Hi all! I think we are moving into a new stage (substage?) and I could use some advice. Mom has always been meticulous about hygene and appearance. However recently, I have noticed recently that she is wearing the same thing over and over and over (or she changes 7 times in one day). She used to remember to shower probably at least 2 times a week. I just realized today that I don't remember her showering for the last week or two!! Without embarrasing her, any suggestions on reminding her to bath? I thought about suggesting that if she took a shower and washed her hair, I would fix it for her (or take her to visit a friend or out to lunch or whatever) Could this work? I think she is suffering from some depression, too and I mentioned it at her last dr appt. He asked her if she felt depressed and of course she said, "of course not!" so that was the end of that. I thought he would know better since he is wise to her "acting" routines.

I know exactly what you mean. After mom passed away, dad seemed to get a bit scruffy, not filthy, but his shirt would have dinner stains on it, or pants have dirty knees. Now he would wash them eventually, but sometimes I gently reminded him "those pants could use a wash" and he would look down and be surprised to see the stains. He shaved almost every day, electric razor, and kept his moustache trimmed for a long time, but the last 6 months the moustache would be a bit scraggly, and he would need a shave for a day or more. As for the bathing, that I had no control over as he lived alone, but I do not think it was a daily thing for him. Now in the nursing home, one of the things they said he did not like was being given a shower by a female aide. He wanted a male nurse!! I must admit our family was very private about some things, bathing was a biggie. You know even now with his memory so bad, occasionally he will ask me to tell them he wants his hair cut, shaved, and moustache trimmed (the home has a beauty shop that does the hair/beard) and I will remind the nurse. Next time I see him and comment on how good he looks, he doesn't remember getting the hair cut, but at least I know they did what he wanted.

Jeannine

My mother will fight taking a shower until I tae her in the bathroom, it is nice and warm and I make sure there is a relaxing fragrance in the room, like cin.nutmeg and vanilia.I will heat it in the microwave and then place it in the bathroom.Once she gets in and I run the warm water over her body it changes her so completely.As long as she knows I will bath her she is fine.The one ting she has is confidence in my keeping her safe and secure.My aunt I have to basin wash.Fortunately , in my garage I have a wash tub and It makes it easier to change the water.

I do believe you can get special dry shampoo.These people are like children and many times you have to do things they do not realize are in their best interest.In our area we have hair dressers that will come to the house.

Dear mtnyady:
This surely is a common problem and I think there are several things you must remember. She is not to be blamed for what is happening to her or the things she is doing. Accept the change and do not worry if she does not live up to your expectations. You cannot or order an Alzheimer's patient around without agitation and destroying that love/trust relationship wich is so important in the care of these patients. You must keep making them feel loved and important. Get things ready and then invite her with "It is time for your bath" If she does does not want to do it "OK we will do it later." She will respond to your invitation sooner or later. Try to establish a regular time and help her by laying out her clothing one peace at a time. Remembering the 10 Absolutes is the way to develope the love/trust relationship and where she will respond your invitation to do what you feel she should do.
The 10 Absolutes of Caregiving
for Alzheimer’s Patients
__________________________

Never ARGUE, instead, AGREE.
Never REASON, instead, DIVERT.
Never SHAME, instead, DISTRACT.
Never LECTURE, instead, REASSURE.
Never “REMEMBER,” instead, REMINISCE.
Never “I TOLD YOU,” instead, REPEAT.
Never “YOU CAN’T,” instead, “DO WHAT YOU CAN.”
Never COMMAND OR DEMAND, instead ASK OR MODEL.
Never CONDESCEND, instead, ENCOURAGE OR PRAISE.
Never FORCE, instead, REINFORCE

(Jo Huey, Greater New Odlenes Patient and Family Service)

hi
this happened to my mum to - she also had M.I.D. - she used to bath every night then gradually stopped & wouldn't change her clothes - she quickly got very smelly- basically you may find like i did that subterfuge is the only way - can you buy her clothes that look the same - e.g blouses the same colour & then when she goes to bed/ is encouraged into the bath you can whip away the dirty clothes & put out the clean ones & if they look the same then she may not notice the diference? my friend diane said she used to wash & dry her mum's clothes overnight when she went up to stay - that way there were no tantrums next morning. even if you're usually completely honest in your relationahsip with your mum i don't think this counts as dishonesty - just being creative! i think folk with dementia like the familiar as well as just not noticing re. personal hygeine - our community psych nurse said folk w/ dementia have a typically untidy look & i think eventually you just have to accept this - even with clean clothes my mum was never her usual neat self.

Hello Mtnlady: Your description of your mother's change in care of personal appearance struck home with me. My mother, too, was always meticulous about her appearance, had her hair set weekly and has beautiful clothes. Now, she looks like a bag lady....wears the same stained clothing and is physically dirty. In the case of my mother, I don't think she experiences the emotion "embarrassment" anymore as it doesn't seem to phase her. The only thing that's worked for me, is to actually take a shower while I'm there (or at least run the water and make her think I am...) and then tell her "she's next". (she grew up in a one bathroom home with 9 sisters, so I think she reverts to the memory that if you miss your alloted bathroom time, you don't get another chance, so she'll respond to that. Took me awhile to come to that one... She will then go in and while she's in the bathroom, I 'steal' the dirty clothes and lay clean ones in their place. She adamently refuses to go to the hairdresser so we live with the long straight hair for now. If I don't put the dirty clothes right in the washer, she manages to find them and put them back on...Out of sight, out of mind. I don't know what your Mother is diagnosed with, mine has Multi Infarctual Dementia , I just assume that this is part of it...

Short of getting a diagnosis, I have not had much luck with her doctor. Seems pretty oblivious to my concerns. Good luck with things and write again, Susan