quote:

Originally posted by Bobcat:
Hello slms, and welcome to ECO. I have no experience with that helpline but I hope yours was not a typical one. Agreed, people who are calling a hotline should at least find a voice on the other end of the line that has a caring tone.

Does your father live with you? Is the abuse a sudden new behavior? I will say that most of the time AD is the diagnosis when all else is ruled out. Dementia may be a symptom of strokes, depression, drug or alcohol problems, trauma to the head, nutritional deficiencies, bad reaction to new meds or an interaction between meds, an infection,,, ok, you get the drift.

A full inpatient geriatric evaluation is the best way to go if that can be arranged.

Are you or anyone in physical danger? Even verbal abuse is difficult to handle. Remind yourself it is his disease. Breathe,,,it is very important for caregivers to take a moment to collect themselves, breathe deep, vent when necessary. Glad you found us. Hang in there.

quote:

Originally posted by Bunnys_grl:
(((slms))) welcome in
Im so very sorry your first experience with a helpline was so piss poor I cant even believe it!
A helpline is most assuredly for help not some jackass with a chip on his shoulder doling out sarcasm instead of the job he was hired to do and thats deliver verbal advice in a compassionate manner to a person who is obviously having a rough time of it.
If this was a Suicide prevention hotline and you got that type of response...well lets just say chitty chitty bang bang....

Ok now for the advice portion of this segment my dear...
Sit up straight take some deep cleansing breaths crack a couple of knuckles *pop pop*
Ew now dont that feel just a leedle bit better?!
Waitaminute lemme go for anudder *pop pop*
Man thats the ticket
Ok go grab your beverage of choice walk on over to new caregivers meeting room and introduce yourself and tell us what is going on with dad cause this yella type is about to send me thru the roof! Kidding but really introduce yourself and your dad we are here and more than willing to lend a shoulder and dole out some hard earned wisdom about what to do next.

quote:

Originally posted by Moms_Buddy:
Welcome slms!
First, I hope you'll just take a real, deep breath - you're in for quite a ride and it's real important to care for yourself first so that you have the patience & energy to deal with the mad, mad, mad world of eldercare!!

I'm sorry you had an unfullfilling experience when you called a help line. I dunno what happened, but I do know that their helpline is staffed by volunteers - some may be excellent; others may not be so excellent. I HOPE that you will contact them directly with your complaints as they really are a great group of folks and do try very diligently to serve the needs of the Alzheimer's community. Unfortunately, there is nothing we can do to help you with another site nor organization. We generally do not participate in cross-site criticism, which is why I removed the link and site name from your message.

What we CAN offer you is a forum of volunteers who "walk the walk, and talk the talk." Few of us are professionals or work in the industry, but among all of us, we can usually help folks find assistance or point them in a direction where they can find help. We don't offer a chat room nor a 24 hour helpline, but messages posted here are generally viewed and answered within hours of being posted. While I understand that sometimes folks feel overwhelmed and feel a need to reach out and touch someone immediately, we don't offer such a service. There are local, state and national helplines that serve that function, as well as online chat rooms, etc.

So let's get back on track...
Please go to the New Caregiver's Meeting Room forum and introduce yourself and tell us a little about you, the person for whom you are caring and the problems you are experiencing. I think you'll find after reading here that ECO is full of caring individuals who stand ready to support and assist you as you navigate your way through this difficult time in life.

I hope you are feeling better and that things don't seem quite so overwhelming to you today! Looking forward to getting to know you and yours.

quote:

Originally posted by Melissa M.:
Hi Slms. Welcome to the forum.

I feel your frustration with the hotline. While caring for my parents, I found the process of seeking information to be very hit or miss Perhaps part of the problem is that so many of the professionals in the "system" move on fairly quickly and dont' have the time to learn what resources are available. Whatever the reason, experiences like yours are extremely frustrating when you're stressed out, dealing with a situation that is unfamiliar to you, and need help.

There is help out there, but it can require detective work and persistence to find it. On this site, if you browse around, you'll find information and advice on a wide variety of subjects, and members can offer you suggestions and /or emotional support. Finding help more specific to where you live could be more difficult, but don't give up! If you do check out a support group, you should find people who have already done legwork and can tell you what they've learned is available.

General suggestions... you say your father has dementia. Dementia is a symptom of a disease, not a disease in and of itself. Has your father been diagnosed by a neurologist with Alzheimer's specifically? There are certain meds that might be able to help with your father's aggression, but he needs a definite diasnosis or the meds might not help and could actually make things worse. Internists can be a little too quick to tag our elders with the Alzheimer's diagnosis, but there are other health problems and disease that can cause dementia, and not all are created equal. There are also techniques you can use to help calm your father - for example, distracting him when he's becoming agitated might help calm him before he gets too aggressive.

Other ideas. You might try calling your Area Agency on Aging ( assuming you have one since I don't know where you're from). Elder Law Attornies may be able to offer resources,and- if there are any potential legal or financial issues - can help you with those as well. You might check and see if there are Geriatric Case Managers available to you. I've not used them, have known people who did get a lot of help from them, but I do not know enough about them to say if they would be helpful, or a good option, for your situation. Even checking with Social Workers at local NHs can provide leads. Keep in mind , the level of experience and caring from any one individual you talk to will always make a difference, so if one turns out to be like your useless helpline person, don't give up. There are competent and caring people out there.

Do hope you'll keep posting and let us know how it's going with you. There are some mighty fine people here who will help you every way they can. It does help to know more about your situation - like, is it you and a spouse, or you and your mother caring for your father? Any sibs involved? So much in a caregiver's individual situation can affect how this journey goes, so - if you feel comfy with it - please tell us more.

I wish you well, and I'm sorry for the experience you had.