Moms Buddy, wow, what a beautiful person you are.You have shared such inspirational thoughts with us.You have taken the high road with the many things you are facing.I so wish someone would come along and take the posts and use them for a book.I think the story could not be told any better than it is here.I hope you are one who has kept a journal as your thoughts would serve others , so well

Mornin', Ruby! I can't speak for all caregivers, but I know THIS one gets depressed and overwhelmed at times. I'm not on any meds - I simply use the coping skills that have gotten me through the rest of my life, and I rely on a little help from my friends here and in real life. Many folks sense the unpleasant realities of caregiving and simply do not go there!!! I don't fault the folks who don't understand - that's their business and I am very busy taking care of mine. Sometimes, people are obstructive, which does irritate me and I have learned a LOT about being assertive when dealing with folks who waste my time.

I never consider myself a victim - the stuff I feel goes with the turf. I have learned to be a tough cookie even while standing on shakey knees with tears threatening. I do not resent anyone for not helping - I actually feel a little sorry for them. They have missed the opportunity to see and hear and feel and learn the tail end of life's lessons. Too bad for them. I would not trade places, despite the challenges. I hope that I ALWAYS remember what a kind word or offer means to someone in our shoes and will continue to be sensitive to those in our place even after I am no longer caregiving.

You sound like an amazing person to be able to work and be a caregiver - I do not doubt that you feel overwhelmed!!! I hope that you will remember to keep your spirits buoyed with the wonders of life and know that nothing lasts forever... we all will be out of a job one day and will have the opportunity to make some of our waiting schemes and dreams come true!!

Hang in there!!

Hi Ruby, my Massachusetts friend...I'm here too. I take care of my Mom ...almost entirely 24/7...and still wonder where all of my siblings are (several live within five miles..as your family does). They drop in and out when they choose...often criticize.then leave again.
Yes, we all probably get depressed at times. I don't agree that most are on meds..I'm not..and won't be. This is life.. I walk, I yell, I punch my pillow....lots of releases . They may not work for long...but they do work for a minute, or an hour, or a day. I, too, have put plans on hold. It's frustrating. But, for me, my Mom deserves no less from me....and would do the same if the situation were reversed. But, we are human as caregivers. Don't expect those feelings not to come. Have you considered more outside help coming in? Or a sit down meeting with all of your husband's family? I'm not saying it would work... just a thought. You are a gift to your mother-in-law.....remember that. I wish and pray for you to find the answers you need.

Grammy or Ruby you may want to check out this article as I believe it covers a good deal of what you are feeling. CD

Thank you for your insight Gypsy. I used to be an active participant on this page under the name grammy...(this is what I call my mother in law). Ruby Tuesday is my dogs name --- unconditional love is given to me from this litlle animal on a daily basis. My MIL goes to an elder day care while my husband and I work. They really love her there - she is of good disposition and does not have any anger or rage. Transportation and timing has its daily challenges.

My husband and I have no children and do want them...my bio clock is ticking. At times I feel trapped in the caretaking and that my life and dreams has been put on hold. My husband and I have a good team system worked out in MIL care. We will be adding a handicapped bathroom and another bedroom onto our home to take her in (she lives next door and it is back and forth to and fro - get her up /shower her - get her on/off the bus - have her over for coloring and meals etc - we childproofed her home and do lock her in at night for antiwandering purposes )- besides her care there are two homes and yards to care for.

I did call in sick to work today as well. I have given countless extra hours to my job - weekends and late nights -- playing tag team with my husband on MIL care. I run the finances of a college here in Massachusetts..I also teach a few courses, taxes, economics, accounting etc at two colleges... all "dweeb" courses. I am giving up teaching one course next semester - trying to find some balance in my life.

While my MIL is at daycare and my husband is working me and teh dog will take a nice walk. A day of treating and caring for myself. Baby steps in finding balance.

Looking for happiness in the open doors I thought I slammed shut.

Hi Ruby-welcome to this place. Do you have someone come stay with MIL while you are working? I don't know how you do the working and caregiving. Is your husband a help with his Mom? If not maybe that is why he is not so stressed. I had just retired when my husband had a serious stroke. That was over 7 years ago. At times I became VERY stressed and lost it easily-either tears or angry or both. I found that if I made myself take time to go for a walk, eat properly and take Vitamin B/C I handle most thing much better. The fact we have help 5 days a week including a 4 hr. respite Wed. am and 2 extra hours Mon. pm sure helps.Hope the Dr. has some suggestions. I know many are on antidepressents but so far I haven't had to use them-don't think I am in denial. gotta go get dessert-think Mike is almost finished his dinner. It is taking awhile tonight. I come here so I don't nag him. This is a wonderful place to let off steam, enjoy a joke or ask for suggestions. I find often others have already had to face the problems I might be having and come up with good ideas.
What do you teach at college?Hope you are feeling better after your Dr. appt.
Gypsy

Yes,most all caregivers experience anxiety/depression,it goes with the territory.
Most are on an antidepressant,although,some deny they have problems when in fact they do.