This will not get "rid of it". Anger is not a tooth brushing exercise. I am more aware of my husbands illness and the fact his life is drawing to a close.The decades long issue of my lack of companionship is now moving into a different prespective.Time is erasing the anger although I still have plenty.At him for his failure to make even the slightest effort to take care of himself, at the US health care system that isnt a system: just a sort of greed driven chaotic mess. Have anger directed at my own short comings.Anger at the finite design of life.We marry, change diapers,educate and thenj watch the child die then proceed to marry, change the mates diapers and watch the mate die.hat the bloody hell is the point?

Why is it when everything is going well (you think) is it that a certain women in your life decides to fuck it all up. Why can't you just be happy, and see the beauty in the world..instead of making us misserble..I just want to scream my head off.....petit little f**king things....put things into perspective for f**ks sake....

I am so glad you the wall are here... I just wanted to say my life sucks and it has just about come to a end. I have tried so very hard to keep going but after losing all 4 grandparents, my only 2 children, my husband trying to kill himself over and over while killing me spiritualy, my father dying my mother running me down constuntly and my bother and sister having no contact with me I see no reason or hope to go on. The church misunderstands me, my friends keep adding to my dimise by asking way to much of me and I can't hold down a job do to my depression/stress leavel. I am living out of a tent at the lake and fish for food. I love God and believe in him but I am in so much pain,physicaly,mentaly,emoitionly,and spiritaly I don't feel like I have reason to live. My children were my life my reason and now there gone and I feel so empty and dead i feel like this is all a dream and I just need to wake up..........................

IT REALLY PISSES ME OFF THAT PEOPLE WHO YOU ARE ENEMIES WITH WAIT % OR TEN YEARS TILL YOU FORGET EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENNED BEFORE THEY HAVE YOUR BEST FRIENDS BACKSTAB YOU SO THEY CAN EXTRACT THE FINISHING TOUCHES ON THEIR ONE SIDED ARGUMENT THAT THEY WOULD HAVE LOST IF THEY HAD CONFRONTED YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!

IT REALLY PISSES ME OFF THAT PEOPLE WHO YOU ARE ENEMIES WITH WAIT % OR TEN YEARS TILL YOU FORGET EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENNED BEFORE THEY HAVE YOUR BEST FRIENDS BACKSTAB YOU SO THEY CAN EXTRACT THE FINISHING TOUCHES ON THEIR ONE SIDED ARGUMENT THAT THEY WOULD HAVE LOST IF THEY HAD CONFRONTED YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!

I WANT MY FAMILY BACK! I WANT IZAIAH TO DISAPPEAR AND I WANT HIM TO GET CAUGHT AT EVERY BAD THING HE DOES. I WANT HIM AND HIS FAMILY TO FACE AUTHORITIES WHEN EVERYONE KNOWS WHAT THEY HAVE DONE. I'M TIRED OF THE BAD PEOPLE WINNING! I JUST WANT MY FAMILY BACK AND HAPPY SO THAT WE CAN START OVER.

i hate my life.my dad died in 99' and my grandmother just died in may. my mom hates me and sometimes i feel like just killing myself. people hate me b/c i am white and i like black people. i don't see anyting wrong with that. i wish god could have taken my fu**ing life and not my dads.my grandmother made me sooooooo mad. she had fu**ing cancer of the liver 4 2 god damn fu**ing weeks before telling me. i just want to die so i can get away from life.

i hate my life.my dad died in 99' and my grandmother just died in may. my mom hates me and sometimes i feel like just killing myself. people hate me b/c i am white and i like black people. i don't see anyting wrong with that. i wish god could have taken my fu**ing life and not my dads.my grandmother made me sooooooo mad. she had fu**ing cancer of the liver 4 2 god damn fu**ing weeks before telling me. i just want to die so i can get away from life.

you are all so fxcking negative and lame get a fucking life!! its not that hard relax, have a bud, live in the moment and do the right thing and dont worry about jack shit duh! how fxcking hard is that?

Mom has alzheimers and is in nursing home. Dad cannt stand it and doesnt understand the disease. Wont admit anything is wrong. This has been going on for years.. I'm tired!!!

Fuck being angry it just pisses me off more!

i really dont like people that say or try or do kill them selves. i mean why? all you do is solve your problems, and creat a hole shit lode more for every one that you knew. but that is all i want to say

This is insane. "Spit it out and get rid of it"? If ridding of it were that easy, I'd be a competent, functioning, and possibly quite approachable member of society. Okay, maybe not. But at least I wouldn't be sitting here contemplating with little more than a detached, morbid amusement a most disconcerting fate. Really -- who wants their final awareness to be that of breathing the sour-milk-and-egg-carton smells that so discreetly inhabit the inside of a plastic grocery bag, staring fixedly at a Safeway logo? "Hey, I wonder if that milk's still good?" I'll wonder as I drift into a state where I may, thin green line crossed, wonder no further. Christ, may it never come to that. Though I do want a reprieve from conciousness. Actually, I'm counting on that utter absense of self after this one, final deliberate act -- whatever this one, final deliberate act may, in the end, entail. Which is funny, because for as far back as I can remember, I've spent a good deal of my life actively avoiding anything that might interfere with my being concious and in one piece. Never once in my 21 years have I been injured. That'll certainly set me back. Perhaps I should opt for something more straightforward and irreversable? I inherited from a deceased relative a .38 special police gun a while back. At least I think that's what it's called. I know nothing of firearms, and have never held one. But it's mine no less, and it's sitting here somewhere. Were it not for this survival instinct that has thus far kept me ranting at my keyboard, I'd get up and look for it. At the very least find it. The survival instinct's a bitch. I fear the flinching mechanism. I see myself bleeding on my bedroom floor, a hole of considerable size in my now mishapen skull, and I hear the slick, subtle sounds of fluids draining, bone settling where it need not settle, the fairly sound enclosure that was my head caving in on itself. And my luck holds -- I'm still vaguely aware, wondering what most primal part of my brain did I miss, perhaps marveling (or wretching) at the funky texture of carpet against my bare eyeball ... perhaps I end up spending my remaining years in a dark and terrible half-oblivion, my awareness manifest only in whatever fevered, reptillian nightmares my stunted brain tissue can fire. Or worse, reliving the terminal moment in a grisly, endless loop until I am too far gone to realize it/I ever ended. Don't get me wrong. I do very much want to die. No, scratch that. I need to die. It has been a reoccurring part of my life for the past few years, a habitual glance westward at even the most inane opportunities; What if I just step on the gas? What if I don't look both ways? What if I don't dry my hands before I flick this next light switch? What if I lie back now, exhasperated, mind spent, and pull the trigger? God, I wish I had some N02 and a little tent. Maybe a CD player. I'm such a coward.

god i hate my life some times i'm 16 years old and every one thinks i'm a fucking whore. even my mom. i'm also a dissapointment to her b/c i smoke, have done drugs cut myself and have had sex with 1 guy. she wants me to be like my sis which is not who i am. my friends hate me b/c i still like my ex boy friend. i dont know why i even bother with anything any more.

Fuck you my loving 5 sisters and mom you have fucken worpt my mind i me being in relationships you are so fucken twisted in your thinking and giving me your training sucks because i suffer and hurt other because you could not reach out side the family for you needs Im not your husband Im not your little man to play with .I HATE WOMEN.I just figured this out and Im 39 fuckkkkk. ED C

Fuck you my loving 5 sisters and mom you have fucken worpt my mind i me being in relationships you are so fucken twisted in your thinking and giving me your training sucks because i suffer and hurt other because you could not reach out side the family for you needs Im not your husband Im not your little man to play with .I HATE WOMEN.I just figured this out and Im 39 fuckkkkk.

Life sucks, work sucks, school sucks, I have nothing to do in life. What's the point of staying alive anyways?

I can't believe them. They haven't stopped changing MY schedule around without even notifying me, causing disruption in my scheduled exams and leaving me one exam to be given to the poor kids on the last day of school! They cancelled classes and had me show up for classes that were little more than babysitting while the kids finished work for OTHER teachers... And now, they call me to tell me to hurry up filling in the grade reports!! The principal told me last week not to worry about getting the darn grade reports done because they can't send them off anyway until school is out! So what is the rush, I'd like to know. Why CALL me as if I was somehow not fulfilling MY responsibilities??? I will never, never, ever work for that school again. Teachers are like Kleenex tissues. Our time is jacksh__. And then they call you up to scold you... Heaven help me! Thank you for letting me scream! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You'll have them around for a long time ... especially if there is any money left when she does go. They're not worth worrying about. Know that we who do the same as you respect you. It's not easy - (only easy to give suggestions). Just look inside of yourselves and you will find all the reward you need for your courageous actions. Perhaps in the future through other circumstances your relatives will come to appreciate at a later date what you have done. I hope so.

My mother-in-law is in a nursing home since her cerebral hemmorage and 2 strokes one weekend. She can't even roll over in bed or move anything freely at all except her hands and arms and head. She has dementia from dozens of strokes, no control over her bladder and bowels at all, partially blind, and on oxygen 24/7. She needs round the clock nursing care, and we made sure she gets it (we took care of her single handedly for the last 6 years). When she is coherent she hates being in a nursing home, but refuses to leave now, even for a short visit. She insists she can't even sit up for more than a few minutes and is going to spend the rest of her life flat on her back getting bedsores. Our problem is, that my husbands relatives (grown kids, brothers, etc.) are very angry with us for putting her in a nursing home. Everyone of them were too busy to help with her for even a few minutes or a couple of hours. Too busy to call her or us. Too busy to help care for her, but not to busy to suggest hiring personal nurses to care for her at home. They changed their minds about that quick enough after reminders that we would of course be splitting her bills for this with all her other kids. But, everyone still thinks that we should have 'found a way' to care for her at home. No matter what. No matter that my husband and I are both disabled to a degree, struggling financially ourselves even though we've been supporting her for years without even an offer of help. Why do family members do nothing but criticize? They want to be in on any decisions but not in on the work, hassle, dirty diapers, money costs, late nights, STRESS!!!!, etc... The decision to put her there was very very hard for us, and she even agrees that she needs to be there. She just doesn't like the fact that she needs to be there. Like it's our fault and we should be able to correct this situation for her and she could be all better and come home. Some of her grandkids have the nerve to say we should have taken care of her no matter what. No matter what. Our physical, financial and mental collapse means nothing. Only their opinion. What I wish I had the courage to say is: "Hey, if you really think we're doing things wrong and she should be taken care of by family NO MATTER WHAT, then let me know when you will have her room and nursing care set up and we will bring her to you to take care of." But she will be gone soon and we will have them around much much longer. And telling them that would only ruin relationships with them. Why is it that the people who do absolutely nothing useful to help are the first ones to inform you when you are 'doing it all wrong'.

Why can't men controll there anger and now I'm all worked up! I hate when he yells around our 4 month old and scares her!!!!

This boy He liked me and he asked me out and i wasn't sure cuz he was a bastard. now i love him and he doesn't love me. Im SOOO hurt. I love him.

I have just found this place while lookin through the web just as i am sure most others have found it also and i must say that i am amazed. The anger and frusration which a person can have in a lifetime is funny since once you get down to it if writing on a wall makes you feel better then wasnt the problem not so big after all. The answer to everyones problems is not god or a religion, a gun or a knife, or even complaints! The only way to get out of the misery in your life is to rise above the problem and realize that you are in control, because you are. It is everyones life to live and everyones got to handle reality differently. A person can be all they want to be and can solve any problem which comes their way if they choose to rise above. -Matt Shepard

My Mom loved me up to the point where my dad told her he had been having a 2 year affair & that I had been going out with & on Holiday with them both & kept it a secret from her. I was 9 years old !. After that my Mother stopped cuddling me & replaced it with hate & nastyness. My father moved out & lived with this other woman, he constantly made me lie & this other woman was very very nasty to me. Hence now @ 38 years old I have had a break down. Its taken me 6 months to get to the point of recognising that the break down is caused by deep deep anger. I am now stiving to release this anger & get on with my life. F*ck all of them the abusive bast*ards.

My Mom loved me up to the point where my dad told her he had been having a 2 year affair & that I had been going out with & on Holday with them both & kept it a secret from her. I was 9 years old !. After that my Mother stopped cuddling me & replaced it with hate & nastyness. My father moved out & lived with this other woman, he constantly made me lie & this other woman was very very nasty to me. Hence now @ 38 years old I have had a break down. Its taken me 6 months to get to the point of recognising that the break down is caused by deep deep anger. I am now stiving to release this anger & get on with my life. F*ck all of them the abusive bast*ards.

The angel is cleaning shit, Oh, but because I'm an angel should I Say "Holy shit".

my mother has AD for the last 4 years i have been sharing caring for her with my sister i am married with two children. my husband does not want my mother to stay anymore we have had her living on and off with us for the last 10 years. i told my sister that my husband does not want my mother back and her disease is getting worse and we should look for a nursing home and she has told me that i am cruel and not taking care of my responsibility and that i should tell my husband to go to hell and look after my mother. she is not talking to me now because it is her turn to have my mother and she knows mom has to go into care and she is blaming me i feel so sick inside the guilt is getting to me i cant sleep everyone wants me to think of them i feel guilty but i can't do it why do people make you feel guilty i am 45 years old and i have lived most of my life pleasing my family my husband and my children i am so tired of everything.i have done my best but it is never enough i was seriously ill three months suspected cancer but thank god everything is ok now but no one was there for me not my family friends no one and i think of all the times i dropped everything for everyone and i had to get out of bed look after my mother my husband and my children after i got home from hospital after having major surgery i suppose it is my own fault if you expect nothing you don't get disappointed.

I have been so angry. I have took care of Mom since Dad died in 1986. My husband and I moved into her small place cause she didnt want to leave it. Finally in 90 I bought a new home and told her she could stay in her place if she wanted but that we were moving into new home. Same land a stone throw from her place. She moved in with us cause she didnt want to be alone. For the first few years of corse she didnt like it. It wasnt hers. I explained yes it was hers it was ours together. The past few years she has went downhill. You have to take each day as it comes. I know I am going to lose her and at times this would seem a relief. I will miss her so very much I cry just thinking about it. Its the anger I hate in myself. But after reading this wall and the other posts on board..I now know that anger is a normal part of being a caregiver. My sister came cause Mom has been layed up not able to walk and sick with every thing she eats. My sister slept most of the time ... I found myself cooking and waiting on her as well as my Mom. She didnt offer to do one set of dishes the 4 days she was here. I was soooooo angry. I kept it inside so not to cause a scene and make Mom feel worst. i know sister has a rough life and I wouldnt want to walk in her shoes. I really feel she made the 4 days she was here worst for Mom and me.

my husbands ex-wife (divorsed 5 years ago) is a freaking psyco!!!!! they have a daughter (E) together, she's 16 now. this woman is a drug addicted alcoholic. she starts drinking as soon as she wakes up and doesn't stop until she passes out. she had a baby with her last boy friend and a few times passed out right on top of him. not to mention all the times she has beat up (E). she is so violent and is always looking for an exuse to call us and either bitch or wine. (at 3am) about three months ago (E) (who i claim as my daoughter because of this) was at her house... she (psyco)came home loaded and started hiting and pushing (E) and her boyfriend around, the baby is screeming, they call the police, psyco is arrested. we get the phone call that shes in jail because (E) put her there for no reason... that (E) is ungrateful and that she is a bitch. (E) hasn't talked to her much at all. (E's) grandmother is calling all the time saying that (E) has no right to ignore her mother and that if anything (E) should be helping her more. psyco has been pulling crap like this everyday since (E) was 7 years old. Hitting, slapping, shaking and throwing her. can you see why (E) doesn't want to talk to her or see her. she has lived in 8 places in 5 years. now she lives 3 min. away from us. we just found out yesturday that because she is so worried all the time about (E) ... because they arn't talking.... that psyco is now parking at the end off our street and watching our house. like all the time. she hasn't worked in over 2 years now. and hasn't paid a dime of child support (and she is court ordered to pay a whoppping get this $10.00 per week) and she hasn't paid ANYTHING!!!!! sshe has called the police and child services on us saying that we are keeping (E) from calling her and that WE are verbally and physically abusing (E) so if anyone else knows a way to reduse stress please tell me how to keep calm. and how to keep (E) calm.

FUCK THE PROGRAMMING LECTURER!

I AM VERY ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!FUCK EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am the only one helping to take care of my husband who has had 4 heart attacks and a brain stem stroke. He needs care 24-7 none of the kids come to see him or call. He is different but he is still their father. When they do come around they act like he's a freak. He loves them very much sure things have changed,they could help once in awhile, I am so tired by the end of each day. But I am here for my darling husband of 41 years.

To "become an Angel"? That is a dreamworld. The entire family had the feast, and now you are stuck with the check. That is what it boils down to. You better believe I feel resentment, I feel compassion towards her, but sometimes I find myself thinking some uncharitable thoughts. Angry yes, illiterate, no.

Who said you weren't able to feel resentment? I said greedy, childish, selfish, do-nothing people screw up a family and make it impossible for people to become their best. These disrespectful ones make an environment where it impossible for anyone to become an Angel. It sounds like you know this, like you're living this just like me. I have a right to express my opinion here, so don't attack me again you illiterate sack of garbage. Think before attacking. You piss me off.

Hey holier than thou - yeah, families should respect each other, but that is tough when only one member of the family is doing all the work. Maybe if there was respite for the main caregiver, and shared workload by all family members, there wouldn't be all this anger. Do you get it now? This is an ANGER wall, the people in here do care for and respect their sick parent, how many in here do you think has "raided" their sick parents funds? I got a news flash for ya, alot of us in here, myself included, have a parent without funds. Even if I lacked scruples and wanted to raid it, there isn't any. I show her compassion by cooking her meals, giving her meds, running her bath, helping her dress, blah blah blah- Am I not allowed to feel resentment at all? Don't even try to make me or anyone else in here feel guilty you arrogant sack of shit.

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I have a boyfriend in Colorado, and I live in New York. We are only apart for the summer and we have been together everyday since January, so this is damn near killing me. We only talk twice a week on the phone, and I consider these times to be sacred you know? I almost didn't go bowling with my friends tonight for my best friends birthday so I could be home to call him. He is 2 hours being me. For example, right now it is 3:32 in the morning here, only 1:30 there. I did go bowling, but was back in more than enough time to call, 15 minutes early I might add. And what do I see on my away message? He forgot that he was hanging with his buddy tonight, so he won't be home later. He'll be online late tonight(which is why I'm still here, cause I want to talk to him about it) and he'll just talk to me later. Great, so I, his girlfriend of 8 months gets pushed aside for a friend of 3 weeks. a friend that he sees everyday cause they work together. AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH. I just need to talk to him, and it's hard cause we're not always online at the same time. Thanks, I had to get that out

Oh my goddess, a place where I can vent and not be afraid to show the ugly feelings? Yes. This is good right now. I am so angry that my spouse is sick, and in pain, and feels isolated. I am tired of working so hard at my new job to provide us with more money to afford her care. I am tired of getting up at 5:00 to do some quiet things around the house, pack my lunch, get dressed, make coffee for her to share with me for a few minutes before I have to leave at 6:15 and drive an hour, take a bus then work 9 hours, go home and then do the cooking, the cleaning, laundry, shopping and care giving. I am tired of her live-in 20 year old daughter not helping but rather taking the biggest portion of food, never even rinsing off her dish after dinner, whining about not having friends, and then shutting herself off in her bedroom and either being on the computer or watching crap TV. I know that many of her behavior traits were ingrained long before I came on the scene five years ago, but I tell you I am sick and tired of the "woman-child". Woman when she wants to be taken to an evening event or spend money on frivolous beauty things, and child when she wants her mommy to love and cuddle her. I am tired of hearing from my spouse that the house looks like a pig stye when she wants me to come home and visit with her, sit on the couch and watch TV after dinner. She doesn't like me to get up and do the myriad of things that need to be done in order to keep the house clean and orderly. This morning when she called to say that she was in pain and wanted to rest, but couldn't because the house looked like a pig stye and the plummber was coming over to fix the drain in back, I wanted to scream that it wouldn't look so messy, i.e. the floors needed vacuuming and the kitchen floor needed to be swept (the rest is clean though), anyway it wouldn't look that way if she wouldn't guilt me into sitting and visiting with her instead of actually cleaning the house, or if her brat daughter would clean something once in a while without being bribed or begged. I am tired of the feeling that I am working my ass off but that it is never enough. I know that I am sensitive to the pig stye words and the feeling that if you are physically capable and you don't participate in the responsibilities of the household then you don't get the privileges of the household. The old Henny Penny story about not contributing means not sharing in the bounty. If that were the case I think her daughter would probably only eat one meal a week, if that. In the five years we have been together, that child has cooked dinner maybe three times. She has done the dishes on an average of once per month, and has vacuumed maybe once per month. Cleaned the bathroom? cleaned her room? helped with yard work? well that isn't something even worth counting in the long haul. I guess I am wondering why it is that they tell me how much they struggled and got along with keeping up with things before I came along and now they can't seem to keep anything together. I suppose it is because my spouse became ill and her daughter is used to being spoiled. There I said it, her mother spoiled her and I am now the one to bear the brunt of those actions. I really hate the bitch. I know I am supposed to love her and care for her as my own, but I gotta say that if she were my child from day one, she would never have gotten away with this bull. She would never have been allowed to be so lazy and self-entitled. I am just feeling abused and taken for granted. I hope that it wasn't all some ploy to snag me before the sickness became so great so that they would have a safe provider and hard worker. I am angry and suspicious. I know that I am loved and valued, but that pig stye remark this morning made me furious. Could you tell? Anyway, I am glad for this wall and for the fact that I can see that others have had the same anger that I have had and that we aren't some terrible ogre for having the feelings. I want to continue to be the provider, but I think I need to set down some ground rule (which may be too late) to get some help from the brat child bitch and also have time to do the very things that will keep the house from being the so-called pig stye. Yep, tonight I am gonna talk to them both. Thanks for this venue where I can let off some steam! Now maybe I won't need to feel like I want to hurt them or me and I can accomplish the kind of household we both desire. Breath, in and out. Let it go, vent it out.

i am so angry with everything right now i could kick my boyfriend in his head because he is more worried about what his friends think of me than he is worried about me! but i choose to stay with him. it also makes me mad that all the people that have problems with me used to treat me like there best friends now all of a sudden they hate me and BARK AT ME JUST BECAUSE I AM DIFFERENT. i may not be beautiful and i may not be the best girl in the world but i deserve respect because i give respect to everyone. it hurts, it hurts a lot and they do it even more just because they know it hurts. well to tell you the truth i am so sick of it and i am done with being nice.they don't even know the real me so how can they judge who i am--who are they to critisize when i have so much more going for me than they do--i'm not the one hooked on drugs and beer i am not the one failing out of school, i am not the one who treats people like that. and i am so angry with myself for letting it get to me like this but i can't take it anymore it makes me want to dropout so i won't have to deal with it. but i am not going to because school is my only ticket away from all of them and this dumb ass city. its bad enough i have to deal with my father screaming amd yelling all the time and to top it of i have S.A.D which makes it worse--i hate being so friggin abnormal. ok i think i am done now.

What has happened in our society that so many people are mentally and spiritually unhealthy and uncompassionate? Grown adults with the emotional strength of children---unable to "handle" a sick parent, being useless in a family crisis, running, checking out. Grown adults looting the assets of their sick parents, losing whatever shred of character they have left for some cash. Grown adults unable to see any other view point than their own, unable to see appreciate what anyone else is going through. Grown adults who lack the understanding to see the disease and instead blame the victim. Around the sick person, adults battle to the very end. Adults who are running or being martyrs, or sending messages, or "teaching", or ignoring or taking. Where is the Angel? The person who is able to see the victim, feel compassion for the victim even when the disease is raging full force, who can still see the person, who can care and tend for the person? I think this Angel can only be found in a family where the people respect each other. Otherwise, everybody is screwed.

Good to hear others in my boat...my s-i-l has spent her life taking the parents...refinanced their home twice& kept the money...sold it and kept the money...claimed to pay for pops funeral and would not share cost of the mom with severe alzheimers. Now we are in end stage...the s-i-l has managed to confiscape around 5000 from s s and we find out no long term facilities will accep[t the old destructive bat... I am stuck with her...I have had no life for the last 2 years ...Our daughter 'granny-sits' so I can at least go to church where I just keep asking god why in the hell is this happening? When is it all enough?

Her youngest son (almost 40) came by while I was at work, and the sitter was watching my wife. The sitter told me he sat on the floor beside her chair and cried. His mother had no idea who he was, but I know that he is a worthless piece of shit for not helping with her care and was in the area only due to a job he had to do. No special trip to see his mother. He and his brother live 30 minutes away. He told the sitter he couldn’t stand to see her like this. Too damn bad, I do it everyday and night. He has never, I repeat never in the last 3 ½ years ask what he could do, and the same thing for his older brother. The last time he came by to visit her was Nov. 2000. He has seen her since then, but only because his sister takes her by his house. I loaned him money two times in past, without repayment. The last loan was to keep his house from being foreclosed on. From what I understand of these type of people is that he will most likely feel a guilt like he has never felt when she dies, and he comes to terms with the fact that he abandoned his dying mother. If he does not realize it, I will be most happy to remind him.

Who ever came up with this wall is a God send. THANK YOU!!! Like sooo many of you out there, I too gave up my job and LIFE to take care of my mother who has ahlzhimers (or how ever in the hell you spell it). Anger?? Where do I start?? First off, Mother has never been what a person would call a loving and caring person. Sure, it makes me sad to see her slipping away, I cry (alot) to see her in the state that she's in. But what really tears at my heart is the fact that she has never been kind and loving like most moms. Not to me and my brothers anyway. But ALL ways to my sister. My sister "Borrowed" something like $15,000 from her and now has, ooops, forgotten that. She lives only 5 miles away and has visited mother 4 times with in the last two years. Yet, mother just has to run over to her house every other day. Today, I cought mother givng her $50.00. The damn f***ing bitch was taking it, until she seen me standing there. Mother is on Social Secerity and sister has drained every penny the old lady has. But what really sends me into a fit is how mother kisses my sisters ass and her daughters asses yet will kick my kids out of the house in the middle of the night. Yes, when she doe's that, mother knows perfectly well who they are. I hate my mother for that!!!! I hate her for being so Fucken selfish and not realizing what all I gave up to help her sorry ass. When mother is coherent, I talk to her about this shit. She say's that she dosen't need my help and can still do things for herself. F'en hey!!!! Like how she put plastic in the oven and melted it all over??? For the love of God! I was outside talking with my ex and I come in 5 minutes later and the house smells so damn bad from that plastic....Take care of herself!!! My ass! Also, the banking!!!! and the bill paying!!! what is up with that shit??? "It's my money!!!! Not yours!" she say's. Yea right! she dosen't even remeber what the hell the cable service is called or where their at. She ran up a $250.00 tab at the pharmacy and forgot all about that!!! I think the very worse things about this situation is: 1: Mother has NO respect for my adult kids and my ex (who would do anything for the old bitch) 2: My greedy sister refuses to help but will fuck the old lady over 3: How I gave up my job, my house that I was in the middle of purchasing, my family who I now have to live 25 miles a way from 4: How all 5 of my adult siblings will tell me that I need to take breaks from taking care of mom, yet NOT ONE of the assholes will step up to the plate so that I can get way for even two minutes. But the thing that just breaks my heart the very-very most is knowing that my mother never did love me the way a mother should. I know this, because I love my adult children and I never ever once treated them the way mother treated me as a child or adult. It makes me sick just to think of treating them that way. And here I am. I am the one taking care of this women. Why? Because I was hoping that maybe she could see that I am not her enemy, that I never was. All I ever wanted was for her to love me. I now know that this will never happen. My father passed away in 2000. We were very close and I miss him soooo badly. If I could of had it my way, I would of wanted mother dead, not Pa. When I moved into Mothers house (She refuses to move), it was so dirty that she even had bugs. It took me three months to clear out just the first floor and clean it up. She poops on the toilet set, dosen't wash her ass the right way but refuses to let me give her a tub bath even though she get's sores on her ass. I am soooo willing to make her life such a good one. But she refuses. I am actually thinking of giving up and having the Greedy Sister take over. I know she won't cuz mother has no money left to take. Greedy Sister even took Pa's life insurance away and all mother has is $2,000 for her own funneral. I can't save her any money cuz she ether blows it or gives it to Greedy Sister. I have to sneak and pay her bills for the love of God. Like I say, I really am thinking of giving up. I will give Power of Attorney over to who ever and I will walk away from ALL of them. But it hurts soooo bad inside knowing that even though I have done what I so far have done, mother dosen't appreciate it at all.

You know, i typed a long story of my problems and now that i read it, i for somereason feel better. so i cleared it all, and now typing this thank you note for this site. for letting me vent my problems. Thank You

I was supposed to get a break from another family member next month, but was just informed that they can't do it now, because of personal problems. What about my problems? I guess I've been doing this for these past few years, they figure I will handle it. The only vacation I will ever get is if I get sent to the loony-bin. That sounds good right about now.

It's not the sick people who are assholes. It's not the sick people who are bastards. It's not the sick people who should stir hatred. No, it is the selfish, self centered, thoughtless family members who decide to hate sick people and run run run scared from the responsibility and leave the one person who has a little humanity to bear all the burden. If all family members contributed, no one person would be overburdened...so any family member who runs and cops out--you are the real destructive, ruinous part of this disease. It is you more than anyone or anything who is causing misery and suffering. The people who do nothing--suck

i am 22 years old. i have been married less than two years. My grandfather knocked on my door twelve times yesterday, he lives next door. he brought me all his pants as a gift. an hour later he needed them back because he had shit himself twice. his daughter won't allow him to be put in a home, she won't hire someone to come in and care for him. so she drives here for dinner each night unless she's out of town, and goes on her merry way. in the meantime, this crazy old bastard is driving me nuts. how am i supposed to live? he knocks on my door every hour, everyone in town seems to think i can do something about his poor driving, crazy dog, bad manners, etc. the grocery store, the local restaurant, the bank, everywhere i go i hear about it. and if it were up to me, i would absolutely put him somewhere with 24 hour care. but his daughter won't hear of it. he is 89 and she is 65 and i think maybe they both need to go somewhere. it's awful because i have always been very close to my grandfather, and now i feel like i am waiting for him to die. because my life is going to be like this until he's dead. and i hate it that i feel that way about him. and i hate him. and my aunt. and the sixteen other grandchildren and great grandchildren who haven't been here once since this all started. i feel like my life is on hold. my marriage is centered around this old man like he's our child. we have no time alone. when do i get my chance to be a normal young person with a normal life? i'm not sure i know what it's like to have a normal life. i want to be able to be at home and relax. i relax more at work because i know that fucking asshole won't be knocking on my door to tell me how much he doesn't want to interfere with my life. why won't she put him in a home? because it doesn't fucking bother her.i hate her.

what is the point of writing anything here if it's just going to be deleted? where can one go to vent the ugliest feelings? Nowhere.

to living in hell: i dont understand why isnt he locked up? they gave him bail?? i cant see any judge in their right mind giving him custody of children he's supposed to have molested. sounds like you need a good atty to fight for your girls. now you know. your girls couldnt suffer in silence any longer. they need your protection, extra doses of love and someone to fight on their behalf. this guy cant get away that. he was a wolf in sheep's clothing but whats in the dark will come out in the light. your girls need you now and it's not your fault. he wasnt the one. GOD bless! you take care of yourself and your girls!

8 YEARS AGO I MET "THE MAN OF MY DREAMS", TOGATHER WE BUILT A BEAUTIFUL FAMILY, HIS THREE AND MY THREE{CHILDREN}HE HAS A GOOD JOB AND I RECENTLY PURCHASED THE BAR I'VE BEEN WORKING AT FOR THE LAST 61/2 YEARS.. THINGS ARE GREAT..WE HAVE REALLY COME A LONG WAY , FROM THE DRUG ADDICTS WE WERE WHEN WE MET!!THE PERFECT COUPLE , EVERYONE SAY'S , HE DOESNT EVEN LOOK AT OTHER GIRL'S {WHEN IM AROUND ANYWAY} 2 1/2 WEEKS AGO MY 13 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER CAME TO ME AND TOLD ME THAT HE HAS BEEN TOUCHING HER , THEN MY OTHER 2 GIRLS 17 & 18 , CAME WITH THE SAME INFORMATION...MY WORLD IS CRUSHED ,I HAVE BEEN A MESS FOR THE LAST 2 WEEKS .. THE POLICE ARE INVOLVED AND HE IS OUT OF THE HOME , HE SWARE'S IT ISNT TRUE{OF COURSE}THE INVESTAGATOR HAS ENOUGH INFORMATION THAT SHE 100% BELIVES IT IS TRUE AND IS GOING FOR A CONVICTON.. 3 CHARGES OF CHILD MOLESTATION 2..THE HARDEST PART {BESIDES THE OBVIOUS} IS THE THREE YOUNGER KIDS {HIS} ALL THEY HAVE IS HIM AND ME ..THERE MOTHER HASNT CONTACTED US IN FIVE YEARS{STRUNG OUT}IVE BEEN WITH THESE KIDS SINCE THEY WERE 1,3,& 4 .. THEY ARE MINE.. UNFORTUNATLY THE LAW DOESNT SEE IT THAT WAY, IF HE TAKES THEM FROM ME , THEY WILL PUT THEM IN A FOSTER HOME ,IF ANY "BIOLOGICAL" MEMBER WANTS TO THEY CAN TAKE THEM FROM ME TOO..SO , I AM HERE DIEING INSIDE , AND LIVING A LIE , I HAVENT TOLD HIM THAT I BELIVE MY CHILDREN , BECAUSE I'M AFFRAID HE WILL TAKE THE KIDS..SO I HAVE TO BOTTLE IT UP INSIDE ME AND LOOK HIM IN THE EYE'S EVERYDAY.. AND I HAVENT TOLD THE LITTLE ONES WHATS GOING ONE, SO EVEN WHEN IM HOME I HAVE TO HIDE IT..THANKS LIVING IN HELL

Is something wrong with this page? Or are there limitations on the hate we can express here? I hate my sister and vividly expressed my anger and hatred here yesterday. Now, it is gone. Why?????

I am glad you will have some peace now, you have made the right decision for the both of you. The time you will have with her will truly be quality time now.

why, why, why????? I hate this, I hate this, I hate this!!! Just don't get up this morning!!! Just don't wake up!!! Just "go for it" . . . Go for the BIG Sleep!!!!

to the people who answered me-at this point she's in hospital w/dehydration, urinary track infection, yeast infection and itchy rash. high sugar due to diabetes. she will not be coming home. had started the process of nh placement before this. she needs nursing care i cannot provide, she needs structured activities,a place to wander, pick up things, put down things, other people to see other than me, a tailored diet, meds given correctly and if any side effects dealt with in a nursing setting not when i can take off to get to doctor. w/work w/hospital social worker to get her admitted to home and pray that it works out. FOR HER SAKE. so she doesnt have to suffer my anger,guilt or frustration. so she can be happy and i can be her daughter. it was hard for me to let go but today i did. when i left she was sleeping w/smile on face because they are able to give her medicine to make her feel better inside and out and if she gets worse during night they donthave to call 911. the care is there. i can sleep tonight knowing i dont have to w/one eye open in case she's drinking soap, eating beads or unlocking that front door. yea i feel gulity but i'd feel worse if she suffered just so i can hold on to her. holding on to what? i apologized to her for hitting her,laid my head on her and weeped. she kissed me and said she loved me. i think she understood. just like i think she understood when she spit at me, kicked me, slapped me and pushed me that she didnt mean it. the psychological crap ad takes both caregiver and lo is a trip! i'm exhausted and going to bed. goodnight!



IT WAS NOT MY FAULT. I AM JUST THE APPRENTICE. DON'T RAISE YOUR VOICE AT ME OR I WILL SCREAM. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

To the person who said they hated themselves because they were abusive... maybe I can help. The things your mother is doing sounds like the same things my mother does, I understand! A while ago, I got a couple of ideas that ended up solving a few HUGE HUGE problems. First, my mother used to try to leave the house, and when I tried to stop her she became furious and it always turned into a big fight. The solution: I put locks on all the doors. In the beginning you needed an inside key, but now she is at the stage where just a little hook that you have to push is too complicated for her get open. When she says, "I'm leaving", I say cheerfully, "OK, I'll be here when you get back!". Then I continue about my business while I hear her trying to get the door open, finally she gats frustrated and gives up. In the beginning when she knew a key was needed, I'd say, "no, i think the lock is open, i think the door might be stuck, i don't know where the key is." We might have this exchange about 3 times, but then she gives up. The whole thing is over in 5 minutes. No fight. AS FAR AS DRINKING CLEANERS, I put a child lock on two large cabinets and keep everything dangerous in there. Easy for me to open in a snap, too complicated for her. I also, got a special appliance extension cord so I can easily unplug stove in between meals. Basically, I TOTALLY CHILD PROOFED the house, which has unbelievably changed the quality of life for everyone. I can literally just let her do almost anything because everything is put away...just like you would do if you had a toddler. There are times she gets up at night and i hear her puttering around, fooling with the doors, and I just stay in bed with an ear open, not worrying because i know everything is secure. Our glass dishes are stored away and we now use unbreakable corel, and unbreakable glasses. AS FAR AS POOP GOES, she wears a diaper..all accidents are contained. I hope these ideas help you like they did me. PREVENTING alot of the crazy stuff really helped improve tempers and moods in our house. The changes and slight inconveniences were totally worth the end of many battles. Of course there are still many many many mnay mnay mnay many many mnay mnay problems. sigh.

When the parent is no longer coherent, when the caregiver is taking care of them solely out of guilt, when it is bringing down the quality of the lives of the children and spouse of the caregiver, when the caregiver knows it is killing them, and the AD sufferer doesn't know their own surroundings, family, how to take care of themselves, how to tell the difference between the toilet and anywhere else in the house, then YES!!! give them up. They will be much better cared for in a controlled enviroment! When that moment comes, I will give her up to controlled care, and NO ONE IN THIS SITE WILL MAKE ME FEEL BAD FOR IT!

no i cant or i wouldnt have held on this long. it was a very difficult decision to decide to place her but this anger wall is where we vent out innermost feelings. the feelings we have that we dont tell any support group, friends or anyone except here lest they think we're horrible people. that's why it's anger w/out guilt. what i wrote i honestly felt at 5am after not sleeping for 24 hours. now if you want to judge that so be it. anybody who doesnt have at wits end, about to have a nervous breakdown dealing w/the behaviors, angry at ad, angry at person w/ad, angry w/GOD for allowing ad to happen,angry at so-called professionals who know less than caregivers, so called friends who arent there for you,caregivers angry at themselves for losing control, family members who dont show up, cant shut up or f**K up when they do is either lying or needs psych care themselves for DENIAL! please dont come here to try and make us feel bad for what's posted here! if you cant handle what's posted here then visit some other sight where angry feelings arent welcomed! alot of us would crack up if this wasnt here.



Sometimes parents give up their kids. Can you give up a parent.

i am writing to 2 people: 1st one is the single parent who cant afford day care. in your state there should be a area agency for aging. if your mothers income qualifies she may be able to get adult day for free as well as transportation. they may have serveral income based programs she may qualify for. please check it out. a home health aide may also be paid for thru them.they'll want to know about her income and assets. strictly hers your income is not involved. if not state then your local city aging agency, try them as well. 2: the person who hates herself and wants to end it all when her mother passes. dont you do it! that may be when you can begin to live your life all over again. why? because you'll have the sweet freedom to do so. if you kill yourself, you'll never know what you could have done,where you could have gone or what you can be. hang in there just a little longer. i hear that you're burntout and that you cant even summon up the strength to claim your life back when she passes. little by little, one day at a time you'll rediscover YOU! DONT LET HER TAKE IT ALL!! DONT DO IT,PLEASE!! REDISCOVER YOUR HOPES, DREAMS, AND PASSION. DISCOVER NEW ONES. YOU'LL NEVER KNOW THIS IF YOU KILL YOUR SELF. you can hate yourself anymore than i hate who i've become i was abusive today.