I'm not really angry, but my anxiety is so high I'm having chest pains like a freakin' heart attack and I'm 27!
I know many of you have worse stuff to deal with so I don't want to marginalize what you have to handle, but I need to vent. Maybe this will help me get my thought in order.
I'm feeling overwhelmed. I have so many things I need to take care of, and none of them are really "optional." Any of these would normally be things I would happily take on, but right now there's just too many of them at the same time!!!

1) I'm on the board of directors for the local literacy council. We're a registered charity and we've been getting a lot fewer donations lately because we're a border town and so much of our revenue has come from Bingo, but now with the high Canadian dollar no one is coming over to play bingo. This means we have to put in a lot more effort and fundraising in order to keep our organization from folding. A huge percentage of adults in this area need help improving their reading and writing, and all the factory jobs in this area are being sent "elsewhere" so this is a very important charity for our community. Even if I wanted to quit the board (which I don't) I can't because I really, really need this experience both for my resume and because I'm a newcomer to this town and this is one of the best ways to make new contacts. Right now I'm trying to help plan two different charity fundraisers. It's a lot of work.

2) My contract with Niagara College expires at Christmas, so just in time for Christmas I'll be unemployed AGAIN. I know that's just the way it is with new teachers, we all have to take random short-term jobs when we're first starting out. I really love working at the college and I shudder at the thought of supply teaching... supply teachers are treated so badly by students. I don't even know if I'll get enough supply teaching to pay all the bills.

3) My fiance is a good guy who treats me very well and he has a great family, but he's bipolar and has ADD, and this is the time of year that Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)is starting to rear its ugly head. Because of the bipolar disorder it's extremely important to make sure that he takes his medications on time every day, but because of the ADD he can't remember ANYTHING that he has to do, even stuff he does routinely like taking his pills, so I have to make sure he takes everything. If I forget to tell him, he forgets to take them. Now that it's SAD time I have an extremely difficult time forcing him to wake up to take his pills. Also, because of his conditions, he can't work in a "normal" setting. I'm the main breadwinner. He designs websites at home, which brings in some money, and someday it'll be good because he'll be the stay-at-home parent while I go to work (some people with bipolar disorder can be dangerous, but he's not. He's a kitten). But right now while I'm facing being unemployed again it's very terrifying.

4) I HATE job hunting. I have to make sure I help Oma every other weekend. I know that's not a lot and I'm grateful that my mother and I are able to share duties. But because Oma lives 2 hours away this means I have to stay over, so I have to get a job that won't require me to work on weekends, or at the very least, give me 2 consecutive off-days a week. That's hard to find when you're desparate for a job and nobody's hiring except for shift work!

So somehow I need to mark 200 papers, plan next week's lessons, update my resume, go job hunting, prepare and advertise two fundraisers, help Oma, drive my Uncle to the airport, give my fiance the attention he needs, and find time to clean, shower, and sleep all within the next few days.

I'm going to go grocery shopping now. Then I'm gonna go home and cry a little (if I have time).
Damn I'm glad I finished my Christmas shopping already.

Thanks all for your support. I'm feeling a little better today. I'm trying to schedule so I know when I need to get things done and do them in the most efficient order.
To answer all your questions, it's possible but unlikely that the college will renew my contract because there simply aren't enough classes to go around during the second semester, but they might hire me again next September.
We're trying light therapy in addition to vitamin D supplements this winter to try to combat the SAD... we'll see how it works. We also got a membership at the YMCA; exercise a few times a week is supposed to help, and it's always brightly lit even if it's not "special" lighting.
As for Oma, I only have to help every other weekend now, so that's good (Mother and I are taking turns on alternate weekends). As long as she doesn't have any emergencies in the near future things will be fine; I only live 2 hours away from Oma, but Mother lives 5 hours away and my Uncle lives in California, so when there are emergencies I'm in charge until someone else can "relieve" me. It's like being in the military and waiting for the changing of the guard.
The charity I work with just electd me to the board of directors this spring and it's a 2 year commitment. I'm so busy right now because literally the day before Oma was hospitalized I started organizing a new fundraiser, and it was all my idea so I can't really pass it off. It's going to be held November 25 and then I'll only have my normal director-member duties and our major fundraiser in April to co-plan. It wouldn't be so hectic if the timing had been different, but there's no way we could have predicted Oma would get sick at the exact same time. I've already told them I'm not taking on any "new" projects for now, just finishing what I've already committed to.
As for employment, I'll just have to pray hard and hand everyone I meet a resume. Please pray for me too, I'm sure it'll help!

Sister Awake, Please listen to what Moms Buddy has siad.Please.You have spread your self so thin.First things come first.Us older folk have been there and know what can happen when you try to do it all.Well, this old folk.The rest here are young folk

Sis, I have long believed that in addition to the Anger Wall, we need a WAILNG wall! You are obviously an ambitious, driven woman, so first, let me remind you that you ARE mortal. The charity got along without you before and it'll be there when you move on... do your best but don't allow it to take more from you than you have to give at any particular time.

I just posted a reply to another younger caregiver that applies to you too
http://eldercare.infopop.cc/eve/forums/a/tpc/f/55060160...291023505#3291023505

EASY DOES IT!! One day at a time! With the care and attention you are focusing on your husband and your career, it's imperative that you BALANCE and prioritize your activities. You are a generation removed from your wonderful Oma. You may not be able to focus as much of your attention on her care as you would like, but there are others around you whose primary responsibilities in life are closer to her care than are yours. Take care of you and yours first! Charity work comes after familial responsibilities. While it is difficult to tell folks that you do not have the time and energy to always be there for a cause, remember that organizations have other members and most organizations will happily take every drop of energy you give, thank you very much and go on after you have dropped dead from exhaustion. Pace yourself and remember to keep some of that vitality for yourself!

sister awake. i am sorry so much is piled on you at once. and you're right, they are not otional.fundrasing is very hard work, even if you don't have everything else to deal with. i don't have any sage advice for you. sorry. is there any chance the college will renew your contract? also, have you ever tried the light treatment for SAD? when i lived in alaska several doctors prescribed it for their patients. some swear by it, and it is becoming much for affordable than back then. who knows, it might help. i don't know how it would work with bi polar and add,too but t would be easy since he works from home. hang on sister, you have a lot to offer. things are tough all over so i can understand your anxiety, but you also have skills. not everyone has that going for them. take care of your health. anxiety can bring a person to their knees. take care and vent any time. we will listen.

Sis honey, your burden is heavy, you have a lot to take care of and attention to give.

I hope things lighten up for you soon!

This is a good place to vent, just come on back when you need to!!!!!!