I feel so frustrated. Just got into an arguement with my dad. He is so stubborn. Stubborn like an old mule. The worst thing is that we work together. It just irks me that he can't be understanding and see other people's point of view. To him, anything I do is never good enough. It has taken a toll on me after all these years. This adds onto the already crappy stuff I have to put up with on a daily basis. I have strong feelings of hopelessness. I think I hide it very well, as my family and friends do not have the faintest idea of how I truly feel. Although I am smiling on the outside, they don't understand how much hurt I feel inside. I never had any luck in my life. It just happened to be that way. Nothing ever went my way. I was always the one who got shafted or the short end of the stick if you will. But hey, I've come to terms with the fact that those were the cards I was dealt and basically...dealt. But increasingly over the months, I have just felt so cheated. I've tride to cope with the idea of a man makes his own destiny. But gosh, throw me a bone or something. More so than many things, I feel very lonely. Its a feeling of emptiness. Boy oh boy, its probably one of the worst feelings one could ever have. I have a couple of close friends, a girlfriend, but for some god unknown reason I feel like I am missing something still. I can honestly admit that this girlfriend has caused so much pain and distress in my life throughout the years. At one time, I loved her so much that it hurt to ponder any idea of not being with her. Then without a care in the world she broke my heart into infinity. I have since reconciled with her, but its not the same. I think its my way of trying to fill the void. The thing is, I can't let my self become free of this. I think I want her to love me more than I love her. Everday I see her or talk to her, it takes my all to give her my trust again, my heart again. I have been thinking alot lately about just giving everything up. just disappear without a trace. Move to some small town in a different country or something. Cut all my ties with this environment that brings me so much angst.