I really got shook up today. I got a call from the Women's Clinic informing me that the bone density scan showed osteoporosis and asking me to come in for a consultation. I made the appointment. Dh was there in his chair and when I hung up the phone I explained to dh what was going on. He went balistic. I needed to be careful of that movie, what movie I asked, the one with Tom Cruise that uses volunteers. Dh: They want you to act in it. Me: They don'have my name. Dh: yes they do. Me: how would they get it? Dh: from the clinic. Me: the clinic has privacy restrictions and they couldn't get it. Dh: They still get it from the clinic. When I tried to explain further, he just got mad and we let it drop.

What the h--- is going on? This was a total break from reality, worse than previous episodes. An these kinds of episodes seem to be getting more frequent and more severe. Is it the progression of the dementia? What am I looking at in terms of needing to place him in a nursing home in the future? He is extremely unsteady on his feet, has trouble manipulating silverware and spills a lot of food, shoves an overloaded fork into his mouth. My heart just breaks to see this. I don't want him in a nursing home, but I am 67 with fibromyalgia and now the osteoporosis. My strength and energy are very limited. All my family here (3) work and I can't ask any of them to take time off to help. I do hire cleaning help but sometimes it all just overwhelms me. I cry and pray a lot.

Good for you farmgirl.

I had a suitcase packed with 2 lists of her meds, 2 copies of her dnr,and 2 copies of her living will.

Seems like everytime I had to call 911 for ambulance, they wanted a copy of all of that stuff too. That's why I made 2 copies.

I always kept a list of Mom's medications on my computer. When one would change, I'd go change it on the computer, and print out 2 new copies.

I know all this stuff in a packed suitcase really helped me on like at least 5 occasions!

Thanks for all your kind responses. I am getting my equilibrium back and ducks in a row now.

Moms Buddy, your response and posting from Nov 13 were most helpful. I am starting to put together a "survival kit" with necessities from the travel sizes of soap, toothpaste, etc. Critical documents, DPOA, living will, are in my files, will make copies. Also have a DNR on file with the ambulance copies, and will include that in my kit, also. Will make copies of pertinent cards, insurance, etc. Will be putting critical numbers into my cell phone so I don't have to look them up. I have a laptop computer case that will be just right for all this plus my personal needs you mentioned. But we are fortunate to live about 10 minutes from the hospital, so can run home for a quick shower.

This morning I went to our only nursing home and talked to them about the future. I was assured that his Medicare would take care of it when his doctor says he has to go there. Then Medicaid will pick up. I do know that there may be other expenses, but I think I can handle incidentals okay.

For being a small town (13,000), we have some pretty good resources that I will be checking on. He has had home health care and can tap into that again if needed. I will be calling Senior Companions to see just what they offer, maybe some respite visiting while I get out for R and R once in a while. Meals on Wheels. Transportation. Home hospice, if needed.

You are right about distancing myself a little. I geuss I have been in some denial, not wanting to face what must be done because it acknowledges the problems. I am keeping a written account of the delusion episodes and can slip that to our doctor.

All in all, I am feeling better about things and know that I can handle them okay, with occasional spouting off here and the wonderful support this has given me. Thanks again to all of you and God Bless.

FG I am so sorry you are both going through this but I have to agree point for point with what MB has said here especially the explaining of things.
They can not handle that at all.
I do not answer calls in front of MIL ever anymore.
All business is out of her sight personal or otherwise simply because if she doesnt have that particular type of reaction she'll worry and thats the last thing I want her to do.
Irregardless if your DH and my MIL are different the one problem associated with this disease is the same, they do not comprehend information like healthy people do anymore.
I also whole heartedly agree about the anti depressants.
I havent seen a case yet that has changed my mind on this particular matter and in most of the cases I do see they usually have the opposite effect on the patient taking anti depressants.
The only thing in my particular case that has worked well for us is a proper diet of whole foods & limited sugar intake as well as caffeine (absolutely no caffeine or chemically processed decaf coffee either)
If it has a chemical in it whatsoever it does not get consumed by my MIL.
We are on 12 years now, she has cognitive decline but not as bad as some of my cases Iv had
Please do try to locate a neurologist in your area

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Dh has been diagnosed with dementia and is on an anti-depressant which did seem to help some, but now this. Keeping track of these episodes is a good idea.

Farmgirl, antidepressents do not treat dementia symptoms: they treat depression and are not really hugely successful in that scope, according to studies!

PLEASE READ other threads where dementia symptoms are discussed. Dementia is a COLLECTION OF SYMPTOMS, not a disease process. The underlying diseases and conditions that cause dementia symptoms are often progressive, meaning the cognitive abilities of the patient are going to decline. Many people confuse cognitive decline with mental disorders, or "craziness." Nothing could be further from the truth. Because the brain controls EVERYTHING about how er are, what we know, how we respond, not ONLY do cognitive functions (balancing the checkbook, holding down a job, etc.) decline, other aspects of cognitive ability ALSO decline, ie. impulse control (overeating; standing on chairs; social skills, etc.). In addition to the cognitive skills lost, progressive brain diseases also relate to physical skills - remembering how to walk, chew, eat, button a shirt, cough, hold ones urine & feces, etc. The brain controls EVERYTHING, not just behavior!

I know resources are limited in your area, but your husband really needs to be seen by a neurologist who can better explain his underlying conditions to you, the affect they are having on his cognition and the prognosis of what you might reasonably expect. Dementia is not a pretty condition with which to live. It hurts. It hurt me to see the woman who taught me how to use table manners forget to use eating utensils and the reasons for using them. It hurt me to see a woman who was sooo compassionate make loud remarks about people's weight because she had lost the impulse control which governed her social skills. It hurt me to see her forget how to walk, sit, move her legs, etc.

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I explained to dh what was going on

You will have to learn not to do this. Your husband can no longer process things accurately the way he used to. Things get all mixed up. He doesn't understand any more and all the king's horses and all the king's men will NOT be able to return those lost abilities to him. Try NOT to involve him in any more than you have to! What I heard from the exchange is that your husband was worried about YOU. How he manifested that concern may have seemed bizarre, but the underlying paranoia caused by worrying about something happening to YOU came through loud and clear in his response. As caregiver for a patient with dementia symptoms has to learn to listen to verbal and non-verbal communication differently than one would with an unimpaired person. What they ACTUALLY say may be VERY DIFFERENT from what they mean or want to express!!

quote:

This was a total break from reality, worse than previous episodes. An these kinds of episodes seem to be getting more frequent and more severe. Is it the progression of the dementia?

Yes. His condition is progressive and will become more and more taxing and heartbreaking for you. Because of your own physical issues, I think you would be wise to start looking at other solutions for his care. No one WANTS to put someone in a nursing home, but for many people, this is the best solution. Right now may not be the time, but you should do your research, both in looking at facilities and in the financial issues, qualifications, etc. There can come a time for ANY caregiver that they are unable to continue care and plans should be in place for that situation.

quote:

I do hire cleaning help but sometimes it all just overwhelms me. I cry and pray a lot.

I sooo understand, sweetie. And it DOES feel very overwhelming! Detaching oneself emotionally from their loved one is difficult, but necessary. Not to do so leaves people in denial about their patient's real condition and prognosis and leaves them extremely vulnerable to every little "slide" in their LO's behavior & abilities.

I know that even in small communities, there ARE support groups for eldercare issues (senior groups, local area council on aging, Meals On Wheels, hospital outreach programs, churches, etc.). Talking with others in person like we do here online is very helpful, even if you can only go every now and then! You are living in a vacuum of isolation because of your rural life and existance with your husband. Isolation is especially hard on caregivers!! Makes one feel like they are caught in a nightmare from which they can't awaken! It starts with reaching out to the doc and getting a neurologist on DH's case. THeir office may be aware of resources that could help support you and your husband. If not, your closest hospital or medical clinic. Don't underestimate the services available from churches - even ones not of your particular faith!

Pay attention to your own health issues and emotional state. Feeling overwhelmed, while EXTREMELY common in caregivers, is NOT a healthy condition if one feels that way too much of the time. Take care of yourself first, dear, or the whole road show shuts down!! {{{{{HUGS}}}}}

I am sorry I don't have more time right now, sending a hug and a reminder of this thread on being ready to go.

http://eldercare.infopop.cc/ev...6016051/m/8671039485

Very comforting to have things ready to grab.

We were just to the doctor last week. Dh has been diagnosed with dementia and is on an anti-depressant which did seem to help some, but now this. Keeping track of these episodes is a good idea. Also, I will be putting together papers, etc. in my briefcase for emergency trips to the hospital, which I think will begin to happen. I think I will learn to deal with these better as time goes on.

Get him to a doctor who can assess his problem. I've heard others advise it's a good idea to keep a journal of these instances to help the doc understand a pattern of behavior and to aid him or her in a diagnosis and treatment plan.

Cry when you need to and prayer never hurts. It is SO hard to be dealing with your own health problems and trying to hold up someone else at the same time. Big hugs!