This is my ex-husband's aunt, we divorced 30y ago. She moved into my town last fall, into a local retirement home. She has no children, her husband has been gone for 25y now. She has always been difficult, alienating her entire family.

So she called me and asked for my help, and I could not refuse. She is 85y, legally blind, uses a walker, has heart trouble, diabetes and high blood pressure. I have been driving her around to drs appointments & tests, after helping her find a family dr here, and to run her errands. I am trying so hard to be a good person, but somedays she just drives me crazy!

She constantly complains that I am taking away her independance, usally when I am doing something she asked me to do - then calls me crying because she wants me to run right over to put the batteries in her blood pressure cuff. I asked her if the nurses could help her, but she says they won't help her, because she handles her own meds. I have talked with them, and they are very pleasant and helpful.

She complains they won't give her bananas after her meal, like they did everyone else, then in the next breath tells me they offered them to her. The nurses change the notes she makes to herself. The girl checking out her purchases must have stolen her money. The lady at the bank lied to her. Her paranoia goes on and on.

I am thinking it is Aleizhemiers? I don't know, I have no experience with this, and she has always been difficult as I said. I haven't seen her before this for years, we were never close.

My family asks why I bother to help her, somedays when she upsets me so much, I wonder myself? But I just can't imagine being old, alone, sick and blind! It just seems to be the decent thing to do.

I have told her I will give her one day a week - for anything she needs. But she wants me to be there all the time, and gets angry at me that I won't. So then I feel guilty!

I have a family to care for, a job and I care for my grandchildren after school. I have a busy life, and am not that well myself. Physically, emotionally, I cannot give her more than this. Am I wrong? Should I do more?

Katrinka, you sound as though you are doing everything on target.You will do fine.Trust in your self and your ability to make the decisions necessary for all concerned.

Thanks for the welcome!

This is what I have been trying to do. There is no point saying that she is wrong, it only upsets her. So I just listen to her stories, I think that is all she really wants. When she comes up with unreasonable reasons for me to come running, I just commiserize with her, but I try hard not to give in out of guilt.

If she really needed me I would come, like when her BP got out of control and the nurses said she had to go to the dr. I went right away and took her to a walk-in clinic. But I know she is lonely, it's understandable.

She has made friends there that she tells me about, and they have activities most of the time. I also got her a copy of the local Seniors activities groups, who have something going on everyday, as well as a hot meal, and even will come pick her up for just $5.00/day. She seems interested, but keeps trying to convince me to go with her.

She is not a shy person, in fact she is very out-going, so it's not that. She wants me to come spend the day with her, so I can enjoy the activities with her. I just don't have that kind of time, nor really the interest.

I try to make our weekly outings fun, not just appts. I take her shopping, or anywhere she wants to go, we stop for a meal, we laugh and talk about taking a holiday together. We won't, she is not well enough, but it's fun for her to think about.

I don't think she will trust anyone else to be a caregiver. She has offered to pay me to become one for her, but honestly she doesn't even have enough money to last too many years in this home. I cannot, with good heart, take money from her. Nor can I give up my own job or caring for my family & grandchildren to be with her all the time - paid or not.

I have taken her to a good dr, who is ordering tons of tests to access her health - so far she is doing very well considering. Probably her worst problem is her sadness of having to give up her independance and move into a home, where she is lonely and not feeling well most of the time. Plus, she is saying constantly that she does not want to continue to live, so I know she is depressed by it all.

Katrinka, welcome to our forum.If you suspect dementia , have her evaluated by a good gheriatric doctor.
Next, never do any thing because you feel guilty.That takes away the real reson for you being so caring about her well being.
Humor her when she calls and makes demands that are unreasonable.You say she has always been difficult.Remember this when she is giving you a difficult time.Too late for her to change so you change the way you respond.
Have a list of things she deems important.When the nurse , etc comes, have them check off the things they did or the things they gave her.
That will assist you in knowing what is fact from fiction.
She also maybe a little lonely and that is whay she calls to make the demand.The only way she knows to get you there.
Is there any way you can get a companion for her through an agency in her area?Somone who is experienced
Before I came to any conclusions about her behavior I would have her get a complete physical.
NEVER FEEL YOU HAVE TO EXPLAIN TO OTHERS WHY YOU ARE WANTING THIS LADY TO BE SAFE AND SOUND.THE CHOICE IS YOURS TO MAKE WITHOUT ANY ONE SECOND GUESSING YOU