My mother was just diagnosed with moderate demention, prescribed Aricept. Stayed with me 2 weeks then packed her bags and sat at the table until I agreed to take her home on a monitored basis. I disperse meds and food daily, she is coping much better at home that with me. She was verbally abusive and didn't sleep here. Did I do the wrong thing? How do I cope with the anger?

Moms Buddy, what an excellent post.You said it all so well.

quote:

Originally posted by Birdie's mom:
... She was verbally abusive and didn't sleep here. Did I do the wrong thing? How do I cope with the anger?

Birdies Mom, All I can suggest to you is to try to examine things from your mom's perspective. She is losing her independence and way of life and she doesn't want to give it up! People with minimal brain damage frequently have flat responses to the feelings of others and express and act out their anger and irritations. This can be very upsetting to those around them because it seems like their loved one is saying cruel things to them. What is really happening is that those mean remarks are a product of the disease - not your mom! Your way of relating to her may need to change. Because of her disease, SHE has been changed into someone you may not understand. Please remember that the harsh words are just that - sounds formed by lips through which hot air blows. If you KNOW you have done nothing to irritate her, let those words be like water on a duck's back. At the same time, do try to realize how incredibly frustrating this is for her... we do for them but we don't do things the way they are accustomed to doing them. This may seem small to us, but it is huge to the people who have lost the ability to do for themselves.

Eventually, as BG said, your mom will have to have more assistance for her own welfare. Hopefully, you will be able to "connect" with her enough that she can understand that you are on her side, that you are trying to keep her safe the same way she did for you years ago... If something is not right to her, ask her what you can do to make it better... Sometimes, it's just little things that don't matter to us, that we can easily change. Other times, it would be a major shift in our way of doing things and you have to gently explain that you have to do it your way because... Many times, our reassurances and explanations don't "stick," and we have to go over and over things with them. It can be aggravating to the point of screeching, but try to remember that you are dealing with someone who is losing their ability to understand stuff...
Good luck and bless you for trying so hard to do what's "right" for everyone. It's a tough row to hoe!!

Birdie you need to get together with her Doctor to talk things out. You didnt do the wrong thing. But eventually she is going to have to give in and either stay with you or go to an ALF because its going to become too dangerous to leave her alone.