Making a thread for her introduction.... here we go.....

OK, Opie - gotcha all moved, extraneous comments deleted, etc.

Now - WELCOME!! Glad you found your way here. ECO is populated by a lot of really great folks. None of us knows it all, but among us, we've all seen most situations that crop up. And if we haven't, we'll bend over backwards to help you find solutions to difficulties, pat your hand when you are fretting, light a candle when you are praying and worried and be here for the duration of your adventure into Eldercare. Wish we all lived down the street and we'd make casseroles, fresh coffee and kidnap ya every now and again for some fun, but ya can't have everything, right?

I haven't had a chance yet to really read your story (buzzing around doing forum "housekeeping") but hang in there and know one thing for sure: you are NOT alone and this is NOT just happening to you and yours!!

MANY blessings to you and your DH for your loving care of your Mom. I know it's tough, but it starts with having a good heart and the willingness to TRY... Hang in there!

Moved Reply:

Thanks for the kind words, Bob.

Let's see. I'm fifty, my husband is fifty-one. I'm unusual in being an agoraphobic recluse which make socializing, even with Mom, a real trial for me. That adds an extra element of difficult to the situation.

I think the most frustrating part of the current situation is Mom's memory. She'll ask for some food, for instance, and when we point out last time it was served she complained bitterly about not liking it, she won't remember. She'll insist she does like it. Right till it's in front of her, then she starts the complaining again.

Or she'll want to see her financial records, then when she gets them she'll accuse us of hiding them from her. Nope. She just doesn't remember the last time she saw them. It's so frustrating but I don't think there's much to be done about her memory but grit our teeth and be patient.

One thing I wish I could solve is her boredom. Since I'm inclined to silence, this house is mighty quiet during the day, even though I'm here all the time. If I could just find some purpose or activity for her to focus on. It seems to me children's occupations might amuse her, like jigsaw puzzles, but I don't want to insult her by getting her a slinky. I've thought of working with her on a family photo book but don't want to frustrate her by asking her to remember names she can't recall anymore. It's a tough one... I think that was one really good thing about the convalescent hospital. She complained she didn't like the activities (Bingo, mostly) but they did have some and she did participate in a few. I don't think she gets enough stimulation right now, and my own oddness makes me a poor candidate to take her out to public events.

Moved Reply:

Opinionated, Please don't apologise for how you feel. This is rough. Your sister, you, and your husband are champions.You really have made a sacrifice. Don't cut yourself short. Let us know more and maybe we can help you. But please don't feel quilty because this is hard. It is.

Introduce yourself and you situation. We will try.

Moved Reply:

All those of you with big hearts make me hang my head in shame. We are living with my elderly mother because her refusal to make any other plans to care for herself forced us to. For years, we begged her to move with Dad to an assisted care home. Dad thought it was a good idea but she always said, "We're doing alright and as long as we are, I can't see making any changes."

I pointed out she was setting them up to make plans during a crisis but she wouldn't listen. Then Dad died suddenly of a heart attack, Mom lost her mind, and my sister and I were left to pick up the pieces. Mom is in the early stages of Parkinsons, and in her early eighties. My sister lives six hundred miles away so it fell to my husband and me by default. It makes me resentful. My sister stayed for two weeks right after Dad's death, she comes up for a weekend once a month to give us a break, and she calls Mom every day. She can't really do more.

We had to leave our three bedroom home. Now my husband and I live in a 13x15' space that used to be a sunroom. It would be nice, if we didn't have to leave all our possessions behind and cram everything essential needed to live into too small a space.

For the first two months, Mom was completely bedridden with sciatica and depression to the point of dementia. And had digestive problems. I've never had children but I sure am good at changing diapers now. She used to just lay in bed moaning "Oh lordy, oh lordy, oh lordy." We finally had to send her to a convalscent hospital when she came down with a urinary tract infection, which I had missed entirely. She always complains of pain and discomfort but is very vague about what hurts and how, but I still feel I should have caught it.

She was there for two weeks and improved rapidly. She kept ignoring the physical therapist's instructions here at home, either because she didn't listen, didn't understand, or couldn't remember. Probably a combination of all three. At the hospital, they did get her up and walking, and able to toilet herself which makes a huge difference.

It's a trial being here. Mom has to have precise meals at precise times, and she is not shy about complaining -- she has a list of things she won't eat that's eight miles long. In fact, I'd say complaining is her second-favorite hobby, right after worrying. The home care workers have done with their visits (and I bless the heads of all of them, and Medicare for providing them. They were a godsend.)

Mom won't let me call Senior Peer Support so she wouldn't be so isolated -- she wants me to spend all her waking time chatting with her to keep her entertained. I work at home, so she doesn't see why I can't. I am not an idle chitchatter, and her asking me "What's new?" when I just saw her five minutes ago drives me crazy.

She has started reading again these past two weeks, and to watch the evening news on TV which I see as signs of getting better. She's still often combative, argumentative, confused or difficult. For instance, it took me forty-five minutes to get an outfit out that pleased her yesterday because she didn't want any of the pants that were in her pants drawer. She wanted some pale green pants I haven't seen yet and she wanted me to search the house top to bottom, right then and there to find them. I'm learning and refused to do so. If I agreed with all her demands, she would keep me hopping every moment she wasn't napping.

We're sure a time will come when a nursing home is the only answer that will keep us all in best condition but, knowing that, we want to keep her in her home as long as we can. Weeks? Months? I doubt years. It's hard. Feels good to vent, I guess, and I've browsed this forum and found oodles of good tips but I don't think there's any advice that can make it easy.