Hi All...writing from the Chicagoland area looking for some support/advice. Kind of a long story but I'll try to bundle emotions and facts in a short paragraph.
My dad passed away about a year ago (89 years) and left my mom after 49 years of marriage. My mom hasn't been to a doctor for over 40 years (refuses) since she lost a son to cancer (trust issues)and we belive she is in early alz stage. My mom lives at home alone and is probably the most stubborn person I ever met. I have two sisters and my self who check in on mom regularly to make sure she eats and is taken care of. She "freaks out" when we want to bathe her or even clean her floors. She hasn't ben out of the house for nearly a year (refuses to come over to any of our houses) despite our pleas. She has an episode where she passed out this summer, we found her on the ground, called paramedics, and she told the bas!@#$%'s to get out of here, she's not going anywhere. Some other facts...mom is 83, she smokes, and is in general bad health.

I'm not looking for answers, but perhaps sombody ran into a similar situation who can shed some light.

Thanks for letting me vent.

B

hi bob,

I just wanted to add my two cents. My MIL had symptoms of AD for many years. We just didn't realise that is what was occurring because my FIL covered up for her. Within a 6 mth period he was diagnosed and passed away from colon cancer. He spent the last 3 mths between NH and hospital. My MIL symptoms became severe. It was obvious to all that there was definitely a problem. SIL made an apt. with her family doctor fairly quickly. On the day before we all (both sons and wives) went over and told her that she must go because of her memory problems. (forunatly she was comfortable with her dr) Of coarse Mom fought and denied. But she had no way out of this. She went and was diagnosed with AD. The trauma of losing her husband of 53 yrs kicked her AD into high gear. She has gone into stage 5, at times bouncing into stage 6, since diagnosis 13 months ago.

My thought on getting her to a doctor are get her there any way you can. She must go. I have found that not being totally upfront with Mom has worked for the better. What she doesn't know she can't agonize over! Her mind is very child like in her thought process. As for waiting for a medical crisis if you can avoid this please try but sometimes we cannot help what is not in our control. AD is often worse for the family. In the end we must live with any decisions made regardless of who renders it.

I hoped this will help. Every case is different. You have already recieved some very good useful information. Keep posting as I have found these wonderful people here have been a true blessing for me!

i can surely identify! my mil has lived in denial her entire life. now she is late stage ad and dying. from the beginning she stood her ground nothing was wrong with her like us "people" thot! on the last day of my caregiving experience, she fell back into the bathtub, and while we were waiting for the ambulance i told her i should've helped her, (she would'nt let me) she told me she did'nt need any help from anyone and that she was perfectly capable of taking care of herself!! this is a hard thing to deal with.

My mother, having cared for my grand mother always stated she hopedshe never got like mom.She began forgetting minor things and the dr thought it was just age.She gradually forgot how to count money but attributed it to the change of the bills.She also had some compulsive behavior.She went from mild to extreme after her last brother died.We havenever said AD.She calls them black outs and when se asks me why she has this I tell her i may be a chemical imbalance and that is why she is taking the med.She would never understand AD.She gets up set enough so I allow her to believe she has black outs.

BOB: My momma was also very independent and a widow of some years.

She was very afraid of the "A" word. Her friend's husband had had AD. I used that fear to get her to see the Dr. I told her that people had noticed that she had a problem and that everyone would think that she had Alzheimer's if she didn't see the Dr to find out what the real problem was. I also told her that the Dr. might be able to do some tests and find a medicine that would help her so everyone would know that she didn't have Alzheimers, that maybe it was just her Thyroid that was the problem.

Don't know if this will help you or not but it is how I handled the situation. Also the Dr. told her she had mini-strokes and that things would get worse. She understood about strokes so was able to accept that and she could tell people that she didn't have AD. I let her focus on that fact, knowing that the AD would get worse but she didn't have to face it head on. By the time it got to be very definitely AD, she had progressed to the point that she didn't understand anyway.

PATS

Dear Bob:
You are probably right your mother is probably in the early stade of Alzheimer's Disease. From your description of her actions you are probably not going to do what you ought to be doing. You should be getting her to the neurologist for a careful evaluation so that she can be made aware just what is happening to her. She must have some understanding as to just what is happening to her and what the future holds. She most develop a love/trust relationship for others to do for her what she increasingly will not be able to do for herself. If you could get her to understand that you might be able to help her. You must not argue with her. Find a way to make her feel loved and still important. Let her know that she is not to be blamed for any of this. It is Alzheimer's that is to be blamed and you will need to learn how to cope with that monster. Learn all you can about the disease.
Keep faith and God bless.
Franklin http://hometown.aol.com/fkcassel4221914/myhomepage/index.html

Hi Bob,
Welcome to the Forum. My Mom was like that to a point. She never wanted to go to the Dr. because she was afraid at her age they would find something wrong. They did. At age 83 she diagnosed with Alzheimer's.

Getting her to the Dr. was a constant battle. I had been her 24/7 caregiver for 3 years at that point. The only thing that worked for me were threats. I told her I could not continue to care for unless she went to the Dr.

It finally worked. Under great protest.

You are doing the right thing by attempting to get her to the Dr. There are now some Dr.'s that do house calls. The other option is to call Adult Protective Services. As EA said it's not pleasant but it's better than waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Unless she has been declared incompetent she has the right to refuse medical care.

Post again and let us know what you decided to do.

Vicki

Hi, Bob. Welcome to the Forum. My husband is also in the early stages. He went through a stubborn streak early on, but has mellowed out a lot in the last year. What I did was to tell him that he was helping me by doing such and such, that I would feel better if we knew such and such, etc. (It was the truth - it did help me as much as it helped him!) He is of the personality that would do for other people what he refused to do for himself. Mothers are sometimes like that too.

Others will probably be along before too long with other ideas and suggestions, who have had more experience than I have. Hang in there, Bob.

BJ

Hi Bob!!

I was born in Chicago ,,,,, ummmmm ....... a few years ago! Any way most all of us can relate to where you are now. I know my father also refused to go to Drs., unless he was in pain. He said all Drs. were idiots! Now my dad was a man that was educated and valued education and knowledge, however with Drs. and Lawyers he had a very narrow minded opinion. He does love nurses though and regularly proposes to them.

You may have to do one of two things, wait for the next emergency or hasten the next emergency call Adult Protective Services and get legal guardianship over your Mom. Trust me it is not fun but it is sometimes better than waiting and wondering if and what is going to happen to her and if she will survive it.