I was wondering if someone could help me with the most basic of questions. My father has been showing signs of confusion/dementia for the past couple of years and has not yet been evaluated by a physician for this problem. This is partly due to the fact that my mother has just recently acknowledged, although still somewhat denies, that alzheimers is a possibility. I need to know what steps she needs to take to get him checked out. My father is on medicare and has VA benefits. Thanks for any help you can offer!

Ann,

I'm so happy your Dad has an appointment at the VA this month. That must be a big relief for you. Has your Mom posted anywhere on the Forum yet? I would love to talk with her if she has. Do keep us posted on what happens at the VA with your Dad.

Vicki

Hello all! I'm happy to report my dad has an appt at the VA this month. The VA people told my mom to make a list of his behavioral changes (like you said Irish!)and that she would go in before my dad to talk to the dr. about it. Sounds promising so far. I have also introduced my mom to this site. She loves chatting on AIM with me, so I think she'll love having others (who can relate) to talk to about the trials and tribulations in her life. Anyway, thanks again for all the info and we'll keep you posted. Ann

Hello Ann:

I,m glad you have come to the forum.I hope your Mom is able to accept your Dad having AD. My husband has AD in 5-6 stage, Jim is 78 I am 76. When your Mom has seen GP and probably a Neurologist they will put him on Aricept or Reminyl, I think. Jim is on Aricept and it really slowed down the AD for 2 yrs.


Do you live near your Mom? Suggest to your Mom to go to the Alzheimers Society, and if you live near go with her. Joining a Support Group is very helpful. Your Mom will meet other women who are caring for their Husbands, she will be able to talk to them, and hear about their LO,s , and gain some insight into how others are managing. I have been going to a support group for 4yrs. They are the only people other than the Forum who you can discuss your problems with.
I hope all goes well with your Mom & Dads visit to the GP. Your Mom should go in with your Dad remember your Dad cannot remember all that has been said..
Take care Eleanor

[ November 17, 2001: Message edited by: Eleanor ]

Hi Ann,

This is so hard on everyone when AD strikes a loved one. It must be a great relief to you that your Mom is willing to take your Dad to the Dr. If it's appropriate he will be given some sort of meds which help with the symytoms and inprove his quality of life. Try to focus on that part of things.

I'm sure it must be very difficult for both of them to have this role reversal at this stage of their lives. Having you as a daughter I'm sure gives them a lot of comfort.

Do let us know of any new developments. We care.

Vicki

Thanks so much for everyone's replies to my questions! I talked to my mom the other nite and it looks like she's going to set up an appt. with a local GP and go from there. She seemed to think, from what a friend told her, that this Dr. could evaluate my dad and prescribe Aricept immediately. I told her a visit to a neurologist was probably going to come after the GP and that a definitive diagnosis needed to be made before drugs were prescribed.
It's been kinda hard for my mom to accept the changes my dad has been going through. He is 12 years her senior(75) and when they got married 36 years ago I'm sure their roles reversing in their golden years is the last thing she expected to happen. He used to be THE MAN of the house and has now almost become the child she looks after. She has been doing fine with him so far, but I can tell she gets frustrated sometimes. Hopefully she can get him to the Dr. and find out a little more about what is going on. All we can do is cross our fingers!
Anyway, thanks for all the great advice and I'll let you know of any new developments. Ann

1der33,if your dad goes to a VA hospital for his routine care I suggest you and your mom make a list of the changes in your dad. She needs to insist that she go in with him to see the doctor. usually the nurse will tell the doctor that the family member wants in on the consult. You said he had VA benefits, depending on wether he's service connected disabled and what precentage of disability he has there might be all the care he needs through the VA. His primary care doc will set up scheduling of tests etc. He can even get his meds through them. Good luck, Irish

Hi,

Another thing you might want to see is if there is a (don't laugh there are some still) physician who would do a house call. It may be from a mental health center or some other agency. Likewise, maybe there is a public health nurse that could come in and do an initial assessment, and then do the referring. Finally, if there are the funds available, a geriatric care manager might be someone to call in. they would be able to work with your mom, and also do an initial assesssment.

Good luck.

Peter Silin
author, Nursing Homes: The Family's Journey www.NursingHomesBook.com

Ann,

Sometimes the quickest way to get the well spouse to take the suffering spouse in to have a thourgh exam is to remind them it could be due to a treatable cause. That if it is something treatable the earlier treatment is started the better. This is the truth as there are many different disease/condition that have dementia type symptoms.

You may also try contacting the Alz. Assoc. and see what they will recommend. Ask if they have a support grpup that is made up of mostly spousal CGs that your mom can go to.

Ann,

I agree that having the Dr. give her some hard facts may help her to deal with what is happening to her husband. It is very difficult to come to grips on something like this. Be patient with her. We all handle things differently.

Let us know how it goes at the Dr.

Vicki

Thanks Vicki! I had to post under a non-registered name due to some software glitches, but I'll be Annietex for now on. I'll pass the info on to my mom, and hopefully she'll get the ball rolling. I keep telling her that time is of the essence to try and hopefully slow down the progression of my dad's problem. We are worried about the toll this is taking on her as his caregiver, and think having a doctor give her some hard facts will help. Plus, if the medication can benefit him even a little, it will help her tremendously! Thanks again for your reply. Ann