This has been a very trying week to say the least. I have an update, and hope this is not too long for you to read, sorry for that!

In my last post I mentioned that my sil would not pick up my mil's groceries. This is what has happened leading up to today!

1. Sil picked up grocery list {she won't take it over the phone, whats up with that? to me it just takes more time to pick up the list?} over the weekend. By Monday night, cg was calling ME! Because both day and night cg's think that sil does not like them, or is mad at them about something. {sil's permanant attitude towards everyone} CG said there was a med that mil needed and was out of that had not been picked up. Also said there were groceries that were needed that had not been delivered.

2. Next morning, I went picked up the med, a few groc {thinking sil would probably come home with them that evening} when she did show up with them, the substitute cg, must have told her that I had picked up the cig's, the med, and the needed staples}. The next day she called the regular cg, asked her if she told me {BLUE} to get the things, when cg told her that she was off the day before and had no idea what she was talking about, Sil then told her, that people needed to be careful not to step on other feet.??? She then said....I am going to bring this list back over to you, you can cross off the things that {{BLUE}} picked up, then you can give the list to Blue and let her get the groceries!!!!
Sil did not take the list back over to Mil's until this eveing. The cg called me about 6:00pm to tell me that this had happened.

NOW! All of this time, since last Friday, my MIL has been going without food, because my sil assumed something that was not true! She dug her heels in and would not go shopping for her.

What these two idiots BIL&SIL do not get, is that the CG's could get a belly full of this drama and take it back to the agency, who in turn could take this to the APS, and turn us in. I can just see the handwriting on the wall, as to what could happen next!!! Bil came over to my house tonight as we were getting ready to go to a Christmas party,z[H was in the shower, bil would not walk in because he did not want to stay in long enough to have my H confront him} this was right before the cg had called about the grocery list...he wanted to pick up some tax info for mil. He would barely speak to me in my own home, I opened the door, invited him in, and as I was walking into the kitchen, he only came in so many steps and as I turned around, he was still standing by the door, what an idiot?????? Man, come on in and talk to me about what you need!!!!!

When the cg called to tell me what sil had done with the list, I told her not to worry, that I would get up early and go get the groceries myself!!! My H had a fit!!!!! He said ""NO"", my brother has to do this, he wanted to help, to take over some of the responsibilities, and when he and his wife found out how much work and time this consumed, they both wanted out! He is going to do this no matter what, and I am not going to put up with him and his wife and their laziness!!! Don't you dare go get the groceries!!!!!!

Sorry girls, I cannot let this little lady sit in her home and not have the food that is needed to prepare her meals!!!!! I will get the food, just for this week, my H can argue and fight with his brother over this!

But first! I am going to enlighten these two about APS, and ask them if they are prepared to deal with APS coming to pick his mother up and not telling us where they have taken her??? And I know they will do this!!!! OR, are they prepared to have charges filed on them??? Ya think that might scare them into doing this????

I am telling you, I cannot believe that grown adults are treating thier own mother this way, that they are more concerned with someone "stepping on their toes", its such a game. The kind of game that petty women play with each other in the work place, that is exactly what is happening here!!!!!

Am I on target???? I can just feel my BP going up tomorrow, when I have to explain to these two dumbsters the damage they are doing while playing this stupid game!!!!!!!

again, sorry this is so long!!!!!!

Debbie, that is a wonderful idea, but we are rural and to have groceries delivered would be costly. We are hoping that things will be resolved with this situation this week.

Thanks for the idea!

Why don't you call around and find a grocer who will deliver? Could just make it easier on everyone.

You can't change what you can't change.

Thanks everyone, through the past 12 years, I wish I had kept a journal. Never too late to start, I think it is a good idea for all of us!

quote:

Originally posted by Dan's Gal:
Just a side note here -- be sure to document, document, document!!!! You may never need it but if you do it will be one less stress item to deal with.

GOOD idear! Spoken like someone who's been there! Never hurts to keep accurate tabs just in case...

Just a side note here -- be sure to document, document, document!!!! You may never need it but if you do it will be one less stress item to deal with.

quote:

I hope is the end of the story for today!!!!!!

Me, too, Blue. You can only do what you can do - others have to find their own ways and it's so hard to stand by and watch sometimes.

PS Lack of TP is a CRISIS!! Not having at least a week's supply on hand at any given time is scary! Next time they leave her without TP, sneak into their house every night she's without and steal all THEIR TP!

Girls, thanks so much for the replies.

MB, you are right, mil had food to eat, but no TP, and things like that.

I had a long talk with sil this morning, and from everything she is telling me, things did not happen exactly the way CG's described. We are on a new page today, and I pray that people will just do their job.

I also told the cg that is her job to relay sils messages to her, not to me. Dont call me over petty things, if you have to call bil after sil did not report back, then call him. But only under dire circumstances should you call me. If I called the agency, I could get both of these cg's in trouble over not following protocol.

On the other hand, sil is still not an easy person to deal with, they are just going to have to figure out how to co-exist on this job.

H said exactly that MB, they are not to call us, they are to call bil and sil, and that I hope is the end of the story for today!!!!!!

I always end up being the peace maker, I think it is my lot in life!

Your husband was right. You should stay out of the middle of this and refer all phone calls, etc. to him. JMO...

Either do the job or stay out of the job. Instead, you are giving others your ear and involvingh yourself when they should be working all this out without your assistance. And if they don't do things the way you would do them, oh well.

I seriously doubt that your MIL had NOTHING to eat for a week! I do not believe that for a moment! Perhaps she didn't have some ffavorite foods, etc. but I doubt seriously that she missed a meal.

Let them handle this, Blue! When they call, give them your husband's number. If BIL & SIL don't do something, the next person in line is YOUR HUSBAND, not you!

Blue,

It's no wonder you are stressed out & why so many caregivers do it alone. Family certainly complicates life.

You have every right to be upset with them. Your in-laws remind me of so many other people, they want to "help" only to present to others what "wonderful" people they are. It's all about presentation or the show.

You on the other hand are a true loving caring person & put MIL before yourself or the childhood bickering that your inlaws throw at you.

Sometimes our lives are better(less stressful) if we take the bulls by the horn & just do it ourselves. At least that's how I am.

Your inlaws may "want to help" but in the long run this actually is harming MIL & you.

Hope you are able to work things out & if not I hope that your husband supports whatever decisions you make to make sure HIS Mom receives the best care.

blue, you sure got the sh*it end of the stick with inlaws. i agree that mil shouldn't have to suffer because they are lazy, spoiled little children. you are a good person and after tomorrow's grocery list is filled i hope H gets them straighteded out once and for all without damaging his health. i don't think sil knows how valuable those caregivers are the respect they deserve. i hope they will understand what it is like when APS gets involved. ain't pretty. sil should be sending the cg candy and flowers and get the corncob removed from her rear. hang in there blue, we all care.

I just want to add, that mil does have food to eat, its just those little things that she likes to have on hand, and ya'll know how a list can build over a weeks time. This sil will only pick up the list on the weekend, she does not want to be bothered on her 'days off' during the week.