I took a little time to read some old posts and new ones, all about taking care of parents, grandparents, spouses, kids and animals, 14 miles in all directions from home base, and was reminded of a discussion I had with my cousin last October. Her dad (my uncle) passed away from cancer. As long as he could, he did everything for my aunt, as she had been declared legally blind. Both daughters have lives of their own (other issues in play), but the one I talk to most often lives nearby and will help when called on to do so. Meanwhile, my grandmother lives with another aunt and uncle. He also has cancer, although I don't think he's in much distress at this point. The aunt needs shoulder surgery and a hip replacement. Three of their daughters live close by and also help out when needed.
Now, the cousin I talk to and her husband run their own rental housing business. We got really silly one night, out of pure desperation I'm sure, and we came up with a plan. John is going to look for a BIG house, and everyone living in state is going to sell their own and move into "the mansion". The family will be all together, there will be no shortage of people to do whatever has to be done, and they will even have their own security force, because one of the girls is a police officer.
Sometimes I think families with homes like Queen Elizabeth's (or the "Kennedy compound") have the right idea - everyone is so close, but have private living quarters.
Anyway, if any of us did this, we'd probably end up in a heap of trouble, because some outsider would probably complain that we're running a business!
But it sure would make life easier in some ways.

quote:

Originally posted by Bobcat:
Merrwid and all, believe it or not there are some links to efforts in this direction, but not so much aimed at the extended family, aimed more at independent livingfor the elderly. A contributor on another site shared these.

http://norcs.com/index.html

http://www.elderberry.org/

http://www.ncbcapitalimpact.org/default.aspx?id=146

http://seniorcohousing.com/

Some of these make for interesting ideas for our own futures if not for our elder now.

Links are interesting, but I wonder if there's anything for a mixed-age model.

BTW, just finished a class on American History of the Family and there's TONS of precedent for this. As a matter of fact it's the "traditional" family that's the abnormality. It was largely an invention of the 1950's. During WWII there was a housing shortage, during the Depression obviously people lived together, and ALL the years prior to that it was common to take in boarders, live-in help was once common even among the middle class, prior to the industrial revolution apprentices (at a young age!) lived with their masters, and the genesis of building codes was in the overcrowded sub-sub-let apartments of the late 1800's immigration wave.

My best friend was living in CA in a nuclear family with 4 kids when her husband had a stroke (in his 30's). Her dad told her to move with him back to WA. So she moved into the 3bed double-wide on his property he had been renting out. He lived in a single wide on the property, and a step-brother also lives in a smaller trailer on the same property.

Two of her four (the oldest from previous marriage) moved out. Her middle son lived with his father on the east coast. She finds out that they are about to become homeless, so she invited... not just her 17yo son, but his father (her ex) his new wife, and their 2yo to move into their 3 bed home.

They just bought a trailer so they're finally out of the one house, but still on the same property and sharing childcare.

On top of that, she frequently watches my kids for free, and I'll drive her kids places and we coordinate drop-off and pick-up for the seven collective children with her work and volunteer work and my school. I wouldn't be graduating college this year without her.

She's also (on-again off-again) Morman so we both get a big giggle out of it when she introduces me to her Morman friends as "the other wife".

When my dad got sick and we moved back home we had two generations under one roof. Doug and I had the downstairs but we shared the upstairs kitchen and shower with my parents. Danny was lucky enough to have three genererations in his life. My parents, Doug and me and him. He was not spoiled but knew he was loved. Of course I was the one who lusted over a house of my own to decorate and all. Now it's just the two of us and I really do miss the crazy days with everybody there.

Hey , it's what they did during the depression and might be doing again soon. Where are all the foreclosees going?
The 1906 house we are in is actually three, with two upstairs apartments. We have torn out two little kitchens up there.
The first couple of years here we had four generations and 8-10 people living in this one house. It's only the size of an average McMansion though, 3800 sq ft. A real mansion would have 6 bathrooms and 10 bedrooms with 10sq ft I guess.
There are far too few people living in far too many houses, say the greenies, the biggest drain on the environment of all.
Sandi

Merrwid and all, believe it or not there are some links to efforts in this direction, but not so much aimed at the extended family, aimed more at independent livingfor the elderly. A contributor on another site shared these.

http://norcs.com/index.html

http://www.elderberry.org/

http://www.ncbcapitalimpact.org/default.aspx?id=146

http://seniorcohousing.com/

Some of these make for interesting ideas for our own futures if not for our elder now.

I read all of the problems many are dealing with.You want to hear something stupid.I misssall the challenges that each day would bring.Today would have been my day to bath hubby as we had no aides on the weekend.All the little things that were required, I miss.

Everyone, have a good day.My friends are taking me to lunch.Hope we do not get washed down the river with the rains

Torp, you are so right.My grandparents were not ones to medle.The only time I ever heard my grand mother voice her opinion is when people would holler and not talk a little quiet.I can hear her saying you set do not know how to talk.
I think, for me, living with others gave me more good then bad.Although my cousin and I never got along.But we were so young.
I recall my uncle had his room on the 3rd fllor.When he came home on leave he would sleep in.One morning I went up and told him mom said it was time to get up, not so.
I was 5 years old when we left that rental property but I remember every room and the furnishings.
But I cannot recall the cellar.Hmmm
Also, my grandmother never said a cuss word.One day she was standing behind me, not knowledge to me, I said dam.Well her hand came around and caught me in the mouth.Not hard but enough to make a hefty statement.

Little grandmother spent the first fifteen years of her marriage living with her in-laws on the family farm. This was during the depression. The quote about everybody being a little crazy was one she gave us (i.e., my mom and me) while mom was reminiscing about how wonderful it was growing up on the farm with her grandparents, cousins, etc. She remembers the days fondly; grandmother didn't. She remarked on how difficult it was, for example, to be a thirty year old married woman with children and still have her MIL dictating bedtime for her and meddling in her decisions relating to raising her children. She was happy when they sold the farm and she was able to live in her own home. Mother remarked, thinking back, that her grandmother WAS a very "strong woman."

There's an old expression that says, "needs must." During the depression or at other times of hardship, you do what you need to do and it goes better if you don't spend too much time wallering in self pity about it. But that doesn't necessarily make it optimal or even desirable if there are other options available.

I can see there are times when living with others would not be good.I have a few in my family that would want to micro manage me like I was not able to make my own decisions.
Even certain members of a family cannot live under the same roof.
I know some would try to micromanage me.Like I have not lived life and not survived.
I was very young when we all lived together but recall the team work that was in the home.
No one tried to control my grandparents in their home.
Today, it depends on the ages and the self discipline the adults project.

My husbands family lived in a 13 room house.The rooms were always filled as my inlaws always had their door open to allow others, family, friends, to stay while saving to be able to get a place of their own.
Speaking for my self, I am so set in my way of doing things.I would have to weigh all the pros and cons.
During the depression people lived together to survive.People had differnt ideas about togetherness.They worked together and not against one another.Respect of my grandparents and what they were able to do made the difference.
When my grandparents and family lived on a farm they always had food to share with those with less.My mother always talked about the people that were invited to come for dinner.
The girls especially, worked with my grandparents and not against them.
I look back and see they had so little material things but had so much more.
I still think respect has to be present for families to live under the same roof.Everyone pull their weight.
TOO many are not prepared to be flexable with their way of living and ideas.
I suggest that all those who purchased these expensive houses. not homes, are going to change their views on many things.When they want to come back to mom and pops house, remeber it is through their generosity they have a roof over their heads.

I can see this working if you and your family our wealthy (like HRH ER). That’s probably why they do it because they can afford more than one home to get away from each other. I do know that you have to do that Tennant in Common and it can lead to a nightmare if not properly. For those of us with poorer or less desirable relations, there are alternatives to the extended family such as common villages, Eco-Villages, Co-Housing and Intentional Communities. Believe me, some of these are not your typical (Hippie Commune). Some cost big bucks to buy into and while you can choose to share your home or not, you are required to pitch in for the community. I would be interested to see how caregivers are supported in these communities.

Sounds a little strange but I actually miss all the noise a big family makes crowded in a house, when all my family gathered in the past it was comforting to me to be right in the middle of it.
Personally I think thats a terrific idea if you could get everyone on board.

As a young person , I lived in a good size house with my mother, grandmother, grandfather aunt , uncle and daughter.
Then we moved to a nother house and 3 families lived together.One is was for economic reasons.Another, no of us kids came home to an empty house.Everyone worked to gether and made things easier.
We had one bathroom and no one wet their pants or was late for anything.Each did have their own room to go to be alone.But people loved to have one anothers company.My grandmother would sit at the dining room table making braided rugs.We would all watch TV together, when we finally got tv.We all ate together and shared stories.In the summer we all sate out side with the other neighbors.
I think we put too much empasis on a child having their own room, ten bathrooms in a house.Everyone goes to their rooms and no one communicates so no one really knows what the other feels about anything
I agree , those who pull together have a better look out on life.Too many are, me, me, me.They are the very ones who purchased this gigantic homes, no down payment and are no loosing them.EACH OF MY KIDS STAYED HOME TO SAVE MONEY TO GET MARRIEDI miss all the fun we had around the dinner table, even with the grandchildren present as I baby sayt them.I would have 7 for dinner every evening.Easier to cook for then one or two.In my entire live we always sat down , as a family, for dinner.If you were not there you payed the price, no food left.

The movement away from extended family units to the nuclear family has been a dismal sociological failure. Families SHOULD stick together because there is strength in numbers. We all pay for separate everything, when we COULD be pooling certain resources to keep ALL of us better. It used to be understood that you didn't go against family and that you pulled for family. Now it's different - it's I, me, mine. And we wonder why we can't pull together as a society... It starts at HOME.

I watched how people fared during and after Katrina. The families who PULLED TOGETHER made out far better than people who didn't have that most valuable resource. Mother Nature had a plan and its worthiness is plain to me.

Yeah, kinfolks can be hard to get along with, but the world is NOT getting any smaller - we MUST learn how to cooperate with one another and once again - it all starts at home.

Depends on whose family it is. Sharing an arrangement with my husband's family sounds literally like hell on earth. For that matter, on the occasions when my adult children were living here for short periods, we enjoyed each other BUT were all glad to get back to our own private places and habits.

My little grandmother always said, "Everybody is a little crazy, so it's best when they have their own houses to be crazy in." She knew a lot about people. LOL