Does anyone have any ideas on how to prevent grandma from feeling like she's being held prisoner. I have all the doors to the outside locked to prevent her from going outside by herself. Last week I was babysitting a two year old so had a good excuse that worked. But yesterday, while I was in the bathroom, she attempted to get out of the house and got very agitated that she had been locked in. I did tell her the "little white lie" to calm her. Told her a neighbor had had a prowler during the day. Even showed her how to unlock the door (which she immediately forgot) but I know this won't last forever and we'll be back to it. Any thoughts???

One thing I had to learn was not be afraid to ask when I was not sure how to do something to make my life and a loveds life less stressful.
My asking got me so much good advice.Much came from this forum and those who were assigned to loved one care

when I was helping one come up and down the steps I would joke with them to try to take their mind away from the fear I knew they were experienceing.
I could imagine my self being flattened by one of them falling on top of me.
I always and continue to try to find the lighter side of a situation.Mainly for the afflicted

Bobcat, that is exactly what I am talking about.My friend had one she uses for her elder dog because he has severe hip problems, part of the breed, and it helps her to get his hind legs in position and use his front legs to be mobile.
Sadly we cannot have our entire home full proof.Heck, the hospital my loved ones were in had no lifts.Could not believe it.Made the task of moving more difficult the needed.Took four to do the job of one, if they had a lift.
We all fret at the sound of someone falling.When I heard the slightest sound out of the norm I would run up or down the steps in fear.My heart would feel like it was coming out of my body.I never knew I was capable of moving so fast.The relief when you find it was nothing is more then words can describe.

mae, that sounds like the gait belt we use when Mom is on the move now. One of her CGs actually gave it to her when she went through a spell of being unstable close to a year ago. We would use it on her weaker days then but since Easter, we use it all the time. She even asks for it now and feels insecure without it (Thank you for a little favor).

Like you, I don't pull with it, but I can actually feel a hesitation or wobble through the contact I have with her through it and can stabalize her with out grabbing her or her clothes and risking harm to either of us.

Fortunately we have lifts on the stairs that were put in place for Daddy years ago. Without them she would be truely stuck there and that would not work at all. It is a nightmare house for an elder.

when my hubby would go up and down the steps I would satnd in back of him when he was going up and hold his pants belt.He held on to the railing with both hands.When coming down I was always in front of him .Always in a position that could break a fall and try to prevent my self from being smushed.I also had a special strap , from the VA that helped with this.You would place this strap around their waist and hold onto it without tugging at their clothes.The physical therapist even used it.

BC, that step outside your door reminds me of a summer afternoon a couple of years back. Don and I had driven a couple of hours to get to his nephew's house, as his mother (Don's 'baby' sister) was also going to be there, and she was living just a little too far away for that trip.
Anyway, their house has 3 steps from the back door to the back yard. One or the other of the 2 old folks was forever wanting to get back in the house or get out into the yard. After about the 5th assistance, our nephew Ken said, "I think I've got this about figured out.
When Mom wants to go up the stairs, we need to go up first and pull her up. When Uncle Don goes up, we stand behind him and push!"
Now you all, don't get up in arms - Barbara had a tendency to fall forward and Don backward, and there were always 2 of us, one up and one down the stairs. Standing along side of them just never worked, support wise!

My Mom can barely walk for the essentials anymore. She has been so slow for a long time that if she had been inclined to wander it would have taken 15 minutes just to get to the door. At the moment she wants some one to have hold of her gait belt before she rises from bed or chair. It is a blessing that she knows her limitations, but it is hard to see her struggle so much to be brave.

I won't say that I would rather have it different, and have to chase her around, believe me that would be another set of troubles. There was a brief period of time when she thought we were being silly to ask her to call us if she wanted to get up and to wait for us to come. (I say us, because someone is always there but not always me, it is a team effort). To get her out on the porch now requires two people because there is a step (Some one needs to be on the down side and someone on the up side) and a lot of effort on her part.

Being "out" now is mostly a matter of opening the windows early in the morning before it gets too hot so she can hear the birds. If there is anywhere she needs to go, I try to make it count and ride her around the old neighborhood, or where I have seen someone do a really nice garden job. I fear that one day she will "forget" that she needs help and just get up like she used to. But that would be a signal moment anyway.

secondchild raises some good points from experience. The Mind is willing but the body? hmmm. For many of us, the body is willing, but the mind is a hostage. I don't think I'll trade for now, I'm used to this scenario. You do what you can, and what you have to. Hang in there.

eelirak, I had the same problem with my mother.Because they are unable to understand they will not be able to accept what we tell them.When I was able I would take my mother for a walk.It never changed her stste of mind but being out side was good for her.I would take her, my husband and aunt out5 side and sit with them.They need the change.I would put my self in their shoes and how it would feel to be in the house all the time.
I made sure we sat where they could see the kids, hear the birds and watch other people.
The lady I care for now is so much better when she knows we are going to do something out side the home.
Can we imagine doing and seeing the same thing day after day.

I would be careful about taking some for walks. My dad was walking about 6 miles a day before we moved in with him. He was not even aware of the heat and doesn't sweat like he should. Now that he is on all these meds he doesn't excercise as much but still wants to. He wanted to walk the other day so I leashed up the dog and went with him.
He got about 6 blocks and was getting very unsteady so I called the police to assist me in convincing him to turn around and go back. I told him I did it and said we can wait for the police or you can turn back on your own. He turned around just as the police showed up, so I waved them on, however, he couldn't make it back.
I had to force him out of the street and onto a neighbors car bumper to sit down. He almost collapsed in the street. It was about 90 degrees. Not usually a problem for him until now.
The neighbor was home and lent him a chair and gave him ice water. I ran the next few yards and got my car to get him home.
It won't happen again. If he wants to walk or gets agitated I put him in the car and drive him to a park. He does better there.
He is only walking around here to figure out how to get out of the neighborhood. Be careful. They don't feel the pain like they used to.

Thanks everyone!!
We try to take daily walks at least twice a day (Washington weather permitting) although frequently this makes her more likely to want to take a walk again later.
I have been trying to locate some sort of tracking device that we could put on her. Preferably something we could attach to her shoe? I haven't really seen anything that seems appropriate,except those available outside the US, mostly cell phones with GPS. Does anyone know the brand name of a decent one?
Since she was in assisted living prior to coming to be with us, all of her clothes are marked with her name I really need to put our phone number in them too.
I am going to order her one of the medalert safe return bracelets and hope we can get her to wear it. If its anything like the ID bracelets we had when I was a kid, she shouldn't be able to get it off.
Thanks again!!

I know in the county next to ours, they have a "tracking device" like one thats in a cell phone you can put on your Mom. I hope thats one of the ones you were talking about.

Only advice I have. I'd go with the "crime in the neighborhood" as long as you can milk that one.

When people are "antsy," it's sometimes best (if inconvenient...)to let them walk to burn up their frenetic energy. I know you are busy, but do you have a neighbor or relative who could come take her for a walk daily? My son's MIL is like this and attended a great adult day care where there were people to walk her and keep her busy. By the time she got home, she was tired. Weekends were hell because she was not on the same schedule and didn't have a chance to work off the "ants in her pants"...

BTW, since Gramma loves to walk, does she have a bracelet, necklace, tag in clothing, tattoo - SOMETHING to help identify her in case she slips out and becomes lost? There are relatively inexpensive tracking devices available also...

I had the same problem with my mother.She got so angry when she saw me put the lock high on the door.She was so determined, the minute my back was turned she found a way to get out.I mean she moved fast even with the walker.
The only thing that stopped the behavior was the psycholotist put her on Geodon which does not work for all.Changed her like day and night.She just wanted to go home to see her mother and children.I lied a few times which only worked for a very short time.The meds changed the way she viewed things.
Mind over matter takes over when they are determined.