Hi,

I'm Rusty, a 53yo male who's spent the last 9 years as the sole caregiver for my now 90yo mother. It's been every day, without one day off, for the last 6 years. We're alone here. I have one friend, but, honestly, I sometimes have to pay her to visit with us.

My mom has vascular dementia. She's had it years before I began taking care of her. The condition gets worse as the months pass. She's had little to no control over her bodily functions, but sometimes is able to walk, with a walker, as long as I hold her up. We use a gate belt around her middle.

My mom is recovering after 12 weeks of a UTI - a resistant strain apparently. And of course, we've been dealing with a common side-effect of prolonged rounds of antibiotics, which I won't detail here.

After doing this... this long, I feel as though I might collapse throughout times of the day. I'm sorry to talk so much about myself, but I have only been able to leave home for at most 2 hours at a time... almost always to run errands.

Even when she's in the hospital, or nursing home, I visit her 3 times per day. When she's in the nursing home, and doing a bit better, I can take her for a drive which she loves.

I just needed to start with this post. I enjoy humor, and making people smile. I'm sorry I can't do that at this moment. Recently, everything runs together. I can't tell one day from another.

Thank you all for the kind words.

The last few days I've been taking it easy.

The mom is doing better, so I've trying to do just what I feel up to doing.

She had been having "intestinal mishaps" up until days ago, due to all the antibiotics. Now she hasn't gone in days. So.. like an idiot... I've been adding Metamucil to her morning orange juice. :-) This just means things are settling down a bit, and we're back to "normal".

The family is coming by Tuesday for her 91st b-day party. I'm gonna set up chairs in the building's main hallway on this floor to accommodate everyone. I'm too tired to speak to them. I might just sneak back into the condo, and stretch out on the sofa. ;-)

Welcome, Rusty! So glad you found your way here! The issues of caregivers are quite unique and because of the isolation we all experience, it's good to have folks with whom to talk who "talk the talk and walk the walk." My own mom was bedridden with vascular dementia for 6 of the 8 years she lived with me, so believe me when I say there are folks here who know EXACTLY what you are going through!

As you read here, you will read the phrase "care for the caregiver" over and over again. Our duties are so heavy that we frequently neglect ourselves and that's not acceptable. You must take some time to pay attention to yourself and your own health issues and needs! Does your mom qualify for home health visits? If she does, the doc can order this and medicare/medicaid will pay for the visits. Frequently a bathing aide can be arranged. It isn't much help, but it something and every little bit counts! Do you have siblings or other relatives who could sit while you get away for a few hours?

MANY blessings to you for all that you are doing in her service! Looking forward to getting to know you and her!

Welcome!
So glad you found your way here.
You will find the best people around here.
I know I did! And just knowing that might ease your mind (I hope).

My friend, do NOT apologize for posting here about yourself. For many, if not most of us this is the ONLY place where it can be about us : what we are feeling and experiencing.

Caregiving is a hard freaking row to hoe.

Rusty welcome the heck in!
You sound ALOT like most of us here...trust me your not alone in ANYTHING you've written here today.
This sounds much like my story unfortunately my MIL got to a point it was no longer safe for her with just me caring for her by myself..yeah I know MIL which means theres a child of hers Im married to
Yes I did say caring for all by myself and the few breaks I did get were consumed by....yup you guessed it....HER.
She is now residing in a Board and care facility due to wandering tendencies and of course no drug protocol will knock her out for any length of time and keeping her safe was not only costing us financially but it was also costing me my health and well being.
I forgot I did this for over 10 years....Psychosis with a side order of AD
So there you have it, one story and I know others will follow suit
You are not alone hun so kick up your feet and breath, your in good company and we got some really wicked senses of humor here too when you can stand it