Hi all,

My mom is a "crazy cat lady." She destroyed our childhood home (brick, on two acres), by letting cats inside to completely ruin the place, and by setting food outside continually. She didn't set out cheap food, either. She bought 100's of dollars of "Fancy Feast" each month. My sister and I have been trapping and hauling off feral cats from her house (inside and out!) for many years now.

Thank God that part is over. Unfortunately, the house is unfit to live in now. A person can spend 1 minute in there and run outside, gasping for air. Before you think we are the reason, know that my sister and I had tried (for years!!) everything we could to convince Mom to stop living the way she was. She just wouldn't listen. Our mom has always been demented, I guess. Filth and disgust does not even begin to describe the place.

Now, Mom has congestive heart failure, and she has been in and out of the hospital. She had been living with my sister and I off and on (different houses) since she first got out of the hospital in December, 08.

She is in a nursing home after this last episode though. She is 81. She is trying to get stronger to come back and live with us (she never asks about her precious cats or her house), but I don't think she will ever be able to lift herself up out of a chair again. When she was living with us, she could get up and go to the bathroom and to the refrigerator. She can't do that anymore, and we have to lift her up. She can only shuffle a few steps after that.

Her thighs and abdomen are HUGE now. Her doctor sees her every few days, so she is in good hands. Physical therapists work with her daily. I take her to my sister's house every Saturday, BUT, Mom is extremely heavy to lift, and she prefers to have someone lift her up, rather than try to use her leg muscles. My sister thinks Mom is taking advantage of us, by not working very hard, but I asked my sis, "How could anyone lift up those elephant legs?"

My mom went from driving, grocery shopping, feeding cats, cutting the grass, ignoring me (ha!) and doing everything on her own to becoming completely helpless. It is depressing. Her dementia is getting worse, too. She keeps calling me her "youngest daughter," which I'm not. She starts a sentence and then stops and concentrates, as if trying to find the right words.

Today when I drove her up to my sister's house, Mom said she had to "pee and poo RIGHT NOW!" My sis brought out the toilet and we helped her on to it, right in the front yard!!! Thankfully, my sis lives in a rural place where nobody could see my mom on the toilet!

I'm not sure what we're going to do now. I don't want her here at my house again, knowing she can't get up and walk anymore. I go to work every day, and so does my sis. We don't have money for all of this, and Mom's income is more than the Medicaid limit, so she can't stay in the nursing home too much longer. (Medicare and supplemental insurance are paying now.)

Our lives (Mom, husband, son, sister, me) sure have changed. I guess my sis and I had better get use to the idea of wiping our crazy cat mother's ass before we go to work in the morning, and again when we get home!!!!

Gee, none of us was prepared for this. Is anyone on this forum surprised?! :-) Thanks for hearing me vent.

Hi Carol welcome in
Feral cats huh? Wow I can just imagine my best friends neighbor does this an lemme tell you...that smell, and thats just the outside Id hate to know what the inside looks or smells like
You poor thing!
CHF thats pretty tough on folks so tell your sis its not about mom not wanting to do for herself its a matter of she cant.
They have no energy and any amount of movement is hard on their heart it starts to race making them feel downright horrible.
Most cases Iv seen they were very active in life and are extremely frustrated at how this has knocked them down.
Their mind still goes full throttle its that their poor bodies just cant keep up.
An Eldercare attorney is a definite must at this point you can also talk to a Medical Social Worker at the facility she is at, they can help you navigate through some of this like find out what kind of insurance your mom may have, whether there is any military benefits due her (was your dad in the military?)
What options are open to your mom in the way of NH's or if there are Board and Care's in your area.
Board and Care's are negotiable in prices I have my MIL in one, they are IMHO much better than a NH since the setting is a house rather than a cold sterile facility setting.
Ask to see if you have any in the area.

Again welcome in Carol your humor alone is very welcome

Hi Carol. Wow,what a story! Your mother may be the first crazy cat lady to grace Eldercare! Just when you thought you'd heard everything!

You do sound like you have a good sense of humor, so hope you know I"m joking. Well,not entirely. That is an unusual situation, and if I thought my parents' home had smell issues for various reasons, I am grateful that my animal loving mother did not invite feral cats over

If I"m hearing you right, I get the impression that you and your sister feel your mother would do best staying in the nursing home, but her assets are the problem to doing that. You do have the option of using her assets to pay privately for the NH until they're spent down to where she'd qualify for Medicaid. However, you'd need a durable POA that would allow one of you to handle her finances. Do either of you have that? And her house would count as an asset as well. It would need to be sold, and obviously- in it's current condition - that could be a problem. There are certainly some obstacles here, and you may want to consult with an elder law attorney to learn your options. If taking Mom home would be difficult, or impossible, for either of you to do long term, then you need to find out what you can do.

If you do decide to take her home, with her mobility issues, it would be advisable to consult with NH social worker and check into what equipment (thinking especially of a Hoyer lift) that her insurance might provide for you to make it easier and safer to care for her.

The sooner you check into what's feasible, the easier it will be for you all. It's always tough, and I hope you find answers. Let us know!

Tough circumstances but you still managed to crack some jokes -- what a gift that is. When we can remember to laugh, we can find a way to get by, I think.

Hope you continue to stop by -- the good folks here are great at advice and a shoulder to lean on, I've found. :-)

Welcome to ECO, Carol. That is quite a full plate you and your sister have. I am glad you have each other and are on the same side. And it truly sounds like you are both on your mother's side as well. Congestive Heart Failure is accompanied by exhaustion, weakness, fluid retention, and being confused. Medication and therapy can help signifantly for a while but it takes its toll. Depression rears its head as well. It is pretty scary.

Do you ever watch her with her PT (unknown by her)? It would be interesting to know if she is making progress and what they think are reasonable goals for her. This is a rehab stay? If so, she has to make some progress or they won't be able to keep her very long.

I think you will have to break down and hire a professional cleaning crew for her house...one with haz-mat experience. Even then, it will take a while to smell right, but it should at least be safe to enter and work in. I hope her docs have been informed of her compulsive animal hoarding behavior. If not, the information may help them to adjust her meds and may lead them to look more closely at the possibility of parisites (often over looked in te industrial nations).

Anyway, welcome again. Vent away. Life does change dramatically when you suddenly become a care giver for a loved one. We will share our tricks and experience and you will have a place to share yours.