Tips from CARP (CARP is the Canadian Association of Retired People)



Q: Where can men over the age of 60 find younger, sexy women who are interested in them?
A: Try a bookstore-------under fiction.


Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?
A: Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you are done you will have a place to live.


Q: Someone has told me that menopause is mentioned in the Bible. Is that true? Where can it be found?
A: Yes. Matthew 14:92: 'And Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Egypt.'


Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your 60+ year old husband?
A: Tell him you're pregnant.


Q: Seriously! What can I do for these crow's feet and all those wrinkles on my face?
A: Go braless. It will usually pull them out.


Q: Why should 60+ year old people use valet parking?
A: Valets don't forget where they park your car.


Q: Is it common for 60+ year olds to have problems with short term memory storage?
A: Storing memory is not a problem, retrieving it is a problem.


Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly?
A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon.


Q: Where should 60+ year olds look for eye glasses?
A: On their foreheads.


Q: What is the most common remark made by 60+ year olds when they enter antique stores?
A: 'Gosh, I remember these.'

Ooooooh - that last question?
I'm under 60 but over 50, and I never know whether to be amused or depressed when I get into one of those markets and remember most of the stuff I see!