Ihate the color of this thread!
I was at a wake last week. One of the family "know-it-all's" was speaking but what she said kindda made sense. She said that a person with dementia mind goes back to a place in time when they were happy. This makes sense to me because I cared for a very happy MIL. My question is........... tahdah.........drum roll please.......... Does this meant that I will be an angry demented person because I WAS never happy as a child?

hannah, i thought daisy was the only one packing all the time. she wraps all her pictures in her blankets, empties the walls, everything is ready to go. after two years she still tells me she can't go to bed, they are coming to pick her up. we call bed a nap. bedtime is too permanent. she also won't sleep on dark sheets, she's afraid no one will be able to find her in the dark and she will miss her ride. these are the times she gets very stubborn. that and shower time. she turns from a gracious lady to a tazmanian devil.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: fat, dumb and happy,

My Mom isn't stuck in any one 'time' place. She is stuck in a behavior. She thinks she is constantly moving. She takes pictures down off the wall and sorts and resorts her clothing and "packs" strange items in her plastic garbage bags like her tv remote and a hairbrush. The staff at the NH is trying to get her to stop taking the pictures off the walls but so far no luck. She will stop for a few days and then she is on 'the move' again. My Mom also seems to have hung onto more of her negative traits than her positive; constant complaining, feeling everyone is mean or wrong or stupid, threatening people...

Hi notveeerrraaa, it's so good to see you again

I have to agree with Moms_Buddy--at least from my own personal experience. Possibly it has something to do with what sort of dementia one has. For instance, someone with frontal lobe dementia, or Pick's Disease would certainly change profoundly in one way or another.

In the case of my own mother, it seems that she mostly was a rather negative person and definately a "worry wart" ; these aspects of her personality seem to remain. Sometimes they seem to be magnified.

On the other hand, she has made some serious about-faces on many fronts. Many things that she now will say and do are entirely new; in fact, astonishing.

I guess that's saying a lot of stuff in order to say that I just don't think the changes can be "standardized", and certainly we cannot expect that folks with dementias will return to some place in their minds where they are happy!

I've met so many people with dementia who were (apparently) blissfully happy. They loved their daycare experience. They seemed to be satisfied with everything they encountered. At times I wondered why my mother could not be so fortunate. ...personally, I think it has everything to do with which parts of the brain are being most profoundly affected.

Anyway, it is good to see you again, notveeerrraaa and I hope to see you around again!

blessings,
maria

mom, love the attitude. it's not always easy but there are just too many curves thrown at us each day to carry around unnecessary fertilizer. i wasted many years on fears and anger. it makes me feel 20 lbs. lighter to deal with it and put it in the trash every monday night. i also feel much more optimistic when there isn't a compost heap rotting inside me. i am not all roses and sunshine but i can carry a more productve load. i can't worry about my forgetfulness being the onset of alz. i am more concerned about my physical health taking a dive, and it is. i need so much put off surgery that it scares me. daisy wasn't expected to last 6 months and it has been over 2 years in our home. i worry that i won't be able to travel or work outside the home when i no longer have her. but even then, one day at a time. at her age she could go anytime or last for years. can't lose sleep over it. daisy's family said she was a very dominant force in the house and now she is so gracious, thanks everyone for coming, whether she know them or not, and she doesn't really know anyone anymore. she invites me to sit and relax, i work to hard. except for showers, she is the most accommodating person in my life. she is concerned she will make a mistake and doesn't want to upset anyone. we don't know where life will take us. it's like the BEATLE'S MAGICAL MYSTERY TOUR. enjoy the ride.

I don't think we've met before, so I'll say it's very good to meet you now. I hope you'll keep hanging around for a while, and chip in your well earned 2 cents. I've only been around since this past January and didn't recognize you at first. So glad you dropped back in, and hope you will do it more often. Looking forward to joining you for a hop at Harry's.

quote:

She said that a person with dementia mind goes back to a place in time when they were happy

I don't think that is true of most folks at all! However, I DO think that's what folks mean when they are always wanting to go "home" (even when they ARE home).

My mom has recollected events that apparently really bothered her when they happened and sometimes, she gets stuck and recounts them over and over and over again... Mostly, though, her memories seem to be happy. Really bad times have mostly slipped away from her, but then again, Mom never did much TRY to remember unhappy events, preferring to let them slip away from her as soon as possible and this was decades before the brain problems set in.

On the off chance that it helps, I am trying to follow her example of holding the happy times and comforts close to me and letting the bad stuff slip away. Dunno if it'll make a difference when/if I start losing my marbles, but it sure helps to have a happier, more uncluttered mental "hard drive" now!

BTW, good to "see" ya! Hope things have been well for you and continue onward and upward.

Notveeerraaa, Unfortunately, some dementia patients seem to be stuck in very unhappy places. But some have happy refuges. The CG situation can not always direct that, but may help.

You will see here that many have to be on anti depressants, but often they can be led to a happy place. But it is not always easy(in fact it is seldom easy). And there are times when it can't be done.

Keep in mind, that not all the elderly are victims of dementia. Keeping a positive out look for as long as possible is the best thing for us all, and then we do the best we can.

asssuming you live to a ripe old age i think you will return to the drum roll tah dah time of life, you will zero in a a happy time and drive folks nuts!! tah dah drum roll and applause!! you don't have to return to childhood, just your happy place. daisy is stuck in her times of growing gardens, baking bread and canning those vegetables and she hums all the time she's working! personally i hope i'm not stuck in a work mode.