My mother is 93..and now when i take her to the commode she wont stand for me to take her diaper off or on..I know there are hoyer lifts..but how would i still do the diaper..dont get it..
and im so tired of trying to hold her up by myself..its becoming such a chore..toileting..when it was never this bad..

yahoo!!! got some help putting mom to bed..
what a chore it was without someone..and tonite was so easy..and shes coming 7 days a week for this..fantastic girl..
well my call to elder affairs..got the girl fired at the agency..elder services was told to do there job..lol..so there is a God!!
will keep you informed of what happens next..lol thank you guys..and have a wonderful holiday!!

I have power of atty and have had a lawyer thru aarp for all that..
elder services told me i cant change the agency..cause we have changed twice in 6 months..they said this is the last straw..they keep sending incompetent people so i complain..or when they dont show up..they change the agency..now im stuck with this incompetent one..who has no oncall for weekends..and the original girl walked out..so this sub..doesnt know whats shes doing

quote:

Originally posted by Forever Rainbows:
thanks guys..sometimes you do feel alone in this..what do you mean by an elder atty..also i do plan on calling elder affairs tomorrow..cause no one showed up today either..she is suppose to have batyhs 7 days a week..plus i had asked for help getting her to bed..otherwise i have been doing this for 7 yrs by myself..now that i need the help its like im asking for too much..the worker is always bugging me..do you need more time..when i finally do say yes..its well i dont know about that..good grief..

Elder attorney = a lawyer who specializes in elder care law. I hunted around for one right after my mom was diagnosed. She not only redid Mom's will, but also drew up DPOA (Durable Power Of Attorney, which means I'm legally Mom's financial agent) and Mom's health proxy (I'm the one who makes her medical decisions). Knowing that I'd be applying to Medicaid upon Mom's behalf down the road, my elder attorney also drew up all the paperwork I needed to submit.

My situation was quite simple, as I'm an only child. In other families, elder attorneys can draw up irrevocable trusts and handle all the financial and tax stuff, especially if the LO has a large family and wishes to distribute his/her assets in a fair and equitable manner. The DPOA, though, is the "Big Thing". Without it, you're basically a sitting duck for anything financial because you, according to the law, do not have the right to handle the LO's money. I've known a few people who didn't have it, and they paid dearly for it upon their LO's deaths. , espeically when Medicaid was involved.

I don't mean to scare you, FR -- it's cold reality I'm talking about here.

Have you spoken to your mom's caseworker recently? Does s/he know exactly what's going on? What I can't understand is why s/he's giving you the runaround. I mean, if you're asking for services that your mom is indeed entitled to, I don't understand what the problem is on the other end. THAT's why I asked about the elder attorney...if you had one, s/he could act upon your behalf to the elder agency, and can do so as required by law.

Have you spoken to anyone at your state's Medicaid office? I would think if they knew about the issues you're having, they, by law, would have to act upon your mom's behalf.

*trying to think*

This message has been edited. Last edited by: embersmom,

thanks guys..sometimes you do feel alone in this..what do you mean by an elder atty..also i do plan on calling elder affairs tomorrow..cause no one showed up today either..she is suppose to have batyhs 7 days a week..plus i had asked for help getting her to bed..otherwise i have been doing this for 7 yrs by myself..now that i need the help its like im asking for too much..the worker is always bugging me..do you need more time..when i finally do say yes..its well i dont know about that..good grief..

They got mad at you?!? Sweetie, THEY'RE NOT DOING THEIR JOB!

MB is correct -- please, if nothing else, go to your state's website and look up the Medicaid regulations. If nothing else, your state HAS to have an ombudsman (sp?) in their elder affairs office -- that's who you complain to if regarding the elder agency, presuming that your elder agency is funded by the state and/or your county.

Have you ever spoke to an elder attorney? Do you have one?

I don't mean to set off alarm bells either, but I'm obviously not the only one who's confused and angry by this runaround you're getting. If there's anything this caretaking journey has taught me is to be quite assertive without losing my head or my voice -- if you don't ask, you won't get answers. If you don't kmow something, you need to do some research, whether it's via the internet or in person or on the phone.

And yes, it's more than overwhelming. I know. Especially when you're the only one.

Hang in there, and please let us know how you're doing. And if you need ANY help with any of this research, let MB or me or anyone else here know. I mean it.

my social worker is from elder services..she even told me i cant have a hoyer for the bedroom cause i would have to for the bath..and theres no room in the bath for one..also said then my mom would have to have sponge only..when a tub bath is not hard if two people do it..they just keep pushing me for a nursing home..the only probs i have is her standing..otherwise she is not a hard person..yes shes has alhzimers..she doesnt know who i am half the time..
i dont work..i am 53 and on disilbilty for my arthritis..its severe in my hands,but i can still manage so far on my own..just cant work..
nursing homes just dont do it for me..the last one let her fall on her head..no restaints so she went forward..she does it here and i seat belt her in the wheel chair..

but i do plan on exploding come monday mroning..although the last time i did..they got mad at me..and the agency refused to come here..lol

I'm so sorry, FR... you obviously need more, but I still don't understand WHO "elder services" is... Are they a state agency for Medicaid? Something is wrong here and we're tryin' to help figger it out so we know what to suggest... Her doctor can order home health services. She at least qualifies for visits 2X week by an aid and a monthly visit by an RN. She should be able to see her doctor ANYTIME - This sounds regrettably like you are going through a state agency who has not informed you of your mom's rights and entitlement under medicaid... Does your mom have any medical conditions, like heart problems, diabetes, etc.? Does she have dementia symptoms? Has she ever had a neurological workup? I am still kinda horrified that her doc prescribed Cipro without a sensitivity culture and did not order a follow-up urinalysis after she completed the course of treatment... That's practicing "best guess" medicine and there is no reason for this when there are specific tests for diagnosis. If a speciman could not be obtained by "clean catch," a cath speciman should have been taken (a catheter is inserted into the urethra and the urine is drained through the catheter tube - quick and simple, although not as comfortable for the patient). This is done every day everywhere and I don't understand why your mom did not receive the kind of medical attention that I demand from my veterinarian!!

Sweetie, you gotta get assertive with these "eldercare services" folks (or whoever they are) AND with her doctor... For these folks to not show up to a scheduled appointment... well, that would happen ONCE and I'd run 'em off! There is NO EXCUSE for that kind of "service." You gotta understand, FR - the "service" you are receiving sounds like total BULL and I think you are being misguided and misinformed. If the doc and this "elder services" outfit wants to treat your mom like a second class citizen, they need to be replaced immediately! Go to the medicaid website for your state and read up on her rights and entitlements! What state are y'all in? We can try to find that link for ya... Does your mom have a social worker assigned to her? THe social worker should be able to help you, although if he/she is part of this "elder services" bunch, I would be leery of anything they might tell you...

Hang in there, sweetie! Give us as much info as you can and we'll ALL try to help you find better care for your mom and help for you.

elder services..takes care of her ..they are the ones who watch over her so to speak..cause of medicaid..the only way i can get rid of them is to have visiting nurses come in..which i think is time..because no one showed up today for her bath..i cant do it alone..
i have a vet appt..but after that i will put her in bed..i cant do this anymore..with no help all weekend..neither elder services or the agency that comes in here..have an on call for the weekend..can you imagine that..
i want to cry so much..just cant understand why im treated like this from these agencies..

FR, forgive me for being dense, but exactly WHO is "elder services?" Is this a local or state agency or something? Don't mean to give ya the third degree, but this doesn't sound right to us and we're all wondering if there are more benefits that your mom and you are entitled to that you are not receiving...

Forever Rainbow, My husband had quite a problem with his bottom.One because his one Parkinsons meds makes him perspire and the other he would scratch himself.We use the tegaderm patch for awhile but it kept the area too moist and we began having problems with fungial sores.We were using Calmoseptine with great success.Also used special absorbing patches .Then it got worse as his body would perspire and the fungus was even getting under his arms and all the folds in his tummy and groin area.What we use now is the generic for Lotrisone, Cream used for Babies bottoms and it cleared with in 3 days.We do keep it in the areas with creases and on his bottom.Have to be sure the sore areas are bathed very gently as it can break the skin.I have to be careful with soaps and moisturizers as his skin is very sensitive.Nothing with a aroma or makes alot od of suds.

quote:

Originally posted by Forever Rainbows:
she has medicaid and medicare..elder services..sends the agency out..i have changed agencies in the past thru them..but it takes a while..no visiting nurses come..the elder service does have a nurse..but she comes out twice a year..

Twice a year?!? I've never heard of such a thing. Seriously...forgive my shock, but that strikes me as something not being quite right there. I mean, when Mom needed a visitng nurse after coming home from the hospital last year, our elder agency sent one over the vernext day, and twice a week thereafter until the doc officially stated that the services were no longer needed. I thought all visiting nurse agencies operated similar...???

quote:

and in 2003 she was in rehab..they didnt show me anything..nor did the visiting nurses at the time.

WHAT?!?

What's done is done, but still...frankly, I'm appalled *quietly seething on your behalf*

she has medicaid and medicare..elder services..sends the agency out..i have changed agencies in the past thru them..but it takes a while..no visiting nurses come..the elder service does have a nurse..but she comes out twice a year..i do have the tegaderm on her butt and keep oitment on like you said..elder service says the agency needs a week to get this together..as the girl they had quit..they had someone walk out..who handled the aides.

and in 2003 she was in rehab..they didnt show me anything..nor did the visiting nurses at the time.

Momsbuddy is right.That is along time for services.To me this would have bells go off.The agency I have now was ready to go the day after our arranging for services.I had one I fired as they were not worth their weight in gold.You do have the right, if available , to go to another service.If you cannot have them be consistent and be there when you most need them , what good will they be.Hopefully this is a short coming , one time only.UNDER MEDICARE THEY HET A SET AMOUNT EVERY DAY WHETER THEY COME OR NOT.YOU WILL GET A NOTICE FROM MEDICARE EACH MONTH SHOWING YOU THE COSTS OF THE SERVICES EACH MONTH.EVEN THE MINISTER GETS PAYED TO COME SAY A SHORT PRAYER.

FR, I am puzzled at the advice you have been given... A home health agency is there to do what the patient needs WHEN they need it! If you are getting the runaround from your agency, I suggest you contact another. THe doc will have to write orders to transfer another company to her care, but you do not HAVE to accept this kind of brush-off. If it is NOT a home health agency that you contacted, perhaps I am not understanding...

I agree that if your mom is unable to safely stand for pottying, etc., then you need to handle this in bed, but you need to be shown HOW todo this! You have already indicated that she has excoriated skin breakdowns on her fanny - being bedbound means that she will have to be changed several times a day to prevent the urine from eating her little bottom up. Be SURE to use a GOOD barier cream after every change. A good barrier cream should be thick, usually will have zinc oxide in it and other moisturizers. The idea here is to coat the skin to protect it. If she has breakdowns, home health should be seeing her for wound care as those little rashy, "cut" looking areas can breakdown into a stage II or III decubitus (bedsore) in a heartbeat! Caring for this type of wound is very different from caring for a scrape on someone's knee! PLEASE call her doctor and get home health out there to assist. If her skin has open areas (that are either "weeping" or bleeding), she needs to be seen by a wound care nurse who will recommend specific treatments and dressings for this. A tegaderm dressing over excoriated areas is frequently uised to further protect the skin, keep it moist to allow it to heal and not be further compromised from pressure or healing. When mom is sitting, be sure to change her position every couple of hours from one hip to the other then back to the center so that she doesn't sit on ONE place all the time. This is the cause of pressure sores (decubital ulcers, bedsores, etc.). Normal folks move around a lot - when we have to sit, we are constantly shifting our weight, etc. and this prevents us from developing pressure sores. But folks like your mom do not move themselves around much, so we have to constantly shift them to prevent them from sitting on the same place all the time.

A good nursing home or rehab facility should have educated you (before releasing your mom) in the techniques you need to care for her at home. Sounds like they didn't spend much time with you!

Please tell us a little more about the care she is receiving - ie. is she on medicare or medicaid? Does she have home health services (a visiting nurse) who come out regularly to check on her? Does she have a doctor she sees regularly?

Good luck and remember to be CAREFUL with yourself as you care for her - keeping the caregiver strong is priority ONE 'cause without YOU, the whole show goes down!

UTI can present many symptoms.There were times when my husband would start with feeling so weak, back ache and unable to do anything physically.Because he had so many Cipro did nothing.They placed him a stronger meds.Cipro is not always the antibiotic of choice these days .You stated mom thought she was standing but was not.I can relate to this as when I try to feed my hubby he believes his mouth is open and it is not.The brain is not sending the message to allow certain motor skills.This is nothing they can control.This is my husbands one real weak area

Rainbow, that is along time.I do know most agencies are busy this time of year.The one thing that may help mom is to turn her , slightly, to her side and place a firm pillow beside her so she will remain in that position.Then , if able , turn her on her other side and do the same.Becareful when trying to pull her up or position.Have a draw sheet that will prevent her skin from rubbing the bed sheet.Also try to keep moisturizing cream on her bottom.Sorry you are having to wait so long.

elder services called..no one can help with bed time for a week or so..ugh!!
also she kept telling me to keep her in bed..my god that opens up a possibility for sickness and sores..she said a nursing would most likely keep her in bed too..what do you all think..im getting very sore here..using my stomache muscles and some hurt..

FR, it is so difficult sometimes when they seem uncooperative... I don't think they do it on purpose for the most part - I think they just are not processing what they are supposed to do right in their brains... Every now and then I would get a little peek into this whenh Mom tells me she doesn't know how to do something we take for granted... like not knowing how to lift her leg or something like that... At first, I would think - you don't know HOW? Heck, you've been doing it all your life! How can you not know how? But then when I think about it and break down all the things that have to happen just right for someone to respond to us, it's a lot harder to do those simple things than it seems...

Many blessings for all you go through for her.

Its so hard to get thru to her..shes always in another world..when i sit and talk to her on why ..she dont stand up..she tells me she does..lol
i honestly hate nursing homes..shes been in some for rehab, and they didnt chnage her for 5 hrs..and gave her meds to close..ugh!!!
I keep her clean cause she has those cuts on her bottom..i love the woman but she makes me so mad and irritable..i had to see the dr for headaches..and he says its stress..lol