Please accept my opology upfront if this rambles and doesn't make any sense this morning but I have a meeeting with my boss today and I need to throw some of this family crap at the wall before it.

All of my family except one sibling and granny and myself live in the town where granny lived for 50 years. My sibling and his family are coming home for a visit over the long weekend and I received a call yesterday from mom(only child) who does not want me to bring granny down. Oh she gave me a whole list of lame excuses...of course she waited 18 hours to call me after she found out they were coming. I am sure to compile her list!

The drive is 2 hours and I told granny that if they came home for a visit we could go on Saturday and come home Sunday so she wouldn't have to make the trip is one day...yes she tires very easily but who wouldn't at 88. I would have thought that a daughter would want to spend more than two hours every 2 or 3 months with her aging mother. I should have known better since none of them took care of her or visited her when she lived in the same town with them which of course was the reason that I moved her closer to me so I didn't have to try to do it long distance.

Hubby and I think that it should be her decision on whether or not to make the trip. We discussed at length last night and I tried not to dump on him this morning since I probably kept him awake most of the night anyway doing laundry at 3 am.

Well we decided that if she wants to go we will and just stay at a hotel for the night. How silly of me to think mom might enjoy her spending the night there and I was going to stay with a very old friend of mine whom I never get to see these days. Thank god or someone for cell phones and e-mail.

I am sure that I stirred the family fires when I called my brother and made my sister-in-law get on the phone as well since she was the one that talked to mom. Of course I was lied to by mom about how long they are staying which I suspected. Well I put my sister-in-law on the spot and I am sure she will not be speaking to me for awhile! I am getting pretty use to that since non on them spoke to me for months after moving her. What do they expect! Do they even care???? All that I have asked from any of them is to call her once a week....they all called the first week and nothing since. Big freaking surprise there.

Anyway, I am tired as hell and feel like I have been drug through a knothole backwards. Stomach is in knots, can't eat or sleep. I now I have those wonderful big dark circles under my eyes and have a big meeting with the boss today that I am so not ready for. Thank god he is a more understanding person than my family.

I need to get to the office early and try to prepare. I am going to granny's after work and talk to her. I have learned that phone conversations don't work that well. I will see what SHE wants to do and respect HER decision.

You are all great and don't know what I would do without this place.

RGD

Hi this is Linda, and I am totally new to this, but as I read your words I realized we had a lot in common. I left NC 11 years ago because my dad had passed and my mom wanted me to come home to help her. Well I'm still here with her and I have a brother who lives 15 minutes away and won't even pick up the phone to say hello. About a year ago my mom was diagnosed with dimentia and she has gone downhill since then. her memory is about gone and she is reverting to the past all of the time. I don't know how to talk to her because everything she says is from 30 or more years ago and she calls me a liar if I disagree with her.There are angels out there though, I truly believe that. I was so down and at my wits end and then out of the blue my 31 year old daughter called and told me she was coming home!! Now she is here with me to help and its great to have someone to share things with, but its still hard because now my mom is falling down and trying to wander off down the road when we aren't looking. But keep up the good work with your gramma...God will bless you in so many ways and she is very fortunate to have you!!!

RGD, you did a good thing and this will be a trip you will always remember and never regret having made with your Gramma.

RG, good job! You did so well. I'm glad your family saw what you have to deal with, even if they don't appreciate it like they should.

you did a great thing and thank god the family behaved. besides gran having a great time, memories and pictures, a chance to say forewell one really good thing came of your trip with gran, you will never need to purchase a costly GPS system!! god blessed your trip and surely blesses you. as daisy would say 'YOU'RE A GEM!"

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Must be tired...can't even sign off right!

RGD

Well I survived the weekend...beat today.

One brother never spoke to granny at all but other than that everyone behaved themselves even the daughter-in-law. We had the grandkids for about 4 hours on Saturday and that was very nice.

It was like granny knew that it would be her last trip...she wanted pictures with everyone so needless to say I took lots of pictures!!!

Taking her out of her normal surroundings and schedule did make things worse for her. I think mom actually saw what I deal with everyday. I doubt that it will make a difference because now she is out of sight out of mind again. Time will tell.

And oh yes...I know what every road sign between here and there says!

RCG

Hang in thee RGD. COnsider this a trip with Gran and whatever happens good just makes it better. If things start to go south, get her outta there quickly! As for her daughter - I have nothing to say one way or the other. Families who play games like this make themselves miserable and are a PITA to everyone with whom they come in contact. Your Mom may have issues of which we are unaware with your Gran - who knows? The important thing is to TRY to have the best time that you can. I think staying in a motel is far better than staying with a relative because your Gran WILL need a quiet retreat away from all the confusing hubbub. Try your very best to simply ignore the bad behavior of others - taking them to task won't help and will only embroil you in a losing battle. Stay focused on the good stuff and let the rest wash down the sewer where it belongs.

I hope y'all have a WONDERFUL time and that your Gran doesn't read EVERY SINGLE ROAD SIGN AND BILLBOARD to you like my mom did on her last road trip... And ya know what? If I could take her on just ONE more trip, I would GLADLY suffer listening to the words and phrases written on the 18 wheelers, etc. all along the way.
Have a GREAT time, dear!! Many blessings to you for your loving care.

Well we are going Saturday and coming back Sunday. Haven't told "them" yet! Thought that I would save that one for today. I finally found a hotel room in a town about 15 miles away...give us some distance. With the holiday weekend I wasn't sure that I was going to find one. Going to call the daughter-in-law this morning and ask to have the grandkids for awhile Saturday afternoon. For those of you who have missed my previous posts my only son (30) is back in jail and doesn't look like her will get out for a very long time. I hate having to call her but for granny I will. I almost had to get a restraining order against her last year so she would leave granny out of her fighting with the son...kids that can't grow up!!! We will see if she is decent. I doubt it but I will try this once since I expect it to be the final trip down to that crazy town On another note the assisted living apartments that I really like called yesterday and have an apartment coming open on the first floor - perfect - granny won't have any part of it so for now I will respect her opinion even though I have doubts to it being the correct one. I have moved her twice now in 1 1/2 years and I do understand why she doesn't want to move again. She has finally gotten use to it being home and made friends. If it gets to the point where I can't handle it all I will have to use an outside care giver to help which does worry me some. But for now we are holding our own and we shall continue on day by day.

I will take my laptop and I expect I will have some time Saturday evening to be on the computer as she will be exhausted and need to sleep. I will try to give you all an update on day 1.

Hubby is not going to go and I am Ok with that (although I have been teasing him about it). It will give granny and I some time together without me trying to clean, shop and all of the other things that I normally have to do when we are together.

Wish me luck with my two phones calls today. Should be interesting

More later and as always....thanks for being here.

RGD

Wow this blows me away sweetie I cant believe any of this....
Sometimes we just have to do for ourselves and let the chips fall where they may if this family does not want to have any contact with Rosie so be it, less stress for you I say.
I have seen this happen with such frequency over the years and honestly I dont get it....My advice live your own life apart from them. Unless and until these people grow up and act compassionately towards you for all you do they need not bother you.
It would take more than a phone call from them to change my mind on this matter that much I can tell you.
My thoughts "Put up or shut up" You and your Gran need a support system way more than they are willing to give.
And sweetie I know this hurts you somewhere deep down inside just chalk this up to something they can not do, Caregiving that is.
Look at you love. You have more compassion in your lil pinkie than they have in their entire body...Im pretty dang proud of you! My bet so is that wonderful husband of yours too...

rg, you have a lot of courage and heart and have every right to hit the anger wall. you take gran there and let gran have a nice time if she is up t it. i hope they all put on their big girl panties and welcome her graciously. take care and have a safe journey.

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Nope! All they have to do is communicate with her. I will help her with her bath before we go and have her meds ready. Pretty sad if you ask me.....

Dear RGD, That is so bizarre. You love Rosie and find her company worthwhile. It is hateful that they cannot handle her presence. Impossible to understand. It's not like they actually have to hand feed her or help her in the bathroom, is it? She is pretty independent. If you decide to take her, I think the motel is an excellent idea. You and Rosie are going to need a quiet refuge from them, and it will help things go more smoothly. They will behave better towards her if the time is limited.

It really bites that you won't get to have the time with your friend. I know you were looking forward to it.

Good luck with your meeting this morning.