Women over 50 don't have babies because they

would put them down and forget where they left them.





One of life's mysteries is how a 1kg box of

chocolates can make a woman gain 3kgs.





My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves

completely.





The best way to forget your troubles is to wear tight

shoes.





The nice part about living in a small town is that when

you don't know what you are doing, someone else does.





The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because

by then, your body and your fat are really good friends.





Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came

today.





Sometimes I think I understand everything, and then I

regain consciousness.





I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept

rubbing together and setting fire to my knickers.





Every 7 minutes of everyday, someone in an aerobics

class pulls a hamstring.





Amazing! You hang something in your wardrobe for a

while and it shrinks 2 sizes!





Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say

Things like... "You know, sometimes I forget to eat!"

... Now, I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden

name and my keys, but I have never forgotten to eat.

You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat!





A friend of mine confused her Valium with her birth

control pills... she has 14 kids but doesn't really care.





My body is not all that communicative but I heard from

it the other day after I said "Body, how would you like to

go to the six o'clock class of vigorous toning?" Clear as

a bell my body said "Listen b*tch... do it and die."





The trouble with some women is that they get all

excited about nothing and then they marry him.





I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress

Are- eating too much; impulse buying and driving too fast.

Are they kidding? That's my idea of a perfect day!

quote:

A friend of mine confused her Valium with her birth control pills... she has 14 kids but doesn't really care.

Dang!...since I don't take Valium I wonder what my excuse is. ...just kidding, but....

quote:

Clear as a bell my body said "Listen b*tch... do it and die."

Oh MY!!! (laughing so hard I'm choking!) I have heard that voice once or twice, myself!!

THAT IS HYSTERICAL!

I like the one about tight shoes! Sounds like an old wives tale!