Pulled my back out yesterday...bad! I'm mostly bedridden. Thank God my mom is doing a little better with depression over loss of dad 3 months ago. She starts on Exelon next week. I hate this! My mom feels so bad for me, but can't help me. I'm scared that I'm going to be laid up for a while. Hubby works 12 hours a day. Caregiver comes to cook dinner in the evenings. What do you do when the primary caregiver (that would be me) is down and out? Looking for encouragement! Thanks.
Kathleen

Kathleen, I hope that your back is healing and that you are experiencing less pain and stiffness. Having a good support structure is a godsend, but as BG pointed out, sometimes the help just doesn't exist when we need it most! When we're sick or hurt, we have a tendency to look at things through the discouraged & frightened eyes of pain and things seem pretty grim. I call it looking at the world through sh*t-covered glasses! Trouble is that sometimes, the problem is NOT with the danged glasses - it's reality that SUX!

FR, As far as your mom being incontinent - please remember that her crummy adult diapers that won't even hold baby jobs can be beefed up for a few hours by adding Poise Pads inside them to absorb adult sized doses of urine, etc. Unless you will be out of pocket for an entire day, the addition will help prevent leakage, etc. for several hours.

Alice makes a good point, but reality is more as BG and you have experienced. The Family Leave Act only covers a small number of workers in this country and then that person has to be willing and able to step in and roll up their sleeves. Personally, it wouldn't matter if my hubby were covered by that act or not - he is not a caregiver, period. Keep looking!

Oftentimes, it isn't until the stuff hits the fan that we find the resources we need. You can start with the agencies, etc. There are folks in nursing school who need money and will help with care. Think creatively! Having folks in is a pain, but they have to work on schedules and we have to realize that caring for someone in our homes has to be a compromise between what's needed and convenient for you and the time constraints of the helpers. I have found that my own "ways" are the biggest impediment to receiving help!

Don't wait until something happens - have support personnel come in every now and again when things are going "right" so they'll be familiar with your loved one and your home set-up.

Kathleen, I think it's so sweet and cute that your mom made you toast! God love her and you too!!

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Moms_Buddy,

you see FR its like this I agree with everything that Alice says but sometimes it just doesnt work that easy! People dont want to do their jobs volunteers are in short supply (then they want you to recipriocate the favor...like we have any time left) family cant or wont, friends head for the hills...the ONLY time they come outta the woodwork is when theres somethin to gain....unless you have an all weather friend whos ready willing an able (and dont mind the poop that happens! ) we are stuck with what we have most times...and thats the simple truth

quote:

Originally posted by Alice RN:
Your situation is a waving red flag for all caregivers. This is the very reason that a support system is a must!!
We must develope other resourses --
We must ask for help!!
We must take care of ourselves!!

Ask at church for volunteers to sit with mother.
Ask neigbors to sit.
Hire a highschooler to sit--do not say that mom would never go for it. It is a must that a support system is used. Do not give mom a vote in this desicion.
NurseAlice

But my prob is she is incontinent and no one wants to sit with her, nevermind change her..so i am stuck all the time..the agencies send girls to come..but at the wrong times..its such a mess ..

Your situation is a waving red flag for all caregivers. This is the very reason that a support system is a must!!
We must develope other resourses --
We must ask for help!!
We must take care of ourselves!!

Ask at church for volunteers to sit with mother.
Ask neigbors to sit.
Hire a highschooler to sit--do not say that mom would never go for it. It is a must that a support system is used. Do not give mom a vote in this desicion.
NurseAlice

Kathleen, I don't know whether your husband's employer falls under the FMLA (Family Medical Leave Act), but this is exactly what the act was designed for -- to allow someone to take time off from work to care for a family member. Ask you husband to check into it in case this ever happens again. Some small companies are exempt from the requirements, but larger companies must comply as it is a federal mandate.

Hi BG
Better today. Saw the doc and got some awesome meds for pain And muscle relaxers. Not sure how I pulled it out, but probably did some damage lifting suitcase. Duh! I have a special girdle that gives me relief. My mom has been so cute worrying about me. She made toast for me this morning. Every cloud does have a silver lining. My doc also wrote a script for 3 weeks of Physical Therapy. Thanks for encouragement. No longer po'd.
Kathleen

Oh Kathleen Im so sorry this happend to you! Its something we all here have to watch out for. Especially me I got steps all over the place here...ugh! First of all bend those knees...yeah I know easier said than done when your in a hurry.....Get yourself a weight lifting belt for times like these (and not the strech one either they are very bad for you!) I used to be Safety Coordinator for Lucky Stores out here and when those things first came out on the market they forced checkers out here to wear them...well about 85% got some sort of back problem from them and the women complained about abdominal pain when taking them off at the end of their shifts. So the best one is the leather weight belts as it gives support to you rather than binding you up. You might want to get a PT to come out and show you the step to lifting your Mom up and down and give you ideas on how to make the job a little easier. What were you doing when it went out?