Mom has no initiative of her own. Partly this is depression from my Dad's passing in March and partly it's Parkinson's. And partly it's just Mom because she's always been eccentric. (And, speaking of eccentric, I'm agoraphobic so taking her out to places is not going to be my forte. I can get her to the doc's and that's at my limits.)

What would people suggest for home activities an person in poor physical and mental shape might enjoy? She's slowly started reading and occasionally watching TV but she's never been much of a TV buff and she finds reading difficult because she can't maintain the concentration.

Our Eldercare Online website has a section on it's front page that includes: 101 things to do with an alz patient, but some might apply to your situation as well. Here is the link:
http://www.ec-online.net/Knowledge/Articles/101things.html
http://www.ec-online.net/Community/Activists/dementiaactivities.htm

I hope this helps you and your mom.

And by the way both Opi and MB, thank you for sharing your personal stories, takes a lot of courage to reveal these things to people who you do not know. Bravo!!! Not one person is perfect on this earth, but we are all trained to hide our weaknesses, maybe it's our animal instinct kicking in!

I am glad you are able to overcome your physical disabilities through an act of will. I am not, alas, and also struggle with other health problems that don't need detailing here.

Honestly, I am very discouraged when people suggest the solution to our problems is for me to change my entire personality and physiology, as well as all we've already changed. Not going to happen.

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No, going out would not be good therapy for us both. I have been a recluse for fifteen years save for the company of my husband and I have been extraordinarily happy that way.

Yep. I am an agorophobic also, but the rest of the world changes and keeps right on changing without my permission.

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Since my Dad died in March, I have been pushed around to my limits and beyond. I've lost my home, I've lost my privacy, I've lost my beloved garden -- I've even lost a decent bathtub and that was my favorite place for waiting out troubles. I am sicker than I have been in a long, long time. I know people mean well but you're not the first one who's said "Oh, this will be good for you." My sister chirped it at me, too, as she waved on the way to go back to her home six hundred miles away.

See? Things change. People die, get sick, go out for ice cream and don't come back... Life does not remain static. I leave my property maybe once a week - sometimes not that much and I am not comfortable out in "the world." I'd be perfectly happy to have everything shipped to me and NEVER leave my home. BUT when time came to evacuate my mother from Hurricane Katrina, and the system totally FAILED her, I had no choice but to get behind the wheel of the car and drive away from my comfort zone to safety. It feels miserable and uncomfortable and I have had PLENTY of panic attacks, all of which I have survived. When I returned to devastation beyond belief (but still had a home, all my pets and wasn't a widow), I had an overwhelming task ahead of me and the depression I have fought every day of my life since I was a child was almost overwhelming... But the work had to be done, someone had to give shelter to stray kids who had nowhere to go and survival had to occur, otherwise there would be no comfort at all - there would have been nothing at all 'cause we'd have been dead. I realize that I HAVE to compromise with my innate desire to be an iconoclast and the demands of life. Sure, I try to manage things in a manner that's more comfortable to me, but at the end of the day when push comes to shove, it's me who is out of step with the world, not the other way around.

So when I said that it would be therapeutic for both of you, I wasn't blowing out my butt. I KNOW a little about it my own self. The world doesn't step to my tune whether I like it or not. I have had to sleep in the hospital for days at a time when Mom had to be in... and do many, many things I would NEVER have chosen to do and gasped and cold-sweated my way through it all. That's life. In between, I'll stay in my comfort zone but I can not allow myself to become non-functional because there can always come a time when my husband cannot "cover" for me and I will have to do what I find most difficult. Sux to be me, but I don't expect anyone to cut me a single bit of slack just because... Good thing, cause no one's going to anyway. My closest friends and family understand some of how I feel and that is comforting to me, but the rest of the world just flat doesn't care nor do I expect or resent it.

No, going out would not be good therapy for us both. I have been a recluse for fifteen years save for the company of my husband and I have been extraordinarily happy that way. Since my Dad died in March, I have been pushed around to my limits and beyond. I've lost my home, I've lost my privacy, I've lost my beloved garden -- I've even lost a decent bathtub and that was my favorite place for waiting out troubles. I am sicker than I have been in a long, long time. I know people mean well but you're not the first one who's said "Oh, this will be good for you." My sister chirped it at me, too, as she waved on the way to go back to her home six hundred miles away.

I think that's where a lot of my resentment comes from, and my husband's, too. Our entire world got turned upside down, and not for the better, just because Mom would not admit she was aging and she actively prevented Dad from moving them to assisted care. And while she acknowledges the frailties of others, she doesn't think for a moment they should in any way interfer with what she wants. When my back went out from tugging her around in bed, she'd ask how I was, then she'd ask me to crawl under her bed to make sure her cat was there, for instance.

It's not fair but then, as we all know, life often isn't. Shrug. I'll live but I have to fight clinical depression every single morning and that's something I haven't struggled with in over a decade.

Sorry to rave but it's a sore subject. Mom was weird yesterday, so probably I'm mainly tired. I do appreciate the activity suggestions. Mom isn't anywhere near the eating pens stage so if she will only try some of these things, we'll all be better off. Fingers crossed.

Opie, sometimes ya have to get 'em started on an activity, then ease away and check back here and there... I thought Mom could sort some of our old photos, but found out that wasn't possible for her... tried some craft kits, which were marginally successful, but she really enjoys coloring. I can't let her color for long without careful supervision anymore, though - she started chewing on the markers, painting eyebrows on her face, etc. so I took them away and gave her colored pencils. She'll chew them up if I leave her with them for too long... If your mom can still use scissors (even the safety kiddie ones), she could cut out photos from magazines and make collages with a glue stick and some posterboard. Some folks like to paint. Don't be afraid to suggest things she never wanted to do before - things change and sometimes stuff you never imagined they would get into turns them on.

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And, speaking of eccentric, I'm agoraphobic so taking her out to places is not going to be my forte

Perhaps getting Mom out a little more, even to sit in the car at a park or river, would be good therapy for you both.

A lot of really good ideas. I know that people live longer and feel better about their lives when they are helping others, so I liked the idea of suggesting to Mom that she could make something for the folks in the nursing home. Whether that be cards or... something. I've suggested she go through her books to choose some to go to the convalescent homes library which was woefully small. She feels overwhelmed by the idea now but didn't completely dismiss it. She may take it up -- she feels overwhelmed by any new idea.

What will probably happen, though, is she'll want me to participate with her when what I'd love is for her to keep herself occupied. We'll see! :-)

eelirak, That is soooo cool. Mom has macular degeneration and severe arthritis. Maybe winding yarn would be good for her too. I love the idea of the textures of yarn. Hadn't thought of that. She used to make "lap rugs" for the local VA hospital residents.

More for Op, One of Mom's CGs bought her a Betta. As her vision faded, I enhanced the situation. I got a 2 1/2 gallon tank ( the minimum size to not over heat with enough light for Mom to see). It has a filter and a light, fake plants and 2 large gold "mystery" snails. Because it is lighted she can see it better and I put a contrasting sheet of construction paper behind it. Dark fish, light paper, light fish , dark paper. Of course we take care of it regardless, but it is supposed to be her job to tell us to remember to feed Nemo.

I wonder if she resists the coloring pages, if she might enjoy the fabric markers to decorate t-shirts for a holiday. Typically, you stretch and tape the shirt over a square of cardboard to avoid bleed through. I think, in fact, that one of my daughters had a type that was like a wax crayon. When the design was finished, you covered it with a sheet and ironed it in to set it.

mae, gramma used to both crochet and knit and as I said, she taught me. I am a yarn addict and cannot go into a craft store without coming out with at least three skeins of yarn. Unfortunately, between the alzheimers and macular degeneration, she can't do these anymore.
But I try and provide her with not only different colors of yarn but different textures so that she gets some variation in what she is feeling as well as seeing. I think this would also help with hand/eye coordination.

Best yet, I am gradually getting my yarn semi organized.

eelirak, my aunt use to love to crochet.I think we bought evey skein of yar within miles.We gave so many people afghans.She was able to do one is such a short time.She also loved puzzles.If the pieces were good size.She would do one a day and that was more then a hundred pieces.She got all the nurses and volunteers hooked on puzzles.I even spent mucho time doind them with her.
Has to be so hard on those who always found something to fill their time and then be limited through no choice of their own.
My daughter tried to teach me to crochet.She said after my bobooos she would have to learn all over again.
She does very nice wotk .More talents then mom.

This may not work for all but has sure helped keep grammas hands busy and away from picking her face. As I am a crocheter and knitter (gramma taught me), I always have TONS of yarn. I have set a basket beside her chair with three or four brightly colored skeins of yarn. I have started to ball up the yarn and left the rest for her to wind. This seems to work fairly well as she thinks of it as helpful work (and it is easier to store balls rather than skeins, takes less space). It took a while to get her to do this voluntarily but she is now starting to reach for the basket. Due to her macular degeneration, it has been really tough to find activities for her.

Thanks for the idea of the mandalas, I had printed up coloring pages for her but she hasn't warmed to the idea yet. With the mandalas I can tell her I'm decorating for some reason (I'll think of one eventually) Maybe she'll take to the mandalas.

myaunt and my husband had the adult volunteers.
My aunt loved it as they did puzzles, played cards and checkers.Along with that they had wonderful conversations.My aunt loved to interact but was not always open to strangers.It was so good for her to be connected with others.
My husband , also , did well.They would chat and he would share stories of the past.
He especially loved the men from the VA.At his worse times he always rememberedn them and lit up like a light bulb when they came.
I would suggest , when possible, to give it a try.Nothing to loose and so much to gain.

ANYONE who needs coloring pages with many kinds of pictures, designs, etc. please let me know and I will be happy to email you my HUGE folder of coloring stuff I downloaded for mom. Got mandalas, birds, seasonal stuff, etc.

Op, get on a search engine and look for "free mandalas to color"
It's not kiddie pictures, but can be used to help the "hand/eye coordination".
GOOD FOR YOU for thinking that one up!
Trust me, you'll get better at finding reasons and excuses that your mom will accept.

Op, knowing you aren't alone can make a huge difference.

My lord this site is useful. I think I've read nearly every thread this morning and often cried or thought "That's just like Mom and me." Oddly, that made me feel better.

The home care physical and occupational therapists worked with Mom for quite awhile but kinda gave up at a certain point because they couldn't get through. They were very good people and got her up to basic functions but they couldn't keep coming by just to repeat the same instructions again. They said it was their job to help her meet the goals she wanted to set, but she didn't want to set goals beyond getting out of bed and using the toilet. That still worries her; she often wonders aloud why she can't set goals for herself or find a purpose in life. I believe that is partly the Parkinson's and partly despair from losing Dad.

I think I will try getting her a jigsaw puzzle, and I'll risk hauling out the old photos and asking her to choose and label several dozen for a printed family book we can share with cousins. Mom is the last survivor of her siblings, just as Dad was of his, so she's the only one alive who knows who the people in the very old photos are. I hope she still remembers.

I think she'd initially be insulted by a coloring book but I read a thread here about "therapeutic lying." Maybe if I tell her it's really an exercise to help keep her hand/eye coordination in shape, she won't feel patronized or silly if she likes doing it. And since it really will help with fine motor skills, it's not really much of a lie, either!

Such good people. Sometimes the web really proves its worth. Thank you all very much. :-)

Op, If it is possible to get an occupational therapist to help her, you might be suprised. Try to think back about what her interests and activities may ever have been. Did she try to participate in charities? Mom always did and a simple activity for her has been to select pictures in old magazines she likes. Then I cut them out. She puts them on an index card with a glue stick. With a non toxic magic marker, we add a little greeting. "Thinking of You" "Have a nice Day" "Happy Holiday" On the flip side we put a "stamp" (an Easter Seal or such). Leave a space for a name and a room number. When we have a stack, we give them to the CG who does private duty at a Nursing Home. Then her client puts a name and room number on them, gets in her wheel chair and plays Mail Woman. (This was suggested here a while back)

This one maynot be of interest to you and your Mom, but there are many quick easy types of things that are not insulting. There is nothing wrong with Large piece jigsaws or coloring with non toxic markers, if they are able. Anything will require you to look in often, but some may work to entertain her for a while, and let you breathe..

Don't be too surprised if Mom really enjoys looking at the old pictures.
She might not remember what she had for breakfast, or that she finished it only 20 minutes ago, but it might take her only about 32 seconds to come up with the name of the cute little girl in the second row on the left of her 7th grade picture, because that was her best friend. Even if they haven't seen each other since 8th grade graduation.