i am new to this site, and find it helpful

But i have not seen my problem posted

my mother in law has dementia

she lives with me..her son (who is my husband)
her sister age 83, and my dad age 77

we bought this house with the intention of taking care of our parents during their golden years..and being a nice home for our own retirement

everyone has a nice room, and tv of their own


My mother in law is 85
She was hospitalized with TIA's 5 times during the month of August
The new medication is taking care of those

I moved my business office to home, so i could be here
more often, I do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, take her to doctors appointments.



Lately she is becoming more and more difficult
to work with

during the last five days

I have been accused of getting rid of her dog
even though I point to her dog, and tell her here she is---"well that not my dog" she replys

Sabotaging her TV, when she can;t get the remote to work right

My poor husband (who works nightshift)
has taken to locking our bedroom door so his Mother cannot go in there waking him up demanding he fix her TV
when she thinks it isnt working right

he is also wearing earplugs so when she is screaming at obsenities us the noise won't wake him

she refuses to eat , screams at the family
(her son, me, my dad, her sister)
refuses to do her excersises
She wants to lay in bed 24/7 watch her TV
knowing full well this will cause illness


Today was the worst
ahe refused to eat every meal, flung obsenities at me about how lazy her sister is at the age of 83

I had to go grocery shopping ....for the 45 minutes I was gone
My mother in law Flung hateful obsenities at my dad, which upset my dad so badly he went into the garage
to hide from her



Tonight She insisted on going to a nursing home, where she says she will get better care than she does here.
Of course it has to be one that her dog can be with her

her doctor prescribed medication to calm her down
which takes the edge off of her anger
But she is still hateful towards the family
members

And I can see the family is fed up, I know they should not take what she says personally....yet everyone is leaving her care to me and staying away from her


I am at my wits end

HELP!

DixxePenny@aol.com

Sweetie, I didn't want you to think no one has replied - I wrote you a post elaborating on what I wrote to you in another thread, but I apparently used a word that caused my post to be held up for administrative approval. Hang in there and in the meantime, please check out the following topic where we discussed neurological workups for elders.
http://eldercare.infopop.cc/eve/forums/a/tpc/f/32260841...181043483#4181043483

Hang in there!

DixeePenny, I replied to you in another thread. It sounds like the CAUSE of your mom's dementia needs to be diagnosed. Dementia is a set of symptoms that can be caused by many different diseases and conditions such as Alzheimer's Disease, Vascular disease, head injury, drug interaction - the list goes on and on. The conditions causing dementia are treated in many different ways. It is important to acertain the underlying cause of the dementia symptoms so that the doc can order the most effective treatment.

Most workups like this are done during an in-patient stay in a geriatric psych section of the hospital. The stay lasts anywhere from 10 days to 3 weeks, depending on the individual. A battery of tests are run that check neurological and other body functions, cognitive testing to acertain what your mom's brain can and cannot do, physical testing to see what the extent of your mom's abilities (or disabilities) are, and observations of her behavior by specialists. After the results are all in and all the specialists powwow, the doc (usually a neurologist or psychoneurologist or other geriactric specialist) formulated his diagnostic opinion and recommends a treatment plan for the patient. This is a great opportunity for the doc to try new meds or combinations or strengths, to see if they help your mom's symptoms. Some may not work out and can worsen the psychotic, violent and angry behaviors a patient displays. Best for that to happen in the hospital where they can rapidly address acute symptoms and make changes without the usual parade of phone calls and visits to the doc's office and pharmacy.

PLEASE do not take your mom's remarks and behavior personally - that is the contidion talking back to you and not your mom. It is very hard not to direct the hurt and anger we feel toward the person who made the hurtful statements, but in this case, we are dealing with people who are not responsible for their behavior. Their brains are broken and they may behave in ways that are so totally uncalled for, so totally unlike what we have experienced with that person, so downright mean and nasty. Learning about the effect that brain damage has on a person's behavior is very helpful in enabling yourself to separate from the person you love and the behaviors of a broken brain. KNOW that somewhere, somehow, sometime on some level, your mom DOES know AND appreciate what you do for her, whether she is able to express that to you or not.
Keep the faith and know we're here 24/7 and we DO understand...