I haven't been around lately...been lurking and praying for everyone, especially Bren. But...I have a new problem. Mom has been doing "ok"..somedays not too bad and somedays not too good. She had one of those not too good yesterday and in the evening again didn't know who my hubby was. She tried her best to get me to sleep in the other room because "that man" is spending the night. At some points he became that "%$@&*" man. Anyway...got her in bed and thoought all was well. This morning I went in the room across the hall from her (computer room/spare bedroom) and found all the pillows off the futon and 2 sets of sheets in there. She didn't remember a thing about going in that room and it appeared that she slept there. The thing that scares me the most now is I didn't hear her do any of this! I am worried now that she may begin wandering, even going out and me not knowing it. I want to put a lock on the top of the door going outside, but she usually is first up in the a.m. and goes outside to get the paper. She was so upset today at thinking that she was did all this during the night and she didn't remember it, I don't have the heart right now to put a new lock on the door and explain to her she can't get the paper in the mornings. Any suggestions? She has been in a "funk" all day and I am sure it is because she on some level realizes that she is "not right" in her words. I am so sad about all this and hubby said it is just another thing we have to deal with.

Glad your getting her in the adult day care place. Even if she's not happy about it.

Mom absolutely refused to go to one. I'd found one a lot cheaper than the sitters we used. I didn't stand my grounds on it. I chickened out, and buckled, told her it was her money not mine paying for sitters.

Good for you, and glad you got the bells for the front door. Smart thinking.

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We were good at it when we were teens, right?


Seems I was much better at it in my teens, LOL. Maybe I was fooling myself all along.

I thought I was really good at it then...but I am sure I wasn't as good as I thought. Maybe it is coming in handy now though as it seems I tell quite a few little lies.

She has had a couple of "ok" days, although she is angry with me because I am continuing to take her to the adult day care place 2x a week for 5 hrs/each. She thinks I am "getting rid of her", "going to have fun without her", all that, but she is still going, which helps BIG TIME!

I found a little rope with bells on it and put it on the front door, which is almost right outside of my bedroom, so when it opens I can hear it. She asked about it and I told her someone gave it to me and I thought it was pretty, and she never asked anymore about it, so, so far, it is good.

P.S....I sure wouldn't want to be a teeanger again though!!! *S*

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We were good at it when we were teens, right?

Seems I was much better at it in my teens, LOL. Maybe I was fooling myself all along.

I know you are very concerned and really hate to take away a 'chore' where she feels useful. and it is likely that for some time she will forget that you added locks, likely she will think the door is jammed many times, but the only choice is a tracking device (that is an after the fact solution, better if you lock her in than find her after she is lost) or an alarm on her bed room door that sounds in your room.

There are all kinds of stories to explain about new locks. Tell her you don't feel safe with the old ones, or kids have key's etc. Don't feel its a lie. Your looking out for Mom's best interest, and for her safety alone hon. NEVER feel bad about taking the best of care of your Mother, never.

I know at one point with my own Mom, I took the keys out of the deadbolt at night for a while. I slept with one around my neck so we could get out if we "had" to.

She actually came to me and told me she was afraid of what she'd do in the middle of the night while I slept, as she knew she just "wasn't right". I told her no problem, as I calmly told her what I could do to make sure she didn't think she could drive off, or worse yet, walk off and get lost. Deep inside, it tore me up to do that, but she'll never know. At least I knew when I went to bed, she couldn't get out of the door, and my windows have burgular bars on them.

One of those times, we later (not much later) found out she had a type of pneumomia. Another time one of her levels was off. It doesn't take much to make their minds out of balance. Too low soduim, or too high something else, can make them "not right" very easily.

There are also some sort of trackers I have heard about you put on them. Get her one, and tell it its a late Mothers day present. If it goes on her arm, tell her its a bracelet. If it goes on her ankle, tell her its an anklet. If she feels you bought it with all your heart as a bracelet or anklet, 10 to 1, she'll wear it no matter how ugly it is, cause she won't want to hurt your feelings!

Sometimes we have to outsmart them to take care of them. We were good at it when we were teens, right? Why not now, when they really need us to take care of them, without hurting their pride.

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The thing that scares me the most now is I didn't hear her do any of this! I am worried now that she may begin wandering, even going out and me not knowing it.

There are many things you can do to help you monitor your mom when you're out of the room. A baby monitor; a nanny cam; some bells on the outside of her door or doorknob, etc. If your bedroom is far away, you NEED to use something to help you hear what's going on in the night.

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I don't have the heart right now to put a new lock on the door and explain to her she can't get the paper in the mornings

So put a new lock on the door, tell Mom the wind was blowing in or the door was leaking or something and tell Mom that as soon as you wake up, you'll open the door and she can go get the paper while you make coffee (or whatever). It helps to use keyed deadbolts so Mom can't get out the door when you are asleep. You can make these kinds of modifications hopefully without making her feel "responsible" for being a PITA... Simply tell her that you worry she may fall and you won't hear her.

I tried not to make a big production when Mom's behavior became more bizarre. Perhaps it would help to put a picture of your husband in her room with his name on it (and relationship to you) to help her remember. When I took this kind of approach with Mom, it helped save her pride, helped orient her and made the whole incident slide by easier for all. I just told her that I was there to be her "rememberer" and that we'd work things out. Big hugs and lotsa reassurance go a long way when they become upset at their own strange behaviors. Tell her the next time she decides to "camp out" in the spare room, to come get you 'cause she can't have a good pyjama party without you!!