of this is simply for infection control, prevention of falls/patient safety, etc. and because we only deal with 1 patient at a time we are required to do things like vacuuming dishes laundry and whatever you need done to fill up the 4 -8 hours a day.
We have to show the Insurance co. their dollars are well spent as well as the agency.

Heres a question on that Im curious about since you are the client when you call the agency you have do you ever ask them to send someone out that you are more comfortable with? If so do they comply with your wishes?

Thank you both for that valuable input. No, Daddy is too weak to use the phone, so that answers that question. If you can believe it, my brother actually used to leave the house for hours at a time with Daddy unattended. My favorite is when he drove out of state to pick his children up for Christmas. It was the first time he'd had them for the holidays since his divorce. I stopped by the house after he'd left to visit Daddy and not only was he left attended, but my brother had left scented candles burning throughout the empty house and left instructions to the home aid that they were not to be blown out. Obviously, the first thing I did was blow them out.

Bunnys_girl, as someone involved in the professional care giving side of things, do you ever have companions that just sit (as opposed to change and clean) at a lesser rate than those who actually do the work? Our long term policy has a cap - as most do - and I want to try to keep the cost as low a possible to try to ensure that the coverage isn't exhausted too soon.

Thanks again!

Welcome, Daddy's Girl!
Is your father able to use the telephone in case of emergency? Because if he cannot, he should NOT be left alone, period. In many areas it is illegal to leave a helpless patient alone, same as leaving an infant who is unable to help themselves out of an emergency situation. I sympathize - no, EMPATHIZE - with this one because my Mom has been bedridden for nearly 6 years now and is unable to use the telephone or call for assistance. Having lost a home to fire, I know from firsthand experience how long it takes for the fire department to get to my home (and those folks are QUICK!) and Mom wouldn't stand a chance if there was not someone right here to help her in case of an emergency. There have been occasions when I had to dash out for 10 minutes and leave Mom alone and those were 10 LONG minutes for me, I can assure you! If I had passed a fire truck along the way, I would probably have needed nitro!

If people are entering your home to take care of your dad and you are not there, you would be well-served to use a nanny-cam to observe the activities of workers in your home. It would also be a good idea to use a service that he can "press a button" to call for help of any sort and also to have a smoke/fire alarm system that automatically dials the fire department if it goes off.

Welcome in DG Glad to have you
Yes as a matter of fact I have some patients that do have these key vaults/safes on the front door none of our girls have a problem with it either they are very easy to operate mostly its the doors that give us the headaches or the front gates of homes
Seriously though if there ever is a problem we all call the office the only thing that ever comes up is families changing the codes on us at times.
No problem other than that.

I cant say I have used cameras in the absence of having a live cg in the home but I have used them to monitor my MIL when she was still living with us they are a valuable tool.